Misadventures in Atlanta

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 08:13 AM | Link to this

I think men really want validation from women.

By Tray

January 20, 2005 08:17 AM | Link to this

Well Good Morning all, I made it in first. WOW As I read the points, I thought that those should be qualifications for a man also, then I read the last section, and Mia said just that. I agree, these are good points, I’m a little confused about #5 but its still early and no Mt Dew yet. = ) blog w/ya in a bit

By Brian Curtis

January 20, 2005 08:19 AM | Link to this

I think what both sexes want is someone to stroke their egos and make them feel secure and desirable. Someone who bends over backwards to give them everything they want, fulfill their every need, and make them basically the center of the universe.

Gee… is it any surprise that it’s hard to find someone like that? The reality is, nobody particularly wants to live their life for someone else and flutter about them, waiting on ‘em hand and foot. Go figure. That’s why earlier civilizations had slaves and harems.

And if we still crave that kind of nonstop attention, I guess we’ll have to wait until androids are perfected. Because no self-respecting human would satisfy that list of “me, me, me” requirements.

By Shoe Addict

January 20, 2005 08:26 AM | Link to this

I’d love a man with all those qualities. Tell me where do I find a man like that?

By Shoe Addict

January 20, 2005 08:27 AM | Link to this

Oops, Morning all!!

By Mia

January 20, 2005 08:30 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All!

Tray - I think number 5 is in reference to cooking. I think number 5 is for women like me that don’t cook. But for me that doesn’t mean I don’t want my family to at least sit down once a week at the dining room table and eat dinner as a family. It just might be Boston Market food on the table…lol. But all jokes aside, everyone in a family can be so busy that they grab dinner and go do whatever they have to do. You have to make an effort to have a meal as a family.

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 08:46 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Bloggers & Bloggetts!

By Tray

January 20, 2005 08:47 AM | Link to this

Mia Gotcha, thanks!

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 08:53 AM | Link to this

List is nice, but it is really to wordy…

Men want a woman that understands the needs of her man. If she does that -than all is covered. Plus….as I have said in the past -Versatility is a must!

I am sure this goes both ways. If a man understands the needs of his woman, he will give her what she needs.

By Ignatius

January 20, 2005 09:00 AM | Link to this

Having a woman who is your best friend is a good starting point.

By gucci man

January 20, 2005 09:08 AM | Link to this

I know what these broads really want and i got it, cause im soooooo iceaaaayyyyyyyy!!!!

nah for real this list is cool. Mia you wanna know where the disconnect is Ima show you:

Dudes the have to feel “needed” are asking for a co-dependent relationship. This is not what a professional woman wants. The prollem is broads realize when they get to a certain level that they can be picky about what they WANT. These dudes still sit around thinking that they are a necessity, or wanting to feel that way. This is not anywhere more evident then in the parable of the blue collar man white collar broad. If a broad makes more than you, or even the same as you, she cannot possibly NEED you for your finances. The same is true in the rest of the list. She has come to the realization of what she WANTS. might sound like semantics or oversimplifying but the difference in NEED and WANT is huge.

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 09:10 AM | Link to this

um… duh.. don’t we all want that? except maybe that “needed” part. i don’t want someone to “need” me. i want someone who is fine on his own and wants me in his life because i bring some added joy — and vice versa. i don’t need you. i can live with out you because i am a complete person. but i want you in my life because you’re the whipped cream and chocolate sauce on my ice cream.

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 09:10 AM | Link to this

Morning, Blog!

Good point Wise. I was thinking the same thing. Men want validation more often than not. From reading the list, women, don’t we want the same thing???? I think the disconnect come when men say or think they want these things and then they get it and still aren’t satisfied. For the authors of this book, I’m sure they have come across women that meet all or most of these qualifications, yet, why are they having trouble finding a mate. Are they seeking perfection?

By MGP

January 20, 2005 09:13 AM | Link to this

Morning Ya’ll….

Ok, I can see points in all those…BUT…

My man is off due to shoulder surgery. He has been off for almost a year. I cook dinner once a week and I cook on the week end. He cooks otherwise. I also do the laundry. He does everything eles. He never did those kinds of things for his ex. Is my man a good man. Over all yes. Wouldn’t trade him in.

Some of the items on the list to me are ish. Number 1 someone who can make him feel excited every time he sees her. Not going to happen when I am sicker then a dog. Life is good with a partnership, but sorry…it isn’t all about the man

By Jael

January 20, 2005 09:16 AM | Link to this

Good morning Everyone,
If #5 refers to a man being able to cook … And adding an Amen to #7… I’m totally in agreement that women desire the same from men!

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 09:17 AM | Link to this

Mia, it’s nothing wrong w/ not being able to cook right now. Before I got married, I couldn’t cook either (cheese and eggs and sphagetti were my specialty…..oh and not together)…..at any rate, for the first 6 months of my marriage, that’s mostly what we ate and Hamburger Helper (all varieties) til one day my husband said, “Baby, can you call your grandma and ask her to walk you through cooking something else.”…..that’s when I called Nana and I made meatloaf, homemade mashed potatoes, cabbage, and cornbread…..hahahahahahah! Once I got pregnant, I learned to cook pretty much everything else w/ the help of Nana walking me through it over the phone(still can’t cook rice good, that’s why I buy Uncle Ben’s). So the cooking requirement shouldn’t really be a requirement, as long as you are willing to learn how to cook, ya know.

By Mia

January 20, 2005 09:18 AM | Link to this

Carrington - you think this is too wordy? Well don’t read the book. The explanation was A LOT longer.

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 09:20 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Blog Fam! Great topic Mia!

I agree with every one of these points, but wanted to add a few more points that are important to me.

9.A woman that is not only family adaptive, but socially adaptive and able to continue a conversation, with business associates, friends if her man has to leave the room. You see this situation with President’s wives, Executive’s wives, etc. Behind every successful man, lies a woman, who usually calls the shots. Intellect in a woman is the most attractive feature in a woman to me and her ability to be “worldly� is an asset that puts her over the top! Examples Hillary Rodham Clinton, Laura Bush, Camille Cosby.

10.A Woman with the “You are going to Respect Me� attitude. There is always that woman that enters a room and everyone goes wow! She is not necessarily the most gorgeous woman in the world, she is not necessarily the best-dressed woman in the world, but she exudes confidence! She is your Monica Kaufman’s, Shirley Franklin’s, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Nia Long, Stacey Dash, Jovita Moore’s, etc. “Real Men� love confidence in a woman!

11.A woman that knows how to let a man be a man. She may make more than him, be more powerful than him, but she knows her role and she knows how to build her man up and help him achieve his dreams. An excellent example of this is Oprah Winfrey and Stedman Graham.

In closing, to answer Mia’s question about the disconnect in dating today, is the fact that MEN don’t date anymore!

Men have forgotten how to take the above 11 points and apply them to every dating situation and date for the “right� reasons.

We settle, We accept, We sacrifice or we simply just go after the first thing, which looks golden. Validation does not play a key role, for a “Real Man�, because he validates himself daily and through knowing what he wants out life and not settling. Boys look for validation!

If you have standards, then waiting for your “First Round Draft Pick� should be that much easier, instead of just selecting someone for comfort!

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 09:20 AM | Link to this

Morning, Carrington.

AW, I agree w/ you on that point too. When reading the list initially, I had to shake my head to that one, but to each his/her own. (#3)

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 09:25 AM | Link to this

men don’t want intelligent women? Well, I am starting to wonder if I want an intelligent man, because some “highly” intelligent men that I met have the personality of a car antenna, or the arrogance is too much to cope with, always needing to be right… yep.. I am going to give the dummies a chance to date me.

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 09:26 AM | Link to this

<shaking my head @ vince> i notice your use of the words “behind every successful man” and “knows her role.”

what is the man’s “role”?

