View from the cop: Crime & punishment
View from the Cop is moving to a new site on Wordpress. Blogger Steve Rose of the Sandy Springs Police Department gives his take on crime, offers safety tips and give his weekly picks from the police blotter. Follow Steve Rose to the new blog site.
AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2007 > August > 27 > Entry
Back on the (gold) chain gang
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Nicole Ritchie’s 82-minute jail sentence seems so short. I was thinking she would hit the 3-diget mark but when you’re the daughter of the King of Elevator Music you get a little leniency.
Records show the Chief Jailer considered an early release for Nicole, reportedly 44 minutes, but following the media frenzy over Paris Hilton’s early release, he decided to stand with the hard line on the sentence. Now, although 82 minutes may seem short to us, the time is utilized very efficiently. Here is a breakdown of the served sentence.
3:15 p.m. Nicole checks into the Lynwood Detention Facility. Taking a lesson from Paris’s mug shot, she poofs her lips out for the shot.
3:30 p.m. Nicole is given her prison garb and informed she won’t be placed with the “hard-timers” who are doing at least 120 minutes or more. She thanks the guards and poofs her lips out for inmate photos.
3:42 p.m. Although pregnant, Nicole says she wants no preferential treatment. As a result, she is given basic cable.
4:01- 4:18 p.m. Nichole requests to have the cast from “Miami Ink” flown in to tattoo “L-O-V-E” on her knuckles. After being told that there would not be time due to the length of the sentence, she remarks, “Prison life is a bummer” and poofs her lips out.
4:21 p.m. Nicole is taken to the detention factory to make license plates. Due the length of the sentence, she only makes the letter “Q.” She stops by the detention infirmary to have her lips treated for muscle spasms from poofing too much.
4:32 p.m. Nicole meets with the warden and is given a cheap suit, suitcase, and twenty bucks to start a new life after time in the joint. She informs the warden they’ll never take her back alive. She asks to meet with Judge Ito to have the charges dismissed. She is informed that having the charges dropped is something she should have done before serving time and Judge Ito was the judge in the O.J. Simpson case, not hers. She screams “Look what you people have done to me. You call this rehabilitation!!??”
4:37 p.m. Nicole leaves the Lynwood Detention Facility after a short press conference. She tells the media that she has changed and will now serve the world. She says the first thing she will do is seek guidance from the Dolly Mama.
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By Carbon Footprint
August 27, 2007 11:19 AM | Link to this
Very Funny! Well executed. I can tell you enjoyed writing this one!
Great job. I wouldn’t change a thing, except to note that it was sure a hot summer, what with the barbie bandits, paris and nicole all in prison for a while, you know I heard they dont wear hardly nuthin’ ‘neath them prison outfits…..
By Natalie*
August 28, 2007 7:04 AM | Link to this
You are so stooopid! (That’s a good thing when it comes to humor)
By Lex Luthor
August 28, 2007 3:41 PM | Link to this
Too bad the “Simple Life” was can’ed. This years theme could be Jail Hoes.
By Dave
August 28, 2007 7:01 PM | Link to this
Help!!! I know this sounds stupid, but what is inappropriate behavior in a public bathroom? I really do know the obvious but tapping your foot in a stall? I’ve probably been trolling and didn’t know it. Thankfully, no one has asked me for a date after a visit to the men’s room.
By Widespread Panic
August 30, 2007 2:08 PM | Link to this
Come on Steve surely you have something better to report on now that Sandy Springs is dirty, crime ridden hood.