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AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2007 > May > 11
Friday, May 11, 2007
Do whatever it takes on Mother’s Day
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Mother’s Day, a national day of guilt, is upon us.
It is one of the two really important days for children, especially the male species. The other day of guilt of course is Valentine’s Day but the similarities stop there.
Valentine’s Day is like taking a test that you had a lot of time to study for. You know it’s coming every February 14th but yet some still fail the test by way of laziness and selfishly not caring enough to remember. There is no such thing as too busy to remember Valentine’s Day. Those who fail pay the price and soon begin their new life of celibacy. Fortunately for them there are video games.
Mother’s Day is the varsity of all holidays that you need to score well on. Screwing this one up makes the Valentine’s Day screw up seem like only being five minutes late checking into your probation office.
This is your heads-up to enjoy this next year by way of calling, visiting, mailing a card and/or flowers, buying a cruise or a new Harley for your mom.
This isn’t like father’s Day. Father’s Day is easier because father’s look at this day as a freebie day. Father’s Day is as simple as buying a new tool. No flowers and no card. You can get one of course but it’s not necessary. All we need is something cool and we have a long list of cool things that you can get. Go to the hardware store. Go to the golf store. Go to the electronics store. Buy something cool and we’re good.
That doesn’t work with moms. Why? Mom is the one who usually wiped your butt. Dads found ways to avoid it whenever possible. The number of times my kid’s mom wiped their butts was fifty-fold to me. There were times that I was caught off guard and trapped in the house with a child in dirty diapers. Fortunately, we lived near a hospital.
Mother’s Day is your annual chance to pay a very little price for all those times that you don’t remember but she does. She remembers when you got sick in the middle of the night and threw up all over her back while she held you. You don’t remember all of those times but she does. Mothers are organized. They keep a log. I think they have secret meetings where they network. They know everything and some of it you don’t want out on the street.
Do yourself a favor and honor your mom and your kid’s mom. Watch the kids while she goes out or do the dishes or plant a tree for her or buy the overpriced Jimmy Buffett blender or clean the deck or pay for her new tattoo or clean her guns.
Whatever it takes, do it.
Happy Mother’s Day.