By Suga&Spice

January 20, 2005 09:30 AM | Link to this

Vince-for the first time I have absolutely NO beef with your post. I am in compelete and total agreement with you on all points. Good going…..dont make me regret it.

By Royal Chic

January 20, 2005 09:32 AM | Link to this

Good morning beautiful people

I agree 100% w/ Ignatius….if your partner is your best friend….all will fall into place….it’s nice to have someone who loves you for you first….and also adore you romantically as well….this makes for the best relationships…..

ANON-I agree that we should be complete as individuals before adding someone else to the equation, but it’s a catch 22…..are we truly complete without our counterpart???? In a sense, we do “need” a man/woman in our lives to be whole…..not that there is an urgency or it’s a matter of life or death, but there is a need…..

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 09:34 AM | Link to this

@Wise You are dealing with intelligent “Boys”

Do your homework and see what type of women these men come from. I came from a household, where my mom called the shots and made her own decisions. Her mom was the same way. Don’t get me wrong, my dad was hell, but he respected strong, intelligent women, so he let her do her thing and both knew their roles.

This is key to selecting a man who comes from what you come from and want.

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 09:35 AM | Link to this

everything a man does, seeks out, acquires directly relates to him wanting to feel validated by a woman..as a man, provider, lover. etc..the masculine pretense/ego won’t always admit to that.

By Suga&Spice

January 20, 2005 09:36 AM | Link to this

and ladies wiether we care to admit it or not we do have a role to play in relationship. we cant be the man and the woman. And I agree that behind every great man there is great woman, and sometimes the same can be said for every great woman (that behind her is a great man)

By Jael

January 20, 2005 09:36 AM | Link to this

I’m cracking up laughing wonder, what has Stedman Graham achieved? Okay, never mind… I’m going to earn my two dimes and a nickle!

By Ignatius

January 20, 2005 09:36 AM | Link to this

@Wise - Very good point. And add in a fine sense of humor. A woman who has a sense of humor can cover a lot of a man’s imperfections. I am a bit leery of #1. TIme changes things. Just a warning to my younger compatriots here. One of life’s little jokes, as you get older, everything gets fatter, hairier, and closer to the ground. But I think taking the second point and applying it to both sides more than makes up for the first point. If you love someone, there is a reason your sight gets worse as you get older, kind of like beer goggles. But the large majority of women have a grace and an inner beauty that shines through to the outside and they also have a supernatural tolerance to put up with us men. And we love you for it.

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 09:41 AM | Link to this

@Anon A man’s role is the be the provider and the security for the family.

He is the person, who makes sure the family never goes without!

There is a lack of this going on in our community, so women are now having to pull double duty. Men need to become better providers,supporters and stop living up in women’s cribs, asking for the car and be more financially responsible!

Women need to stop relying on men financially,emotionally and become more financially and emotionally independant.

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 09:43 AM | Link to this

boy… I LOVE it when Ignatius puts things in perspective.

The thing is..that excited feeling doesn’t have to be associated with appearance…his heart is still flipping and he is still getting butterflies because his love for her runs that deep…(oh have mercy, I did I just say that?!)

to him, she will always have this effect on her because he is always in love with her…of course being visual creatures, men certainly will get excited over the “package”…so it is nice to stay sexy and it would be nice if the men stayed sexy too..

By gucci man

January 20, 2005 09:44 AM | Link to this

It is so funny to me that Vince insists on citing Oprah And Steadman as the pinnacle of gender roles when a broad makes more than the dude. We have NO CLUE what goes down in their house.

Oprah could very well have told steadman no I aint helping you on many occasions. She could be demeaning him right now. “you aint got money like me bish!!!! Now go make me a sammich”

Dude could be crying in his beer every other night to his boys about how crazy she is.

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 09:44 AM | Link to this

nah, rc i disagree. i have my friends and family for emotional and mental support. i can pay my own bills. i have male friends who can be my d*ck in a glass if i ever hit crisis mode (and a hitachi for all the other times). i’ve got flannel sheets to keep me warm at night. i really don’t need a man. but i want one. hmm… or maybe i should just get a puppy.

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 09:46 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Ivy -hope all is well in your world.

Mia -books are books because of that. They are wordy. This whole thing is pretty simple. Understand your mate -and then you will give them at east 85% of all they need.

If the he/she is needy -then you make him/her feel wanted, needed. If the he/she likes to cook -then you let him/her cook. If he/she does not like to clean -then you clean, etc….

Once you understand him/her -figure out if you can deal with the needs and wants…make a decision to leave or stay.

By Royal Chic

January 20, 2005 09:46 AM | Link to this

IGNATIUS-Your 9:36 post is so pure and real….I was moved by that…things do change over time and we will not always have the same level of physical beauty….inner beauty is everlasting!!!

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 09:50 AM | Link to this

so all men have to contribute is their wallet? Vince…tell me you think there is more in a man’s role than what house he can purchase and his stock portfolio.

By Miss B

January 20, 2005 09:50 AM | Link to this

Good Morning all… Great topic today Mia!

By gucci man

January 20, 2005 09:51 AM | Link to this

TIME OUT….SWATS/Vince are you serious?

In your first post you said you agreed with EVERYTHING the authors said in their list. But then you say in your 9:41 post that

“Women need to stop relying on men financially,emotionally and become more financially and emotionally independant.”

which is it bruh? You clearly just like to type to see yourself typing. I bet you count this blog as a ‘publishing’ of your work.

By cey

January 20, 2005 09:54 AM | Link to this

Hey good morning everyone. the list is pretty much on point but not in that order.

#2 could say a woman that makes him feel like she is the love of his life. Not many women can make you feel like that. I’ve had a few women feel I was LOTL but the feeling wasn’t mutual. #3 the only thing I’d change IMO is that I don’t want her to make me feel needed(b/c I like a woman that handles her ish) but when in fact she does need to lean on someone I know she is going to come to me for a shoulder or help or whatever she needs.

.02

By Royal Chic

January 20, 2005 09:55 AM | Link to this

ANON-We can agree to disagree….but I think it is easier than we think to get our needs and wants confused especially in matters of human nature….woman and man were created for each other….it is apart of our Divine Purpose to love and be loved by one another and oh yeah to reproduce!!! We can live our lives without a man/woman and carry on just fine….but who wants to come home to an empty house every night of their life for the rest of their lives….not I!!???

By Royal Chic

January 20, 2005 09:59 AM | Link to this

Further contradictions…..S&S..seems like he made you regret agreeing with his post….LOL!!!

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 10:00 AM | Link to this

Hey Yall.

Carrington - I totally agree with you. Both people in a relationship should be complementary to each other.

SWATS - In this day and age, its hard for just one person to be the “provider” for the family. Many people are struggling with 2 incomes. Each relationship is different and they define their OWN roles that work in THEIR household. Who’s to say works well in one household works well in another?

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 10:00 AM | Link to this

@Wise I said a lot of things this morning and all you interpreted was “Financial” if that is all you got out of that paragraph(s), I can’t help ya.

@gucci man Bruh, take off the blinders. If you can re-read my posts and see the big picture, I think you will understand where I coming from.

For those who think Stedman is soft, here is the link to his bio:

http://www.stedmangraham.com/bio.html

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 10:02 AM | Link to this

did anyone else notice the contradiction in vince’s post? … men need to provide. yet women need to stop relying on them? (and um … haven’t we been doing that?)

okay, vince help me flesh out your point…

the man’s role is to provide and protect.. and the woman’s is to support his goals?

um .. so what if she’s ambitious and successful? how should he/does he fit in to her plans?

(@jael: stedman is actually a very accomplished businessman.)

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 10:02 AM | Link to this

Royal Chic…that need/want thing is tricky.. if that need thing is prominent, wouldn’t that be sort of dangerous ..if the man gets the need met from someone else…then you are SOL aren’t you?

