View from the cop: Crime & punishment
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AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2009 > February > 05
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Hey, that’s a stop sign stupid!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
We’re not the most studious of species when it comes to using our brains and driving at the same time, especially when it comes to four way stop signs.
We just don’t do that well.
Most traffic complaints come in two forms. Stop signs and speeding. Since I don’t like to drive over 50 MPH, I chose to look at some of the four way stop sign complaints.
I picked out an intersection listed on the complaint log and headed out. In order for me not to have to write a ticket, I parked my police car right up next to the intersection so that those traveling in any of the four directions could easily see me. The plan was to park the big police car up where everyone can see me and sit there for a while so that the drivers could see me and they would stop and then when they got home, they would call and / or e-mail all their friends and relatives that the cops were watching that intersection and thus, as I calculated it, thousands of potential traffic offenders would then observe the stop signs and life again, would be good.
The potential offenders would avoid a ticket, the complainers would see the cops at the intersection and sleep well and I could sit there for a while and surf the Internet while pretending to look intimidating in my sunglasses and stern look.
That was the plan.
As life often does, the events did not go as well as I hoped. I was just about to check out Oprah’s Book of the Month on her website when a big ol’ BMW came right through the intersection and she never slowed one bit. She never saw me because she had a cell phone up to her ear and was engrossed in deep conversation. This was more than even I could ignore—mostly because two other cars at the intersection who did stop were looking at me.
Oprah would have to wait.
I put the car in gear, pushed my sunglasses down to give me that even more stern look and off I went at speeds that hit almost 30 MPH. Fortunately the lady in the big ol’ BMW was still on the phone and had no clue I was behind her—which suited me fine since I was trying find the blue light button on the control panel. (Last time I did this I accidentally opened the hood.) I found it, turned it on and commenced to pulling that BMW over.
She didn’t pull over.
I turned on every light that car had, enough to be seen in space, but she kept right on going.
I had no choice but to activate the siren which I did and which did get her attention real quick. She made a right turn into her subdivision and pulled over. I checked the tag on my super police laptop computer after minimizing Oprah’s website and then checked myself out in the rear view mirror to be sure I had that very stern look on my face, and I got out of the car—keep in mind that I was wearing about fifteen pounds of belt-ridden equipment and a Kevlar vest.
As I got out I prayed that all that weight wouldn’t send me right to the ground as I exited the Tahoe. I’d look like a turtle, rolling back and forth to get off my back. I have to admit that regardless of how they improve Kevlar (bullet-proof) vests, they’re still damn uncomfortable. I looked like Frankenstein with a stern look walking up to that big ol’ BMW.
Well, by the time I got up there, she had her license out and had moved the phone to the other ear so she could hear me better. I didn’t say “Do you know why I stopped you?” I never say that. I figure you know or if you don’t, I’ll tell you.
Anyway, she must have called her neighbor friend who, by the time I got her license and put on my reading glasses, came down the street and stood by the big ol’ BMW. She waved at me so I waved back and then did the Frankenstein lumbering walk back to the Tahoe to check out her driver’s license on the computer.
By the time I got the return on the license, two more friends showed up. They waved so I waved back. I got out of the Tahoe, did the Frankenstein thing back to her car, waiting a couple of minutes for girls to conclude their conversation about how exciting it was to get pulled over so could lecture the driver. I told ladies that we were going to be at the intersection off and on because of the complaints we received but I had decided not to issue a citation, mainly because she was polite and seemed to understand the need to obey stop signs.
What I didn’t say was that I had left my pen on my desk at the station.
Everyone has a lucky day now and then.
