View from the cop: Crime & punishment
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AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2008 > December > 01
Monday, December 1, 2008
On holiday eating and shopping
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I went to Cincinnati for Thanksgiving.
I had a nice dinner and then complained about how much I ate—then had another piece of pumpkin pie. I like pumpkin pie at 3 a.m. when it’s ice cold. I never had a taste for the pecan pie as much as pumpkin.
We go to Cincinnati at least once a year. Detective Sandy requires this for her Gold Star Chili fix. She is obsessed to the point of being scary. I like it too but she’s in her own weird Gold Star Chili zone. Going up I-75, the first Gold Star is in Lexington at Man O’ War Boulevard. I know this because I’m required to stop here, not two exits down the road, but here, regardless of time of day.
After a small ceremony where she chants to the chili gods, we eat a four-way (onions) and thank the staff, take some photos, and we’re on the way. Cincinnati is less than two hours north—just about time for me to make it before nature says hello to Cincinnati Chili.
My worst fears were realized. Detective Sandy convinced her dad that we needed to get out and shop on Friday—early on Friday. How could this man do this to me? I don’t mind getting out and don’t really mind that much shopping when there’s something in it for me but I don’t like to mix it up with veteran shoppers who live for this day. It’s not even remotely fun.
Want to know how much fun it wasn’t? I had a stare-down with a tiny Samoan woman over a pair of Spiderman boxers. I caved. She was mentally prepared to do things I wasn’t. What fun is that?
I hate getting up early. To do this to shop is ridiculous. What’s wrong with these people? Even with the early morning crush of shoppers, the late afternoons were quiet. Why not even it out and open the doors at 10 a.m. instead of 5:30 a.m.
Now that the shopping season is here and we can’t do anything about it, know that the bottom dwellers are out too. Thefts from cars will go up. It’s the simplest crime to prevent but it will spike again if people continue to ignore common sense. Don’t leave packages in the back seat in full view. If you’re going to do the all-day marathon shopping, take a break and carry the first load home and then return. This will also give you a chance to drop your husband or boyfriend, or worse, fiancé off.
Guys, If you’re engaged, then you don’t have a prayer. Want proof? Do this: Go to the mega-mall and look at the faces of the men. Look for the “thousand-yard” stare. Those are the fiancés. They’re in deep enough and don’t have experience enough to get out of the shopping trips.
When they’re still in “boyfriend-girlfriend” phase, men still have a chance. They’re not yet on record as “fiancé.” Once there, however, all hope is lost and you might as well get your little green earth-friendly shopping bag and join the legion of doom as you accompany your lovely wife-to-be as you look for cute things for people you don’t even know that well. Why don’t you just go ahead and get matching sweatshirts to wear while you shop while you’re at it!
I’m sorry but I just hate to shop—especially when it doesn’t directly benefit me.
My kids are in the “gift-certificate” ages. I don’t give cash. They’ll blow it. I go for gasoline, grocery-store, or tattoo parlor certificates. Thoughtful, yet practical.
At some point this was going to be about preventing crime during the holiday shopping. I’ll follow up on that next. Funny how things work out.