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 10:03 AM | Link to this

Suga -morning to ya. You made a very good point in your 9:36 post.

Because of the singleness of today’s black woman (and man), there are control issues going on. I was in a relationship with a woman and we had this problem.

As a single mother, she was in control of it all. Then when we were looking at life together, it was hard for her to relinquish some of that control. We worked at it, but in the end…put it this way -We are not together now.

As single ladies -paying all her bills, driving her own car, Living in her own home, cutting her own grass, etc- it is hard to relinquish some of that control. Same applys to men, but we tend to let it go a little easier.

By Suga&Spice

January 20, 2005 10:03 AM | Link to this

@RC-I know right (shaking my head)

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 10:04 AM | Link to this

sweetie, i don’t need ya help… i need you to say something definitive

By Ignatius

January 20, 2005 10:06 AM | Link to this

Just got this from a friend and wanted to share it with y’all. Cracked me up.

Tim Allen had this to say about Martha Stewart:

“Boy, I feel safer now that she’s behind bars. Theiving CEOs, known guilty felons are walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook and clean and work in the yard and haul her a* to jail.”

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 10:08 AM | Link to this

Damn Vince -I have been gone for a couple of days. I was hoping that after the last blow up -you were going to be on the up & up. Are you still saying things to get reactions? ….riled up reactions that is…

If so…..Dude, give it a rest.

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 10:10 AM | Link to this

Carrington (hey there!) Why do you think that it is easier for men to let go?

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 10:10 AM | Link to this

rc … there’s a WHOLE lot to be said for an empty house … lol.

and ig that’s messed up. funny as hell but messed up.

By Tray

January 20, 2005 10:11 AM | Link to this

^5 Carrington for 10:08

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 10:13 AM | Link to this

Mrs AP -In feel you on the two -headed Head of household. Things have changed to where one person can’t really provide for family alone…

Now -if he has signed some sort of contract in the entertainment, sports field -maybe so.

Even folks that own their own business need for the spouse to have a job also these days…

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 10:14 AM | Link to this

Interesting comment, Carringto. My man and I were talking about this just yesterday……the independent woman that will not relinquish some of her controlling, need-to-be-in-charge ways……I am independent for the most part but not set in my ways……and hell, I can’t wait to have my husband that I can submit to, totally and without question……does it mean that I won’t have a mind of my own?????….. not at all, but I am and will be willing to relinquish these reigns cuz frankly I am tired of holding them…….to me, it means having that mate that recognizes my strengths and weaknesses, as I do his…..and both of us working together to meet common ground w/o much struggle and conflict.

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 10:15 AM | Link to this

Carrington - You on it today, bruh! I’m a sista who owns my own home, cuts my own grass, washes my own car, pays all my own bills, fixes ish around the house, etc. It’s more about a compromise rather than control. I am self sufficient and able to stand alone. BUT, now that I have a wonderful, loving, thoughtful man in my life, I don’t HAVE to do it all by myself. And that’s a great feeling knowing that I can depend on him just as he can depend on me.

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 10:15 AM | Link to this

uh carrington: you sure you weren’t trying to run thangs? … that’ll get on anybody’s nerves.

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 10:15 AM | Link to this

There are no contradictions!!

I am at work and unable to write a 130 word essay on this topic. “Both” people in any relationship provide!

You guys asked me what the roles are all about and i defined them.

MEN = Security,providing a roof and securing the outer operation of the house/cars and making sure the family or woman never goes without!

He is also the backbone emotionally,physically,mentally for his woman and kids and supports her no matter what.

WOMAN = Still provide for the family, take care of the inner operation of the home. Be the backbone emotionally,physically,mentally for her man and contribute to decision making. A woman should always be an equal partner in any relationship and step in when there is an absence of that man.

By Royal Chic

January 20, 2005 10:18 AM | Link to this

Watch out now, the Wisest Diva is snapping…LOL!!!

WISE-I agree it is tricky….women and men take chances on love…all is fair in love and war, but we need to just be aware and acknowledge what men and women offer each other….partnership is apart of our culture…we need it to carry on our legacies, generations, families, and future…being needy is a whole different subject…..that’s not healthy for anyone….

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 10:19 AM | Link to this

Diva -the Wise one how are you and my twinz doing? Hope they are fine. Oh….hope you are well also -lol

Men really don’t care to do all of the things they have to do as a single guy. So when they find someone they can trust -they will give that control away quickly.

Men are simple creatures by nature. They don’t need much. Time, sex, time, little money, sports…maybe some music…..and you can put us in a room -lol

By jael

January 20, 2005 10:20 AM | Link to this

Anon, my post regarding Stedman was written in jest. However if one would research his accomplishments would be reveal success post Oprah? I don’t disagree with anyone giving support to their mate, quite the contrary, I’m all for it. What Oprah and Stedman has works for them… Personally, I like a self made man. Granted we all need a hand at some point, but can you do most of the standing alone … I do believe each person much search within and know their needs before attempting to meet the needs of another.

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 10:22 AM | Link to this

Carrington, I wish it were only that simple.

By jael

January 20, 2005 10:23 AM | Link to this

Ooops…Sorry for the typos guys

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 10:26 AM | Link to this

Boy..I missed Carrington!

Interesting points you made…so women are more complex ergo we struggle with relinquishing control more than the fellas?

Vince..I really was reading your post @ 9:41…your first post today was too doggone long for my taste …(and edundant, might I add.)

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 10:26 AM | Link to this

Anon -I was trying to do my part as a man. She on the other hand was trying to do her part as a woman and as a man. It was because of how she had lived for the past 8 years. She was the head of her household, so it was hard to let some of the control go.

As I said in my last post -it does not take much to please a man. As Ms AP said -compromise- that is where it is at.

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 10:27 AM | Link to this

@Jael Stedman was on his way and a self made man, before Oprah!

Oprah enhanced what he already was. I do recall Oprah offering to finance and assist him many times, instead, Stedman attracted private investors, outside of Oprah, to build his empire!

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 10:28 AM | Link to this

Carrington, are you having a Superbowl party?

By jael

January 20, 2005 10:32 AM | Link to this

Vince, you know Stedman personally?

By Royal Chic

January 20, 2005 10:32 AM | Link to this

WISE-LOL!! We’re a little testy this morning aren’t we????

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 10:34 AM | Link to this

okay.. so basically what you’re saying vince, is that a woman’s role is to cook and clean and stand by her man. (that’s the distilled version i’m picking up… am i the only one?)

i promise you homie: relationships and life are way too fluid for that, especially if y’all are both working full-time.

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 10:35 AM | Link to this

Ivy -I feel you on not giving up your pesonality, having your own opinion, etc. You should do that. Me and the young lady I was speaking about have become friends. She knows what drove us apart and she admits to it. Some of you met her last summer at the park. No…I am not saying that was the only thing, but it was one of the big things.

As for it being that simple with men -true, it is not that simple, and that is because we (men) make it that way.

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 10:36 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Royal Chic..noooo not me! Never that.

It is hard to look at a bio and determine the true character of a man. Success in business is great, and what you do when no one is looking shows true character.

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 10:37 AM | Link to this

@jael No, but I have met him and read several of his books.

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 10:39 AM | Link to this

anon - don’t forget passing the beer when he walks through the door!.. and you are SO not the only one. (I suppose we are going to be tagged as the man hating feminists, now.)

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 10:40 AM | Link to this

People make being in a relationship soo freaking difficult…it is not! If you are able to compromise and put all that pig-headedness aside things work out!

