View from the cop: Crime & punishment
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AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2007 > August > 22 > Entry
The Case of the Fatal Error Message
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Monday was like every other Monday except that everything at work was different and a bunch of other things, but other than that it was the same. I left work, went home after a short hour-and-a-half drive, and got the mountain bike. I ride the mountain bike because everything about it is rugged—like me. I’m a rugged guy.
I was riding my rugged mountain bike without brakes. I don’t need brakes. Brakes are for sissy-boys. I was riding my rugged mountain bike, the one without brakes, down the rugged trails. I was sweating like most rugged guys do, as I rode the rugged trails. I left my phone behind because rugged guys don’t use cell phones on the trails. They use smoke signals or just yell really loud.
For the next hour I ruggedly rode the mountain bike down the trails, working up a good sweat—not glistening — as I watched the other riders pass me, at a high rate of speed, on my left of course. Rugged isn’t necessarily fast.
I rode the trails wearing my used hockey helmet. I don’t wear bike helmets. They sit up too high on the head and they curl up on the back end making one look like some sort of space-gnome in a low-budge science fiction movie. No, I wear a hockey helmet with a sign on the back that reads “Convicted Felon” just in case someone wants to pass me on the right.
Following my ride, I returned to my pickup truck, extended cab with full bed and toolbox, chrome, not plastic. Notice I did not say I returned to my minivan. I put my bike in the pickup bed, not on a sissy-rack, all the while wiping my sweaty brow on my Jethro Tull, — original Jethro Tull — concert shirt from the San Diego Sports Arena (circa 1972) as I opened the door to my rugged pickup truck.
As I always do, I checked my cell phone for important calls such as if my neighborhood had issued any bulletins from the Imperial Weed Commandant or if Jeff Dore had finally bought a new tie.
The screen read: Fatal Error 102-Reset. I yelled “Clear!!” and reset the button. I don’t know why I did that. I saw it on TV and I just got excited. I yelled for help. One of the other less rugged guys pulled out his cell phone and called what I thought was 911. I think he got confused and dialed something else.
A short time later some chick named Destiny showed up and told me I had been a bad boy and needed a spanking.
The fact is that we have become so dependent on cell phones that it actually takes away from our ruggedness. It’s ridiculous. Do you know where the nearest pay phone is? I think it’s in Erwin County. I don’t know.
It’s one thing to ride the rugged trails and not to take your cell phone with you. But at least you know you have one. Today I’ll ride the trails but probably not ruggedly. I’ll glisten, not sweat, and maybe I’ll go shopping afterwards. Very strange how these phones affect us.
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Comments
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By ATL20G
August 22, 2007 9:22 AM | Link to this
What the heck was in your coffee this morning??? Did you get if from the Sargent over the weekend??
By SSResident
August 22, 2007 12:47 PM | Link to this
Too funny! You remind me of Dave Barry. I really think that you could make $s by publishing a “best of” book. BTW, I cannot tell you how much I love seeing the SSprings police all over town. I NEVER saw the FC police, but you guys are always around. Keep up the good work.
By ekellyb
August 22, 2007 4:11 PM | Link to this
It’s not just that you’re too much, you’re all at once, aren’t you?
By Lt. Steve
August 22, 2007 4:34 PM | Link to this
ATL20G This was quite natural thank you. I wrote it to hack off the weed guy on the HOA in the neighborhood and make fun of Jeff Dore (WSB). There is a place for silliness i guess.
By Fred
August 22, 2007 7:23 PM | Link to this
Sweet
By ATL20G
August 22, 2007 8:10 PM | Link to this
Lt Steve; I know your humor is about the only natural thing left about you. As far as SSresident goes, half the Sandy Springs Police Dept are former Fulton Cty Police Officers. Just that their cars are newer and easier to see..
By Natalie*
August 23, 2007 7:03 AM | Link to this
OMG! What a great way to start my day! You are without a doubt the funniest cop on the planet. Keep ‘em coming Steve. :-)
By Mike Helms
August 23, 2007 6:36 PM | Link to this
rugged guys rock
By Christi
August 24, 2007 12:15 AM | Link to this
It’s just goes to show ya. The job will eventually make you drool. You just don’t know what will happen. Better to talk gibberish.
By crabbi
August 25, 2007 8:03 AM | Link to this
it’s Irwin county…
By daughter
August 26, 2007 10:17 AM | Link to this
<< Today I’ll ride the trails but probably not ruggedly. I’ll glisten, not sweat, and maybe I’ll go shopping afterwards. Very strange how these phones affect us. >>
As long as you don’t ask for directoins, you’re sitll a rugged guy. Great post!