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AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2008 > February > 05
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Surviving Valentine’s: A message to men
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Men of the world, hear me now. Log it in your Outlook, your Blackberry, sticky notes, and perhaps even carve into your left wrist. In just a few short days, we will come upon February 14th, otherwise known as the “V” word. If ever there was a reason for men to unite, this is the mother of all reasons because it is here, on this day, that we collectively shoot ourselves in the foot, year after year. The horror stories are out there.
I’m a survivor. I made a mistake and my story could affect you, so listen up. Yellow roses are called “Friendship” roses. You would think someone in the business of selling flowers would pick up on that when I distinctly said: “I’d like to get a dozen roses for my anniversary—oh hey! Those yellow ones look pretty.”
Okay, I think the word “Wife” would probably be the hint that I was flower-challenged in this area. As a professional flower person, wouldn’t you think he would pick up on that and say to me: “Sir, you’re strolling down a thorny road if you give your wife yellow roses instead of, maybe—red roses? Instead, he said not one word and off I went to present her with beautiful yellow friendship roses on our anniversary—at work.
I trusted this man—put my fate in his hands and what happened: For the next three months, my wife continuously praised my “friendship” to her, all the while making sure that our relationship didn’t exceed “friendly” boundaries if you catch my drift.
On this Valentine’s Day, learn some fundamentals.
Your financial status has no bearing on whether or not you buy flowers for your wife or girlfriend. If you have to make the choice between food and flowers, I suggest you buy the flowers. If you don’t eat, the worst that can happen is you’ll die. If you shun your little lady, your fate will be much worse.
Another no-no: waiting until the last minute to buy your Valentine’s Day card. Would you like to see something truly pitiful? Go to the nearest drugstore, around 6 p.m. on Valentine’s Day, and look at the men standing in front of a sparse collection of cheesy Valentine’s Day cards. Look at their faces. They are the doomed. Most will not survive. Learn from them.
Here is what’s left to pick from:
“Have a Beary Nice Valentine’s Day. (Picture of bear.)
“You Sweeten My Day.” (Picture of ant.)
“I’m Bananas over You!” (Picture of chimp.)
“”Looking back over the year that we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder: What the hell was I thinking?” (Picture of Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman.)
Read this and then get your keys, get in your car, and go to the store and spend some time and money on a good card and order those flowers early and for God’s sake, don’t get the yellow roses.