My PARTNER and I are not perfect nor is our relationship perfect but he and I learned compromise and how not to sweat the small stuff and realizing that we actually LOVE one another and are in LOVE with one another and recognizing that our love is strong. I was ready for him and he was ready for me, meaning he is secure and I am secure in ourselves, him, our family our love, etc….I digress for the moment

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 10:41 AM | Link to this

@Wise Regarding your 10:36 AM post. That is why you should “ALWAYS” go on actions. I don’t think Oprah would be dealing with this dude, over 10 years if he was not on the up and up.

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 10:43 AM | Link to this

And if most people realize that what may work for some may not work for others (in regards to relationships), it could make their life much easier….you can not pattern your life/relationship after someone elses…..when fostering new relationships or continuing w/ your current ones, you must learn what works with you and your person/partner……..what may have worked in your last relationship, may not necessarily fly in this relationship…..communication, observation, and learning is key to finding out what completes you and your SO…..that’s what makes unions last………not power struggles and conflicts and/or one or the other pretending like something isn’t bothering them when it is, etc…….find what works for you and build from that.

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 10:44 AM | Link to this

Diva -I would not say it is more of a complex ego, but women are more complex on a whole. I am going to give a quick example…

Women will plan things. I mean they plan to the last detail.

Men do not plan. It ia spur of the moment usually, and or they decide to do somehting and do it on the day of. No planning for it.

If you go to a Super Bowl party, you can tell if a man did the set up/planning or a woman did it. —- A man’s party will consist of ordered chicken wings, and some beer, and some liqour. ——A woman’s, or a man’s party with a woman helping -will consist of wings, salad, sandwiches, veggies, beer, liquor, wine, wine coolers, plus a set up for people that just came to be at the party.

By gucci man

January 20, 2005 10:44 AM | Link to this

Vince, why you act like you cant make point in less than 1000 words? I forgot who said it, I think it was orwell but the quote is

good writing is more about knowing what NOT to write than what to write.

Learn to be succinct bruh and you might make your points better and have less chance of contradicting yourself.

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 10:45 AM | Link to this

and SWATS please believe in a good working relationship there is NO place or category for each person…my place is NOT to cook and clean and control the house or whatever sexist chauvinistic half truth you are trying to say nor is it my PARTNER’s place to hunt and gather food…man puh-leeze. It is a wonder you are in a relationship at all…my place…HA!

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 10:45 AM | Link to this

@Anon Like I said earlier, if that is what you got out of everything I said, I can’t help ya!

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 10:45 AM | Link to this

That was deep, Icey and I feel you…..no need to digress…..educate the masses, baby!

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 10:47 AM | Link to this

Ok gang…I am out to a doctor’s appt. Keep the good dialogue going. get back at you guys later today….

Oh…on my last post -I should say that is of the majority. Not all…but most….

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 10:49 AM | Link to this

@Wise and Anon - I’m probably the biggest feminist up in here. I told my Honey up front exactly the type of woman I am and if he aint ready then he can get to steppin. But like I said before, he is the strong silent type and can get me to pack away my Superwoman cape with just one look.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting your man a beer when he walks through the door every now and then. I do things for my man because I WANT to, not because that’s what he EXPECTS.

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 10:50 AM | Link to this

@Ivy…miss you girl…

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 10:52 AM | Link to this

@MsAP I like you! I think you just get it everytime!

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 10:53 AM | Link to this

(smiling) Awwwwwwwww, Icey. I’m still there here, just not there……

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 10:55 AM | Link to this

vince: the one differentiator in what you said is that men are supposed take care of the outside of the home and women are supposed to take care of the inside.

so by “take care of things inside the home” you meant “paint, wax floors and snake the drain when it’s clogged”? help me out here… i’m just trying to understand.

and wise i am a feminist — but not a manhating one (although summadem will take me there).

By ATLborn

January 20, 2005 10:58 AM | Link to this

Morning folks!

I would have to agree w/ Vince on Stedman being a self made man.
Stedman was a very successful bizman while Oprah was working on getting fired from her first job as a news woman.

The man is kinda like Vernon Jordan, always around helping bigger movers and shakers and coming up along the way. Dude had millions when Oprah was broke and tryna make it.

Dude is worth multi millions now, but Oprah’s career of choice is geared at bringing her in more loot than him. The traditional biz man will never make as much as an entertainer/athlete type. Oprah is an entertainer.

Stedman would have to become one of the few biz moguls in order to surpass Oprah, even then he may not be able to cuz she’s an entertainment mogul so she has waaaay more than even the above avg. all star type entertainer.

By Flo-it

January 20, 2005 10:58 AM | Link to this

What up ere’body! Good AM!

I think that these are some good points but I agree with Carrington, these are too wordy. There are truths to all the above mentioned and SWATS added some good points as well. But all in all, Dave Chapelle said it best, a man wants four things from a woman: -Suck his d*ck -Lick his scrotum -Fix him a Sammich -And don’t talk so darn much! LOL! Chapelle sure knows how to put things into a simple perspective.

Anon made a VERY good point in her 9:10 post though. When you need someone there, it puts you at a disadvantage anyway cause they have something to hold over you, but when you are complete and you want a particular person in your life it shows your intentions are real. Although I must admit, this has been hard to sell to some women I have dealt with. Must be an age/maturity thing! Guess that’s why I resolved to date women over 30 this year, although with my luck in relationships, I am sensing that I might have to raise the bar again next year and date someones grandma.

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 10:58 AM | Link to this

MsAP…OK!!!…I WANT to make my man happy and he WANTS those same things for me…he knows he can get anything he wants from me by rubbing my feet BUT he does not do it so he can get something out of me, he does it because he knows I love it!

By Stop that flo

January 20, 2005 11:02 AM | Link to this

that is disgusting…eww!

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 11:04 AM | Link to this

@Anon Last comment on this issue… You are looking for words that are simply not there and reading to deep into things. How often do you see a man taking care of the inside of a house?? Not saying that he is not suppose to, especially when it is his house, but come on. Women love doing stuff around the house (i.e. decorating, cooking, cleaning, etc.)

Men, mostly take care of the outside (i.e. cutting the grass, making minor repairs, etc.) I am one of the few men in my circle, which knows how to decorate, really clean and landscape.

Hope this helps you out!

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 11:05 AM | Link to this

msap we’re on the same page here. but vince seems to be of the expecting sort… and that’s the problem i’m having with what he’s saying.

notice his definition of a man said nothing about “helping out with the housework.” and that he said that a woman should “contribute to” — not make == “household decisions.”

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 11:06 AM | Link to this

Vince - I treat my man like the King he is, but don’t think he doesn’t treat me like the Queen I am. It’s a two way street. Where I’m lacking in one thing, he picks up the slack and vice versa.

As far as the man role of “security, providing a roof and securing the outer operation of the house/cars and the woman role of “taking care of the inner operation of the home”…those roles don’t necessarily work for all couples.

My man can also keep a clean house and knows his way around the kitchen. And I know more about taking care of my car than he does. Its all about who does what best and what works well for the family. Times have changed and the definition of roles have changed as well

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 11:11 AM | Link to this

Well, Anon, just realize Vince is not the type of man for you. It’s all about finding someone that meets your expectations, desires, wants, etc…..and you doing the same for him.

By gucci man

January 20, 2005 11:11 AM | Link to this

lol @ ‘know how to decorate’ well dont you get two snaps in Z formation vinsttthhh

By hmmmmmmm

January 20, 2005 11:12 AM | Link to this

Anon you are reading TOO FAR into Vince comments. But it does seems as if it applies to you. You will have to paint, wax, etc since you DON’T NEED a man to do it for you. That’s the good thing about having one around you don’t have to do all the hard/work. Or maybe your friend with the D**k in the glass can come and help you out. What happens when your friend find some who’s worthy of HIS time and ATTENTION do you find another friend?

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 11:12 AM | Link to this

Ms. AP & Anon.. you are speaking what I am thinking, way better than I can articulate today… I wholeheartedly agree on your comments today.

