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AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2008 > January > 22 > Entry
Snowed under by reporting of a non-event
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Once again we came close, but managed to survive the dreaded annual snow and ice non-event. Mass-media coverage of the snow was excellent. From what I can tell, the reporters extensively covered this almost-event with such depth that I learned several new things including what is known in the business as “The Involuntary Endless Reporting Cycle” or IERC, Pronounced “IRK” or the British version “IRKE” or the French “LE-IRK-MOU” which also translates to “I surrender, may I borrow your deodorant?”
It was a time for all meteorologists to rise, roll their sleeves up, take off that coat, undo the tie, and show us just how and when that snowflake will hit earth. Five helicopters (and one cable public access blimp) circled the sky, covering the falling flakes. On the ground, the ground reporters, the grunts of the local news force, took to the streets. Along with their camera-persons, armed with macro lenses and Chapstick, they covering the sand pits of the D.O.T. (“We are ready to go. We’ve been up all night moving the sand around. See that pile of sand? An hour ago it was all the way over there.”)
Some of you say it is overkill. Hah! I metaphorically laugh in your faces!!
Seriously, here’s the way it is: At some point, some ten minutes or so after the first broadcast, they’ve pretty much covered it all. We know a lot going into the broadcast. We know that if everyone hits the roads, traffic will be more screwed up than normal due to the exodus to the grocery stores. We also know that most humans will die within 48 hours without bread and milk. We know that once there is the slightest hint of snow and / or the “I” word, the schools will close. Perhaps the 12-month employees will be required to show up, as if they’re expendable, something that recently prompted an increase of requests to be an 11-month employee.
This year, the almost-event has been divided into three phases. Starting with last week’s prediction of doom, it is followed by Saturday night’s second coming of doom and now the 40-percent chance of doom for tonight and tomorrow. This is known as “The Perfect Doom” of reporting. The truth is, as much as they want to, the reporters cannot stop reporting on the non-event.
It’s like a giant game of Chicken. They can’t deviate from the story if there’s the slightest chance the other reporters might find something beyond what has already been reported so the depth of the reporting can be, and sometimes has to be endless. It’s not their fault! They don’t make the news, they just sail it our way, like a giant Frisbee or maybe a cow chip! Whatever.
Head for home or hang out at the local trendy coffee place, sipping something like a Latte Grande Mocha Excelso Supremo, brewed in an Espresso Restretto style, made with a single coffee bean from the deep jungle region of Gambia—on a Tuesday. Kick back people. Film at eleven. Be there!
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Comments
By Excessive Use
January 22, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this
I do love how cities in warmer climates freak out and cancel/close everything if there’s even the slightest hint of frozen precipitation (I saw a hilarious picture, taken after a rare Madrid snowfall of perhaps .25 inches, of a city square, lightly dusted with snow, being attacked by two snowplows and several men armed with shovels).
Up here in the midwest it’s much different. It takes ice-storms that bring down half the telephone poles in the county to get people to cancel things around here.
By Archie Bunker
January 22, 2008 5:36 PM | Link to this
My favorite mental picture is of the roving reporter, dressed as if embarking on a polar expedition (hint — it’s 35 freakin’ degrees outside, not minus 12), standing beside some remote intersection in east bumble-f Cherokee County, breathlessly reporting “We have seen a few flakes falling already … I repeat, snowflakes HAVE been spotted!” … as if a few flakes were the advance guard of an invading Mongol horde.
Man, my friends from Chicago just bust a gut laughing every year.
By Goddess
January 22, 2008 5:43 PM | Link to this
Weathermen in the Northeast are as excitable as a box of Lab puppies. Now, three inches is called a “winter storm.”
By Miguel
January 22, 2008 6:08 PM | Link to this
What about the real story of two brave Dekalb PD heroes that lost their lives being brushed aside by the mass conflaguration covering the snow.
By Paul
January 22, 2008 7:55 PM | Link to this
Great article! I laughed out loud after reading it. You gotta love us Native Georgians! My favorite line was
“Some of you say it is overkill. Hah! I metaphorically laugh in your faces!!”
Classic! I love it!!!
By Mac
January 22, 2008 9:05 PM | Link to this
Great non-story. Got a chuckle out of it.
By El Bubba
January 22, 2008 9:21 PM | Link to this
I spent about a week in Arizona once. I loved the evening news, when the weather guy would spend about five minutes showing maps and saying the weather was the same as it ever was and wasn’t likely to change.
Weather in Georgia is much more exciting. People can’t seem to drive in rain or snow but I rarely hear of people dieing from exposure, which is surprising…
El Bubba
By Kevin
January 23, 2008 6:11 AM | Link to this
Most weathermen see a cold front on a satellite map, and then start showing documentaries about the Donner Pass. I've always thought that if the cannibals trapped in the Donner Pass had brought just a little more beef jerky........dont laugh, making my own beef jerky is my retirement plan. Ronco sells this really cool beef drying machine on the weather channel you see....I’m trying to invent an appliance that combines the the ronco beef jerky machine with the george foreman grill….I’ve got it: the world’s first disposable mop! (dont laugh, you’ve never tasted my wife’s cooking, why, if my wife had been in the Donner Party, they wouldn’t have needed an excuse as flimsy as being stranded in a mountain pass under 50 feet of snow….)
By Bubba, Jr.
January 23, 2008 7:42 AM | Link to this
My idea of a bread cartel never got a chance to take hold. I guess I’ll have to corner the market on penicillin now. Oh well, when life hands you chicken poop make chicken salad…
By Gimp Nelson
January 23, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this
Hey, I live out here in “some remote intersection in east bumble-f Cherokee County, and we really appreciate the heads up on lousy weather, so we can board up the old double wide, get the tractor in the barn, and move the pigs into the lean to. I though the coverage was exciting.
By Gil
January 23, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this
Weather has moved from information to entertainment. It is much more exciting to use all the whiz bang equipment and go on TV “Live from the Storm-Tracking, First Alert, Early Warning Weather Center” than it is to stick your head out the window and actually observe the weather.
By Kevin
January 23, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this
Billy Crystal, as a weatherman, said that today’s forecast is: “Dont be a big shot, put on a jacket”.
love that bit.
By BJ
January 23, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this
And why could I not change the channel? I had no control, I had to watch this nonevent on my TV instead of looking out the window.
By Nebraska Sue
January 23, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this
Having been born and raised in Iowa and Nebraska, I am intrigued by the local penchant for “bread and milk”. Around here, our pre-storm grocery list is usually “beer and chips”. All I can figure out is there must be a lot of French Toast served during storms - but what if the power goes out?
By Cindy
January 23, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this
If the power goes out for an extended period of time, just throw all the refrigerated stuff out in the yard where it’s the coldest.
By El Bubba
January 23, 2008 3:26 PM | Link to this
Do you ever want to Taser a meteorologist? Half the crew doesn’t show, not because they can’t drive in it, because they were out playing in it the night before.
El Bubba