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AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2007 > July > 31 > Entry
A tube socks ‘n’ air guitar vacation
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Every few weeks one needs a week at the beach—and not the drink, or the drink alone, but the R and R of doing nothing.
Such was the case last Thursday through the weekend for Detective Sandy and me. We made our Panama City trip, the same one we’ve made for years. Although the big high-rise condos are replacing the old sand-worn motels on the beach, the redneck factor is still there, evident by last call at Spinnakers and Club La Vela. The trail of drunk “Whoooeeeeee’s” stretch for a quarter mile.
The old Treasure Island Motel, located around the curve on Thomas Drive, is gone, replaced by the Treasure Island mega high-rise condo with weird orange paint. Fortunately Schooners, the last local beach bar, was still there and although more refined than it used to be, they still fire the cannon at sunset, signaling the beginning of the night’s entertainment, including the redneck air-guitar improv and later on, the hit-the-guy-on-the-scooter contest.
West of Panama City there are very cool places to go. We drove Hwy 98 a few miles out and found Rosemary Beach. If you go there, take your bikes. It’s perfect for riding and spending money buying clothes with “Rosemary Beach” embroidered on them. It was established way back in 1995 by “New Urbanism folks” who survived the dot-com crashes with a few million to spare.
Rosemary Beach is very scenic with an old town centralized for maximum spending. As you drive through Rosemary Beach and exit on the western end of it, look left and you’ll see the weirdest looking house. It’s shaped like a new version of Jules Verne’s submarine, only 10 times bigger. My friend who lives in the area said it’s owned by the Hilton family. Construction has been going on for a couple of years. Unfortunately, you can only view it from afar.
We found no rednecks in Rosemary Beach so I took off my old dirty Lynyrd Skynyrd ball cap and replaced it with my cleaner Lynyrd Skynyrd ball cap and walked into what appeared to be a very nice eating establishment called the Onano Neighborhood Café. I was prepared to refine my appearance, at least as long as it took to eat. I neatly tucked my wife-beater in my Wal-Mart gym shorts and pulled my tube socks up allowing full view of my fairly new Corona flip-flops, and we strolled in.
The matridee approached and asked if we had reservations. I replied “No, we’re fully committed for this lunch” which, I thought was funny as hell but judging from the look I received, our matridee was a bit humor-challenged. Either that, or he noticed that the stripes on my tube socks were of two different colors.
We would not dine in Rosemary Beach that day but we continued riding bikes until we loaded up and headed west towards Sandestin.
As you enter Sandestin, on the right is the Grand Boulevard Mall area. We were on the way to visit our friends and running a bit early so we pulled in. People in Rosemary Beach probably shop at Grand Boulevard because I saw no rednecks. I was forced to go into local Publix, buy a “Destin” hat with an embroidered fish skeleton smoking a cigar, obviously meaning that people here were cool. I took off the wife beater and replaced it with a gray t-shirt with blue and orange designs of an old Woodie car, rigged out with a surf board on top and the words “Surf Destin” on the bottom. For effect, I removed the tube socks and went commando with the flip flops. Refusing to conform completely, I left the shirt tail out. That was the only occasion during the weekend that I dressed up.
It was a good long weekend but now it’s Monday and I’ve got a ton of phone messages. More on that later.
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By Analchord
July 31, 2007 1:57 PM | Link to this
If you went on a beach vacation and didn’t write about wet tube tops, then that’s all anyone needs to know about you, sir.
RU sure you didn’t go to the Rodney King Air Baton convention?
no, wait, this one’s better, RU sure U dint go to the air speed-trap festival where you mime writing speeding tickets?
You’ve heard of the eating contests where they snarf hotdogs, or pie, or whatever down for money?
Well, I’ll bet you won the “how-many-constitutional-rights-of-innocent-taxpaying-bystanders-can-you-violate-during-a-routine-traffic-stop” contest.
By Lex Luthor
July 31, 2007 3:27 PM | Link to this
Intentional socks with sandles!?!
You are in violaton of Man Law.
Go back to the Redneck Riviera and try again.
By Ken
July 31, 2007 3:31 PM | Link to this
Lighten up Francis
By Natalie*
July 31, 2007 3:55 PM | Link to this
Steve, just so you know, I too think that your “reservations” comment was funny as HE double hockey-sticks! You are so “stupid” in the funny out-of- your-a$$ sort of way.
By Tony
July 31, 2007 10:14 PM | Link to this
Hey “anal”, How do police officers “violate someone’s constitutional rights” by stopping them for a traffic violation? I’d like to play the beat your a$$ with the ASP baton contest, then a little capstun in the eyes and end it with a taser for good measure to watch you dance. There’s no such thing as a a “routine traffic stop”. You’re probably one of the many clueless people that I like to refer to as sheep that exist in society.
By Dianna
August 1, 2007 8:50 AM | Link to this
You know, Analchord, Abraham Lincoln said, “It’s better to remain silent and let everyone think you’re a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”
By Dianna
August 1, 2007 8:52 AM | Link to this
You know, Analchord, Abraham Lincoln said, “It’s better to remain silent and let everyone think you’re a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”
By XFire
August 1, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this
Geeeeeee, I thought it was a good column but not realistic. Two cops and no mention of donuts for a whole weekend!
By tman
August 1, 2007 12:38 PM | Link to this
Dianna, that quote “It’s better to remain silent and let everyone think you’re a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” I believe was said by mark Twain.
By russell
August 2, 2007 4:21 AM | Link to this
Anal……If it weren’t for p*ies like you, the cops wouldn’t have to stop you for a minor infraction and with their intelligence, deduce from vocal and physical responses that you’re carrying contraband. Grow up you liberal, wanna be coddled hippie
By Jim
August 2, 2007 9:32 AM | Link to this
So, Steve, when can we get some witty commentary about the Sandy Springs kid who was tossed in the Fulton County lockup because somebody screwed up. It’s hard enough to get kids to do right and believe in law enforcement without nonsense like this happening to them.
Or will the commentary follow the lawsuit that’s probably coming?
By Anonymous
August 2, 2007 12:14 PM | Link to this
Hey Steve! What are y’all spending all that traffic ticket money on if you’re not even manning the po-po station at night?
By All American
August 4, 2007 1:22 PM | Link to this
Hey Steve, I understand that Sandy Springs is going to be renamed after the kid who was falsley arrested and illegally detained, after he wins his civil rights lawsuit against Sandy Springs Police and the City of Sandy Springs.
By Kenn
August 5, 2007 10:14 PM | Link to this
You know that no trip to Panama City would be complete without a trip to Pineapple Willy’s.
By celeb
August 28, 2007 4:32 AM | Link to this
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By celeb
August 28, 2007 4:32 AM | Link to this
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By celeb
August 28, 2007 4:32 AM | Link to this
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