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 11:13 AM | Link to this

Anon - I’m witcha sis…I don’t even want to go there with him. I think I fell in love with my man even more when he asked if I would be his “co-head of household”. Dayum, I love that man!

BlackIce - Grrl, I love my having my head rubbed and scratched. Ain’t nuthin like it.

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 11:15 AM | Link to this

LMAO @ gucci

By ATLborn

January 20, 2005 11:15 AM | Link to this

Icey - lol stop holding back,say was on yo mind why don’tchu. lol

By Flo-it

January 20, 2005 11:15 AM | Link to this

Yeah, ok disgusting! But true!!

How many men here don’t want that as a foundation? Women know it to, but some can’t handle the truth! LOL! I’m trippin so don’t start bashing me.

By JustJo

January 20, 2005 11:16 AM | Link to this

MsAP Girl you got me a hootin’ and a hollerin’ over here! Tell the truth and same the devil! Okay now that I have regressed back to my Memphis days, I am over it!

I know that one look you are talking about. I am very opinionated, and controlling. But my baby has this way of looking at me or asking “What?!!, that can just shut me up and fast! And by him being able to do that, it never makes me feel any less of a woman. I give him what he needs and I always will because I love him, and the same goes for him. Isn’t that what it is all about. Just being able to be you in their space. What a beautiful thing!! :)

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 11:17 AM | Link to this

@Anon I have never been of the expecting sort. I think you give and you receive, in any relationship.

Go back and re-read MsAP’s last post. She clearly summed up what I am trying to say. Any relationship is a give and take situation and the majority of the relationships I have been in, I gave a lot more. Not because I have to, it’s because I want to.

It is not all about who does what, but if you appreciate a person, you don’t mind doing for that person and that person does for you.

Because I stated that I like it when my woman gives me a beer, when I come home makes me a chauvinist, come on. I guess when she comes home and expects me to take her out, that makes her a feminist..Huh???

I do for her and she does for me. There is no I did this, you do that here!!!

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 11:17 AM | Link to this

vince i’m not reading into anything. i’m just rephrasing what you’re saying, albeit through a cynical lens. your “last word on the subject” pretty much proved my point.

By bchat

January 20, 2005 11:23 AM | Link to this

on the man wants to be validated by a women issue……just read a book called “wild at heart.” the author said that every young man wants a father figure to validate him, tell him that he is a man, let him know that he measures up. this is something that no woman can do.

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 11:24 AM | Link to this

Awwwwwwwwww, Ms AP, you got engaged??!

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 11:25 AM | Link to this

That point is the expectations part…my Partner does not EXPEXT me to do anything for him except keep my word and I him…we do things for eachother because we WANT to , he wants to make me happy and I want o make him happy…he does not EXPECT me to wait on him hand and foot, yessuh, no suh him…are you kidding me!

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 11:27 AM | Link to this

Vince the evolution of your blog persona clearly shows your views about women, and I am NOT bashing that, however, you should know that what you write on the blog translates as a bit one-sided, in terms of what you think men and women should do in a relationship..that’s just what I gather, could be wrong..it really doesn’t matter much to me personally. I hope you find everything you seek in your mate.

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 11:28 AM | Link to this

JustJo - Grrl, don’t you just love it!! He loves me just the way I am, with or without the cape. He knows when to let me go and save the world and when to step in and say “I got you”. Knowing that he has my back in any and everything, puts my mind at ease. Ahh to be in love…

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 11:30 AM | Link to this

@hmmmmm: you must be a member of vgc (vince’s goober crew). i’ve going to save myself the energy of responding to your b.s.

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 11:30 AM | Link to this

Way to close the Vince blog down…Wise!

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 11:31 AM | Link to this

@Ivy - Naw, grrl…not yet!!

By ATLborn

January 20, 2005 11:32 AM | Link to this

Roles…I do believe a man should be the head of the household.
It’s so sad when u see a hapless man that can’t do ish w/o his woman leading him.

I think some of the so called “roles” in a household should be distributed based on the person in the relationship best suited to handle it. If the man is the best cook and can get home in a reasonable enuff time do it then he should. If the woman is better at finances then she should handle them for the household.

Decisions should be made jointly but someone’s has to carry more weight. In certain matters where the guy handles them or is the expert his should carry more weight and vice versa.

In my relationship certain things that may be deemed as “the man’s” responsibility is handled by my woman. She knows all about programming cell phones DVD/VCRs, hooking up computers, dealing w/ the satellite and stuff like that. I’m not a mister fix it type guy. I can hook stuff up but may fry myself in the process. She does that so we can avoid me emulating an inmate being bbq’d in ol’ Sparky.

Everything around the house will be fixed and the lawn mowed, I will make sure of it but I ain’t doing it. I’ll arrange for that ish to be taken care of, my soon to be wife doesn’t handle that.
All family biz, I handle. The bills, investing, reviewing major purchases, price negotiations. That’s all me. I’m good at that sorta thing so I do it.

As Tony Soprano says, “I’m the mfgga that calls the mffggin shots”.
But I call them in areas I’m the family authority. She calls the shots in the areas she knows best in.

Works for us. No need to be a cave man and make her march around barefoot and preggos chanting “YES MASTER, I LIVE TO OBEY!”

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 11:33 AM | Link to this

True or False: Men are more likely to want to marry women who are their assistants at work rather than their colleagues or bosses.

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 11:33 AM | Link to this

@Wise Your perception is based on not actually seeing the situation, but basing your opinion on words alone.

Let’s face it. 5 people can read the same words and come up with 5 different interpretations, based on how they think. I don’t think everyone on this blog views my words or your words the same.

This is why it is best to reserve opinion,until you have all the facts.

By cey

January 20, 2005 11:34 AM | Link to this

Anon did you used to date Vince?

By Royal Chic

January 20, 2005 11:36 AM | Link to this

Yes, everyone perceives your words as complete B.S.!!!!

By JustJo

January 20, 2005 11:36 AM | Link to this

MsAP Girl I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it!!!! There ain’t nothing that a MAN in his truest essence. No cover-ups, no airs, no theories, just completley and totally honest, real, and true. Girl I love it!! I love that man!! Okay I am done!!

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 11:38 AM | Link to this

@wise there was a column in the times the other day about exactly that subject. a recent study showed that men wanted caretaker types of women.

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 11:38 AM | Link to this

Hey Hot Chocolate..damn I mean cey…hope you are having a great week!! Almost Friday so it can’t be that bad!

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 11:39 AM | Link to this

LOL @ Royal Chic! Are you snapping!?

I said blog persona Vince…so I can ONLY take you by words, and if you can’t take a man at his word then, well you know….

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 11:39 AM | Link to this

^5 @ ATL - That’s EXACTLY the way I feel. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and the man and woman should leverage both in THEIR OWN relationship and do what works for them.

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 11:44 AM | Link to this

@cey: heeeeeeeeeeeell naw i didn’t used to date vince. he’d get on my nerves.

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 11:45 AM | Link to this

anon - we were having that discussion at my friend’s dinner party. It got HEATED! The professional men in the group were a bit defensive, which made me REALLY wonder.

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 11:47 AM | Link to this

^5Atl…Rock on!

By Royal Chic

January 20, 2005 11:49 AM | Link to this

WISE-I do everything in my power to ignore all the contradictions, but after a while I can’t take it anymore….especially when the contradictions are supported by more contradictions…….grrrrrrr!!!! It makes me angry…..

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 11:52 AM | Link to this

i think most professional men want someone who can handle the stuff they don’t like to so they can focus on their career.

i actually had a convo with a friend. his exact words were “this is going to sound old-fashioned. but believe it or not, i have met women who don’t think it is beneath them to do my laundry or cook for me.”

i said: “um, but if a woman has a good career, she probably won’t be the domestic type. she either won’t be into it or won’t have the energy.”

his words: that’s why i wouldn’t want a woman with a high powered career.

