View from the cop: Crime & punishment
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AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2008 > March > 12
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Living in La-La Land: Mary Ann & Eliot
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Mary Ann’s busted and apparently “Little” Eliot Spitzer has been calling the shots in New York.
As it happens every so often, it appears that we’re in a worldly state known as “The Moon is in Klutz.” That phrase was taken from a cartoon in a book I read and I’m reminded of it every time we humans go to La-La-Land.
First of all, Mary Ann, the one and only Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island was busted for having some pot. She was sentenced to “unsupervised probation” which, by the way, is a sweet deal if you can get it. Essentially, you check in with yourself—just whenever the hell you want to! (Hey, sorry I didn’t check in with myself all last week—uh, I forgot.)
Okay, look. There were a couple of things that stood out just a little more than the pot she was found with.
First of all, she told the cops she gave a ride to three hitchhikers (AKA maybe mass murderers) and dropped them off after they started smoking “something.” Do you believe that?
Let’s say you’re a mass murderer. You and your two mass-murderer buddies are hitchhiking—not for the ride but more like trolling for the next victim. A car pulls up and whoa—it’s Mary Ann! What do you do? Do you kill her or get into some serious trivia about Gilligan’s Island? It’s a tough call. Her story though, has holes in it. Namely this: Hitchhikers don’t leave their pot lying around. If they go, it goes! Secondly, she was in Driggs, Idaho. The name alone is enough to make you want to lick a toad.
What about Driggs?
Driggs, Idaho is the County seat for Teton County, Idaho. Nestled at an elevation of 6,200 feet between the majestic Tetons and the beautiful Big Hole Mountains, Driggs has a diverse population of approximately 1,300 people in an incorporated area of nearly 350 acres. Driggs has numerous housing opportunities along with a large range of business enterprises, and three hitchhikers. Although very majestic, there is nothing to do but stare at the Tetons and get high. Not really. It’s actually very pretty and there’s no I-285 or GA-400 in the afternoon. Oh well, good luck little buddy.
Speaking of morons, New York’s Governor, Eliot Spitzer, is apologizing for frequenting high-level hookers up in Washington. He got caught up on a wire tap the feds were doing. The part I can never understand is the wife standing there beside him, in this case admitting to being “customer number nine” for the Emperor’s Club V.I.P.
He apologized and then said he needed to repair his relationship with his family and decide what’s best for the state. First of all, who were the other eight guys ahead of a governor? Secondly, what is his wife thinking other than which lawyer to use? He has three daughters and a wife at home, all having been drug through the mud. Where does this guy start the “repair” part? If I were him, I’d seriously think of spending the next few nights somewhere else as not to end up ala Phil Hartman.
What was this clown thinking? Another of our gender bites the dust thanks to his raging libido. Big Eliot let Little Eliot drive the car if you will. If he wrangled taxpayer money around to pay for this activity, he could be looking at criminal charges. If I’m Eliot’s lawyer, I get this moved out of New York and all the high profile. How can you get a fair trial?
I say move it to Driggs. Even if guilty, all you’ll have to do is check in with yourself once in a while.
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