View from the cop: Crime & punishment
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AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2008 > August > 08
Friday, August 8, 2008
View from the Cop: Honey, I got this
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One advantage of reading police reports every morning is you get a good look at how the world turns—which can sometimes turn a bit towards the warped-out side.
I’ve noticed the following lately: Young men 21-25 are getting beat up—no, whupped in the bars, more and more for reasons that are best described as less than important. In just about all cases, the whuppin’ involves a woman.
Well anyway, that’s not really news and certainly not new news—in fact, like many of us I’ve been there.
Here’s the deal. A guy’s having an evening with his girl, in a drinking establishment sometime around 1 a.m. Just like the B-movies, some big ol’ guy with 75-inch arms and a brain the size of a microbe - a microbe fueled by alcohol no less - inserts himself into their conversation. She gets aggravated and well, her guy was ready to go anyway so he took the high road and gave a little tug on her arm as if to say “Let’s go—now!”
The big ol’ 75-inch armed guy was drunk enough to be on a five-second delay, similar to when Ted Koppel talks to a correspondent who is embedded in a rock in northern Afghanistan. He just sort of looks confused for a few seconds and then says something really clever—to him—such as “Oh yeah, so what am I?”
Now the boyfriend isn’t all that drunk and wants to just ease on out, probably because he’s been in this situation before. He sees the light at the end of the tunnel until she says something really, really stupid: “You need to Man Up!”
What??!!
If you’re not familiar with Man Up, it’s one of several new hip buzz words put into play over the last couple of years. Man Up! Is meant to imply to be like a man, do what a man would do, do the right thing. Geeze—the only thing missing is the Old Spice tune. In this guy’s case, the challenge to Man Up was witnessed by too many people.
Result: Wasn’t pretty.
In short, it’s no fair. Man Up? How dare you imply my Man Up status is anywhere but up! Don’t get me wrong, I’d Man Up for my wife but I’m under a contractual agreement and besides, she’s SWAT certified so in essence, I could Woman Up right back. Still, for the most part, I think guys need to take a little look at their social lives and get some perspective. Take this little quiz:
How many times a month do you Man Up? If you man up over three times a month and it involves a woman, you need to get rid of that woman faster than Barack Obama dumped the Reverend Jeremiah Wright because you are in what they called a dysfunctional relationship. How can you tell?
Look in the mirror. See where your teeth used to be? In police work, we call that a CLUE DUDE!!
Here’s a hint: You need to start going to bed when the clock says P.M. instead of A.M.
Boys, ya’ll are getting beat up a lot more since “Man Up” was first introduced. Think about this: If you’re going to Man Up for a woman, are you sure she’s the one? Is she going to be there for you when you’re eating from a feeding tube for the next thirty years? You need to know this before Manning Up! Look in the mirror. If you like the way you look?
Think about this: Do you want to look like Joe Palooka after Manning Up? (Okay, you younger guys go ahead and Google “Joe Palooka” so we’ll all be on the same page.) I’m not saying anything specific here but maybe—well maybe perhaps she’s not the one for you after all. Plenty of fish in the sea boys. I’m just saying think about it while your nose still points outward.
Ladies, stop abusing the term “Man Up!” It’s one thing to say it to some dead-beat dad or to members of your favorite boy-band but you need to leave that phrase in the car when there’s alcohol and steroids in the same room. Ya’ll forget how easy it is for us to get beat up! No fair!
It is depressing to see all these guys having to face “Man Up” challenges and come away with a face that could land the starring role in “Elephant Man—The Sequel.”
Take it easy on us. Let’s get nostalgic and roll it back a bit and go with some oldies but goodies like “Chill Out!” I’m picturing a Corona and a lime and no blood. Good times Ya’ll.
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