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 11:52 AM | Link to this

Jo - I used to go over his house and the first thing I’d do is give him a great big hug and kiss. Then we’d sit on the couch and I’d lay in his lap. We may talk about our days or just say nothing at all.

He’s overseas working right now (not in a war zone, thank goodness) and won’t be back in ATL until June (but will be going to meet him in Italy next month). So we talk on the phone a lot (he can call me for free). It’s amazing how much you can learn about someone when all you have is the phone.

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 11:57 AM | Link to this

anon - I wonder if that article is what prompted this discussion. One lady said that powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because (some) men may prefer to marry less accomplished women. She was speaking about her own experiences, and also of her close circle of friends. Now, I didn’t know much about they lady to form an opinion of her views about men/relationships, but I think there was some truth to what she was saying.

By JustJo

January 20, 2005 12:01 PM | Link to this

MsAP I just love that do nothing feeling. Isn’t it the best? I could have had the crappest day in the world or even be, what I think is, mad at him and when I see his face…Girl….all is right with the world. I know I probably get the biggest, cheesest, kool-aid smile across my face. It’s always the little things. Being alone together, going to the park, sharing a laugh on a road trip. Love is so beautiful when it’s done right.

By cey

January 20, 2005 12:01 PM | Link to this

Hey Black what’s cracking? It is close to Friday so I’m trying to stay patient.

Anon lol…Okay I was wondering…

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 12:10 PM | Link to this

@Anon That’s an insecure professional brother speaking.

I want a woman with a career and a life of her own. I think that balances things for me, personally. I like helping her excel as well as I like her helping me excel.

There are maaannnny professional men married to sucessful career driven women and I am sure they push each other. There are many blue collar brother’s married to career driven sista’s, who have degree’s and the brothers don’t.

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 12:12 PM | Link to this

JustJo…..uhmmmmm, just a question, but you are talking about your own man, right? Not Ms AP’s?

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 12:13 PM | Link to this

Ok…..what have I missed…

By Flo-it

January 20, 2005 12:13 PM | Link to this

@SWATS- Man Dude, you like a Timex, takes a licking and keeps on ticking….

I must say though, for women to come here and try to gain insight on how a man thinks or why he acts a certain way, and then bash one for presenting his views (albeit contradictory) speaks to the narrowmindedness (not a word) of some. I mean farreal dawg (SWATS) you can’t have two views to every situation. You make valid points and then contradict yourself immediately afterwards. (Guess ya still in that figuring out what I want phase) I will say that he does bring perspectives that some men think about but will not bring to the table, and for that I applaud him. But you killing your own credibility with the contradictions peeps.

As far as the women, yeah he may seem full of ish, but he is not saying anything your man (or future man) hasn’t thought of, or thought to bring to your attention at some point. Optimism is also a learning process. If you can’t understand the man, ask questions (this doesn’t apply to just him; but to your man as well). Martians and Venusians are going to always disagree with something, but if you want a better understanding you have to seek it. A lot of times it’s whether you want to deal with seeking out the answers that I think gets women to give up because most do not or don’t know how.

Disclaimer- I do not know SWATS, am not affiliated with the goob squad, nor do I know this man from Adam. I do appreciate reading his (and all of your) views at times, even if I don’t totally agree with them.

By Ignatius

January 20, 2005 12:16 PM | Link to this

@Wise, I don’t know if you can answer that True or False. I think which one a man leans towards shows his ego. Men who want a mother figure will pick a boss or someone over his job ranking. I think someone who feels inferior will pick someone they percieve to be beneath them. I guess a lateral relationship would be somewhere in between.
Chores, if you are ever going to make a marriage work and have both parties have any semblance of any energy at the end of the week, you’re going to split them up. I vacuum and do the laundry and dust because my sweetie can’t handle the dust. She puts clothes up, cleans the bathrooms, and straightens up because she is better at those tasks than I am, not that I aspire to any of them. She cooks, I wash dishes. She yells at the kids, I beat them. Strike that last one. I do cook. My kids love it when Momma goes out of town because they know there will be no fat free or low calorie dishes coming out of the kitchen. Pigs in a blanket, pancakes, greasy pizza, ribs, fatty meat. LOL Honestly, it is a team effort and with women in the workplace as a necessity instead of a luxury, it’s only fair. Both parties are partners. The Beaver Cleaver days of a provider and a homemaker are long gone. Guys and ladies, I am snowed under. You all have a great day and a good weekend if I don’t hop on again before the end of the day.

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 12:21 PM | Link to this

Ms AP -man, you are really into that brother. That is refreshing to see. From your picture -you are a very attractive woman, so am sure you get all types of offers from men, surely you have been approached by some together cats. To see you hold down your love for dude -is commendable. hope that was spelled correctly -if not -you know what I mean

On you doing nothing phase -I have always said, sometimes doing nothing is doing something.

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 12:27 PM | Link to this

assuming i’m in flo-it’s “narrowminded” camp: i wasn’t asking for insight and then bashing. i pretty much knew where vince was going with that line of thought. call it socratic style bloggin’ if you will.

i have a good understanding of what men want. i’m just saying that it’s not a one-way street. and any man who expects his woman to work 40+ hours and then handle another 14+ hours of work inside the home every week is just asking for a lifeless, sexless relationship.

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 12:48 PM | Link to this

Carrington - I appreciate the compliment :) I love my Honey and I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better man for me. The last serious relationship I had was with my college sweetheart in 1999. We had a great relationship but having a long distance thing really made us grow apart.

I admit that I had a laundry list of things I wanted in a man and I really didn’t think it was possible to meet someone with most of them. I have quite a few male friends but no one really sparked my interest since my last relationship. I decided to concentrate on doing things that make me happy and if the man for me happens to come along then I’ll be ready to receive him.

Then here comes my Honey from out of nowhere. I didn’t take him seriously at first and wanted to take things slow. Before I knew it, virtually all of the things on my “what I want in a man” list were checked off! I absolutely adore him.

By Tazzee

January 20, 2005 12:50 PM | Link to this

good afternoon all!

Been reading all day, just got a chance to post and I must say I love Ignatius’ posts. Also MsAP your posts make me smile also. I hope to be able to make posts like that in the near future.

This is some good dialogue today.

By Flo-it

January 20, 2005 01:00 PM | Link to this

LOL @Anon. I’d have to agree with you. But it works both ways as well. Men don’t want to work 40+ a week and have to take car of home inside an out either, but it is sometimes expected, from both sexes. Can’t speak for everyone, but personally I think that your relationship is as much of a “job” as the one you spend 40+ a week at. Look at it as overtime, if you will, but is it still a job to hold on to a relationship. Some of these things shouldn’t even be considered “expectations” as you have indicated, but should be things that are done (again by both sexes) to make life easier for one another.

(Men/Women)If you are employed and in a relationship, What is the difference in giving your SO 40+ hours and giving your employer 40+? Answer: nothing, you just have two full time jobs!

JMHO

By Shoe Addict

January 20, 2005 01:04 PM | Link to this

Not to change the subject, Lamont Bentley (played Hakim on Moesha) was killed in a car crash Tuesday night.

By Royal Chic

January 20, 2005 01:16 PM | Link to this

@Shoe Addict…..thanks for informing us….I’m sorry to hear that…may he rest in peace:)

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 01:17 PM | Link to this

bingo: flo-it. that’s the point i’m trying to make … “roles” in a relationship need to be flexible. my parents have done just that for the last 36 years.

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 01:18 PM | Link to this

It makes your relationship “job” that much easier when both people know how to compromise and help each other out. The last thing I’d want is to come home after a hard days work to arguing over who’s cooking tonite, why didn’t so and so take out the trash, etc. If you develop some sort of routine and communicate to each other, then your home would be a much happier and less stressful place.

