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AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2007 > May > 08
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Ruffles gone wild
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Although I’ve forgotten many things over the years like where all my kids are and how that Miranda thing goes, I can still remember the prom.
The prom was about dressing up, having fun, and trying to convince ourselves that Cold Duck champagne was going to taste good.
The early 70’s were strange times in terms of fashion. My prom attire consisted of a traditional black tux with a purple shirt that was completely saturated with ruffles. These ruffles were not just a fashion note, they were huge purple ruffles.
We left for the prom in my father’s 1969 2-door Ford LTD. That year Ford made the world’s heaviest doors. They were about 8 feet long and weighed about 7 tons. It was spacious inside and fit four comfortably including ruffles.
Our prom was on the top of Stone Mountain. We took the cable car up to the hotel on the top of the mountain. I don’t remember too much about the prom itself other than I realized that some of the girls that I thought were nerdy in class now appeared in a whole new light, a happy light thanks to prom dresses, dancing up and down and cleavage.
My tux became increasingly uncomfortable. The shirt was ruffled down the front and on the sleeves and it seemed the ruffles were getting bigger. Dancing or whatever it was I was doing in the form of it made me perspire and soon the silk shirt with ruffles was drenched. Just about all the guys were in the same boat. It seemed as if the ruffles were reacting to the perspiration and actually growing. By the time we left I couldn’t tell who was who. We all looked like flower arrangements with feet. The perspiration and humidity sent our ruffles into some sort of frenzy. We stumbled around like blind mice looking for the stashed Cold Duck in the bathroom.
The drive home was uncomfortable. I put my tux jacket on to suppress the expanding ruffles which now made the jacket too tight. I looked like Liberace if he worked out. Speaking of working out, nothing did. The Cold Duck was so carbonated all I could do was burp. It was finally left in the bathroom almost full. All of the other plans didn’t materialize either, partially due to the fact that my ruffles had taken over like Kudzu and I looked like something on the Sci-Fi channel. Although I got home in time, I was a half-hour late trying to get out of the car.
Happy Prom Night.