By Shoe Addict

January 20, 2005 01:27 PM | Link to this

I have a question for Vince if he’s still around.. How long have you been dating your current OH(other half)?

By divine1

January 20, 2005 01:28 PM | Link to this

@MsAP - I think it’s a beautiful thing that you found that kind of love & understanding in your relationship. As Carrington said , it’s refreshing to read a woman give her man props. Y’all keep it going strong.

By Royal Chic

January 20, 2005 01:30 PM | Link to this

I notice that Vince never uses his relationship as an example to illustrate all of his “sound” advice about relationships…..he reads like a bachelor…if he had the experience and was in a successful relationship he would read completely different…just my observation:)

By gucci man

January 20, 2005 01:36 PM | Link to this

If a broad is staying at home she needs to be all up in the domestic stuff. If i am working 40+ horus a week so you dont have to be confined to these kind of hours then there definitely has to be some sort of equal stuff going down at home.

The cats that say they want a broad with a career but who can also take care of all the traditionally wifely duties are setting themselves up for failure if they cannot bring themselves to help out around the house. Hell loml is home all day and i still find myself picking up and cleaning up. But I realize I do MUCH less than she does around there and FAR less than I would be doing if I was on my own.

By 2 can play that game

January 20, 2005 01:37 PM | Link to this

G’day, all…..interesting; to say the least…sup Ivy, missin ya.

By Imperfectamythst

January 20, 2005 01:40 PM | Link to this

What up Peeps

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 01:43 PM | Link to this

Divine - Thanks :) I plan on it. Our conversations have graduated from just “You and I” to “We and Us”. I know the kind of man I have and will do all that I can to remind him of how much he is loved and appreciated. And I know that he will do the same for me.

I believe that he came into my life at the right time. That’s why I believe that a man or woman needs to get him or herself together and enjoy being in his/her own company FIRST. If you don’t like being with yourself, what man or woman would?

By 2 can play that game

January 20, 2005 01:47 PM | Link to this

to all wife aspirants:

you wanna stay at home, fine….I’ll bring home the bacon, just be damned if I cook it, too!

By Shoe Addict

January 20, 2005 01:47 PM | Link to this

I agree MsAp. My daughter told me yesterday that I fuss to much. So that is something that I have to work on before I start to date again.

By Flo-it

January 20, 2005 01:51 PM | Link to this

@MsAP. Point well taken. But we know that only in a perfect world will one ALWAYS be willing to compromise. Hence why some of us (speaking of myself) are single. Some things need to be settled, others can’t be settled for. The thing is in determining what you can/cannot negotiate. Some of us (such as your situation) are blessed enough to find that median, others resolve to just be single. Unfortunately, there are too many people who spell relationship with multiple IIIIII’s. Those are the same ones who point out their SO’s flaws instead of their own.

I’m outta here early today. Thanks for the interesting dialouge ladies.

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 01:51 PM | Link to this

i see y’all folks done finally came back from lunch. thank you …

@msap: that’s so sweet sniiiif …

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 01:53 PM | Link to this

Ms.AP is making that coupled life sound blissful! Thanks for sharing with us..it is wonderful to read! (sigh)

By Michelle

January 20, 2005 01:55 PM | Link to this

Ms.AP I just popped in and the first thing I saw was your love story. Thank you for making me smile. I thought for a long time that I was the only person I knew who believed that real, I mean real love truly exists.

By gucci man

January 20, 2005 01:58 PM | Link to this

Ms AP, i guess it’ll be mRs. Ap soon. Interesting, about the stand yourself cause really i get on my own nerves, and I think loml gets on her own nerves, but we cannot stand other people we are both like this, oddest thing.

By Michelle

January 20, 2005 02:00 PM | Link to this

Flo-it, it’s not always about settling or what you will and won’t settle for. You have to pick ur battles.

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 02:00 PM | Link to this

Wise - Yeah its nice because I have a great man. But the single life doensn’t have to be so bad. If you surround yourself with good friends and/or family, do things you enjoy, or volunteer your time to help those in need, you will be just fine.

By Tray

January 20, 2005 02:00 PM | Link to this

MsAP- very true about getting oneself together before becoming a we. Cheers to you!

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 02:00 PM | Link to this

@Shoe Back from lunch 6mos in the current sichiation.

@RC Everything I talk about comes from personal experience or my relationship(s).

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 02:01 PM | Link to this

Hold up..so Gucci is the new name for Aggwitt…

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 02:06 PM | Link to this

I totally agree Ms.AP..I joke all the time that my single life may be TOO good, i.e. it will take a special guy to feel compelled to leave it!

By Michelle

January 20, 2005 02:07 PM | Link to this

Hey Carringotn- I thought u had my back. U left me out to dry the other day.

By Shoe Addict

January 20, 2005 02:07 PM | Link to this

Carrington I was thinking the same thing about Gucci.

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 02:11 PM | Link to this

Carrington - I noticed that earlier! The “broad” thing gave it away.

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 02:11 PM | Link to this

Michelle -what did I do -you lost me.

By Michelle

January 20, 2005 02:12 PM | Link to this

OK 2- Bring it, you’ll have it cooked! lol

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 02:12 PM | Link to this

Hey guys, I just got off the phone with the point person, at a well known magazine.

They will be doing a story on Relationships in Atlanta,probably sometime in February of this year and it was funny, the Station Manger is a single black woman and we started talking about all this stuff on the blog and today’s topic (almost an hour of talking about stuff she has been through,past stuff I been through,stuff that most single men and women go through.)

I will keep you guys posted on the details and invite y’all, for feedback. This should be fun. Atlanta magazine will be participating as well.Mia, I told her about your blog.

By Royal Chic

January 20, 2005 02:12 PM | Link to this

I LOVE being single!!! Will go down as some of the funnest years of my life….gives you time to get to know YOU a little better!!!

By gucci man

January 20, 2005 02:17 PM | Link to this

Oh damn i aint even realize I was posting as Gucci anymore. I just had that daggone song in my head this morning and figured it would be worth a laugh…ima change back now…but im still so iceeeeeeaaayyyyyyyy

By "Tha S.W.A.T.S."

January 20, 2005 02:20 PM | Link to this

@agg Who pretending to be someone else now??? Busted!

By aggressively witty

January 20, 2005 02:22 PM | Link to this

what a moron. pretending to be someone else when my syntax, usage and everything remained the same. STFU King Dolt

By Michelle

January 20, 2005 02:25 PM | Link to this

Carrington- Atl says I made a certain topless promise for the cook out and I know u would have backed me up by saying u didn’t remember either.

By Michelle

January 20, 2005 02:27 PM | Link to this

Agg Did u really think no one would realize. You were bound to get busted sooner or later.

By 2 can play that game

January 20, 2005 02:27 PM | Link to this

yeah, Michelle, that’s right you did flake out on us……but ummm, ‘bout that bacon…..holla at me, and I’ll tell ya how I like ‘em cooked.

By aggressively witty

January 20, 2005 02:29 PM | Link to this

Are yall not reading? I said

“Oh damn i aint even realize I was posting as Gucci anymore. I just had that daggone song in my head this morning and figured it would be worth a laugh”

RIF people RIF

By Miss B

January 20, 2005 02:32 PM | Link to this

Dag… AggWitt Now I that song is in my head too..!

@MsAp Congrats! I’ve been scanning today so can’t really post, but it’s so wonderful to see, ummm I mean read someone so in love!

Wassup Ivy, WD, Anon!

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 02:33 PM | Link to this

Trust, AW’s comments read the same……he was being funny…. I even addressed him earlier as AW instead of Gucci…….when he first posted he typed Iceeaaaayyyyy! or some lyrics to that song….Gucci Man is a rapper and he’s got this weird song out that says something about him be Icey (aka “iced out”)…….

Now, pretending to be someone else and posting outside of your normal thoughts????????…..hmmmmmmmmmmm, now I wonder who that would be?

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 02:36 PM | Link to this

Hey, Miss B! How’s it going?

By Michelle

January 20, 2005 02:36 PM | Link to this

2- Common now u know….. and s for the bacon, if I’m cookin we need to compromise on how it’s done. I have my own style. If u want it ur way u have to show me.

By Miss B

January 20, 2005 02:36 PM | Link to this

Uh Ohh…. what did I walk into…LOL!

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 02:43 PM | Link to this

Oh my!!!!

Hey, 2.

By Tray

January 20, 2005 02:45 PM | Link to this

Hey agg over here rollin

By 2 can play that game

January 20, 2005 02:48 PM | Link to this

sup Ivy, thought you were iggin’ me for a minute…..

By Wise Diva

January 20, 2005 02:50 PM | Link to this

Hey there Ms. B!

*anon - the topic at that party eventually led to the menfolk breaking it down to us ladies (the single ones) what they thought women did wrong in the dating game:

One guy said that women act like mothers and treat men like children.

Another said that women sacrifice who they are and put themselves second in importance to the man they love, and end up regretting/resenting the man later. (even though they may not have asked her to do that).

Women fall in love with a man’s potential. (potential earnings, behavior, etc.)

Women cover up their excellence and competence. (this older guy was on point!)

Women give up their power VERY early in a relationship. (with little reciprocity from their man)

Women act like little girls to get what they want from a man, and then flip it later and elicit BAD responses from the “real behavior”.

Your thoughts?

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 02:53 PM | Link to this

The only bacon I’m cookin’ is turkey bacon. And just because a woman stays home, doensn’t mean that she’s always the one who cooks. A stay at home mom (or dad) is a full time job. They need breaks too.

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 02:55 PM | Link to this

Man, stop it….iggin’ you…..never!!!!

Hey is Keith over there? If so, tell him that I need him. I sent him an email this morning and called his cell, but I wasn’t sure that he was at work today. Thanks in advance.

By aggressively witty

January 20, 2005 02:58 PM | Link to this

Stay at home mom or dad gets a break from the 8 - 2:45 shiiiiddd I would QUICKLY switch places with loml and stay at home all day. I could go play golf in the morning, still make it home in time to wash the clothes, clean up a lil bit and cook.

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 03:01 PM | Link to this

“Another said that women sacrifice who they are and put themselves second in importance to the man they love, and end up regretting/resenting the man later. (even though they may not have asked her to do that).”

“Women give up their power VERY early in a relationship. (with little reciprocity from their man)”

I argue these two points all the time w/ my close girlfriends. How can you go full speed into a relationship when dude was only doing 10mph to begin w/? Too often women are so quick to give up their phonebook and stop meeting any new potentials just because they met a man that “seems” nice.WTF?????? if the two of you haven’t sat down to talk about where the relationship is going, how can you be mad if it ain’t at the place where you thought it should be…….again, communication, observation, and learning is vital…….absolutely vital……

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 03:04 PM | Link to this

ADub - I was moreso referring to a mom with kids under 6. When I’m ready to have kids, I want to stay at home for about a year. After that, it’s back to work. I’d rather be in a position where I can work from home at least twice a week or be close to my kids’ daycare/sitter. I’m very career oriented so I can’t see being a stay at home mom.

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 03:13 PM | Link to this

Michelle -I am going to have to side with ATL & 2can on the topless gesture. when will this cooking be happening -lol

Tell you whaqt -when you make that bacon for 2 -go topless. 2 we expect a full report -haha.

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 03:17 PM | Link to this

@ Michelle - Is 2 planning to go bottomless for you?

By Michelle

January 20, 2005 03:22 PM | Link to this

I don’t know, well 2 r u?

C- man we need to talk, I though we were >< here.

By 2 can play that game

January 20, 2005 03:23 PM | Link to this

yeah, sure.

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 03:24 PM | Link to this

The Season premiere of the Apprentice airs tonight @ 8:30pm.

By Michelle

January 20, 2005 03:28 PM | Link to this

Ooooooooh u sound sooooooo excited. lol

By MsAP

January 20, 2005 03:31 PM | Link to this

Ivy - thanks for the reminder. I am rooting for the team with the HS diplomas!

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 03:34 PM | Link to this

My SO stayed home for about a year with our baby…he said it was the best year of his life so far…the girl has him WRAPPED tightly around her fingers!

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 03:36 PM | Link to this

yeah. wise, i’ve been guilty of #2 and #3. i think they speak the truth.

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 03:39 PM | Link to this

I hope this season apprentice is better than last seasons…I too am rooting for the Street smart team! I tend to always root for the underdog!

By Ivy

January 20, 2005 03:40 PM | Link to this

I was just reading their bios and they are pretty smart and business minded for not having full fledge degrees…….I have always said that you don’t need a college degree to be successful, you just have to want success and it’s yours. College ain’t for everybody and it seems as if a lot of people w/ advanced degrees don’t have a lick of common sense.

By MsK

January 20, 2005 03:41 PM | Link to this

Afternoon folks! Just returned from over three hours at the social security office for a silly little name change. As I sat there in my misery I honestly thought I could become violent if provoked. Why can’t they make that place better!?!

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 03:46 PM | Link to this

I think the Apprentice would be more interesting if they had different companies like one season was Trump another would be like BIll Gates, etc.etc….Trumps ego is too big for that

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 03:54 PM | Link to this

MsK, because it is associated witht eh Fed Govt and their entire system is slow and inconsistent…they dont give a darn about customer service, or keeping it moving…gubment

By Tray

January 20, 2005 03:57 PM | Link to this

Trump’s ego matches his hair! I use to admire this man, him, Ivan Boesky and Micheal Milken. Back in my GREED is good days. I’ve changed.

My dad and I discussed him getting married? My dad said “why get married he’s already been living with her and getting the milk for free”

lol

By anonymousella

January 20, 2005 04:05 PM | Link to this

maybe trump is trying to earn some dough to save trump castle from going under. … (dang.. now that gawd awful jingle is in my head. trump castle hotel and casiiiiiiiiiino.. baby do weeeee knoooooooooow how to treat a king…)

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 04:10 PM | Link to this

Yeah why marry for the 3rd time…guess this one is the charm…

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 04:12 PM | Link to this

Michelle we are still there -but you did say you were going to do some cooking on the topless tip -lol

By Tray

January 20, 2005 04:15 PM | Link to this

I wonder if there are odds on his wedding?

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 04:17 PM | Link to this

Carrington you still tryna see some tig ole biddies…man stop it!!! lol

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 04:18 PM | Link to this

Odds that he will trade her in for a newer model in a few years…

By jael

January 20, 2005 04:45 PM | Link to this

Blackice, I thought the same thing when I read about her search for the perfect dress… but oh well

By BlackIce

January 20, 2005 04:45 PM | Link to this

Looks like everyone has dipped on out…yall be cool!

By Tray

January 20, 2005 04:47 PM | Link to this

100K for the perfect dress marriage that lasts a lifetime ……priceless

Y’all have a good one,I’m out!

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 04:55 PM | Link to this

Guess all has gone….

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 04:57 PM | Link to this

BlackIce -anytime I can see me some tig ol biddies….

I have to take advantage of it -lol

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 04:59 PM | Link to this

All have a good evening….

By Carrington

January 20, 2005 05:01 PM | Link to this

Why is this thing still up at 5:01 pm…..

By divine1

January 21, 2005 10:55 AM | Link to this

Hello

By Blue

January 21, 2005 12:57 PM | Link to this

Hello…