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AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2006 > December > 27 > Entry
New Year’s advice
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Believe it or not, New Year’s is not the busiest night in the police world. St. Paddy’s day is normally busier. None the less, some good advice:
Have a contingency plan in place. Someone needs to be the Designated Driver. Make this decision before you start drinking. Otherwise it becomes the LDD or Less Drunk Driver.
Arrange alternative transportation. Rent a limo or taxi or converted school bus decked out in the theme of whatever. You’ll enjoy it more if you don’t have to worry about driving. Don’t look for any “Officer-Friendly” stuff on New Year’s. It’s hardball and there are no breaks being given on alcoholic-related traffic incidents. You’ve had a whole year to plan something. Cab drivers will be out in force. Some clubs sponsor rides with cab companies. DUI lawyers will be out in force putting business cards on cars in the club parking lots.
I love the term “Drink Responsibly.” I think this means have only one drink. The more you drink the less responsible it is isn’t it? You know that pretty girl with the cowboy hat and gun belt with the shooter-bottle in it? Just say no.
Sip it-don’t shoot it. Another thing: if you can’t dance sober, you can’t dance drunk. They’re not laughing with you. They’re laughing at you.
You’ve got a better chance of winning the lotto than a stripper falling in love with you at the club.
No matter how bad you are, there is always someone out there that can kick you ass in a heartbeat. Don’t bow up too quick. That’s the liquor talking.
Remember that the more you drink, the more childish you become. We all start out as adults at the beginning of the night. Here is how the scale breaks down:
1-2 drinks: As the night progresses, most people are within the accepted limits of conversation over adult beverages. This is the part where you could actually say they were drinking responsibly. They engage in moderate conversation; mostly true. Stories tend to be about work, family, friends and business goals. It is pleasant—but it’s early. Here is a projection of how the thought process will diminish as the drinks pile on:
3-4 drinks : “I wonder if my wife will mind me discussing my raging libido? I wonder if she knows about it? I think being here with our friends is a good time to discuss our personal differences.”
5-6 drinks: “Let’s do a shooter. We’re going to party all night long because I feel really good. I wonder if my wife would mind me dirty-dancing with our neighbor?”
5-6 drinks and 2 shooters: “I didn’t realize I could dance this good. Why isn’t there anyone else on the dance floor? No harm in doing a couple of more shooters.”
5-6 drinks and 4 shooters: “I have an overwhelming sense that all women are attracted to me and would like me to touch them without their, or their husband’s permission. There has to be another club more exciting than this one and driving there is a great idea.”
7-8 drinks and 5 shooters: “Ah, the cool ceramic edge of the toilet seat feels good on my forehead. I think I pooped in my pants.”
Be careful you knuckleheads, and have a Happy New Year.
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By Missandie
December 28, 2006 9:44 AM | Link to this
Lt. Steve,
A few years ago I was sent an email with several pics of intoxicated persons in a variety of embarassing poses. I have started my own New Year’s tradition by sending this email out to all my friends as a reminder that they too can be imortalized forever. I add a note as well, “This could be you! Fair warning.” Fortunately, I have not added any additional pictures to the original list.
A happy New Years to all but remember, I will have my camera at all events that I attend and will be ready to add you if you make an extraordinary fool of yourself!
By John
December 28, 2006 9:59 AM | Link to this
The bad thing about the “take a taxi” advice is that everyone actually does it…I haven’t found that it is as easy as Steve says to get a cab on New Years eve…
Last year I couldn’t even get through when I called several taxi services to go to a party…so I drove…and I didn’t drink anything but soda…ever been to a party when everyone is smashed but you…it’s interesting.
By gttim
December 28, 2006 10:54 AM | Link to this
Here is a very safe idea: Don’t go out on New Years Eve. It is amateur night, and innocent bystanders can quickly get hurt. I bartended for years, and New Years Eve is the last night of the year you will ever catch me out on the town.
By scubber
December 28, 2006 11:48 AM | Link to this
I would love to see those photos missandie! I also agree with John that it is not easy to get a taxi on NYE, unless you do not mind being stranded for hours waiting for an available taxi.
I have live around the corner from a bar in Decatur and had one across the railroad tracks from my house until it burned in a fire a couple of years ago. You know, some people buy a house based upon proximity to good schools, highway access, etc. I look for shortest walking distance to the highest number of watering holes.
I would recommend picking an area of town that offers alot of action and MARTA access. I like Decatur because I live there and it is has relatively intelligent and sane citizens who know how to live civil lives with each other.
I would not even consider places like Buckhead, midtown or downtown where you find the highest concentration of young, dumb and ugly drunks. If that’s your gig then… ho hum. so be it. Good luck. Try not to get shot by the BMF idiots.
[sigh]
I also recommend getting to know a specific cab driver. I have known one for years after a new year’s eve when he gave me his business card and cell phone number in case I ever need a cab. I have called him whenever I need a cab and get great pickup times because of that inside track to him.
Of course, the best way to beat all of the transportation issues is to throw a party! Sure you’ll drop $700-$1,000 to liquor up all of your friends, but it is a hell of a lot cheaper than a DUI. The best thing about throwing the party is that you get to stay put and concentrate on your own revelry without consideration of how to get to the next spot.
good luck and try not to run over me walking along the curb to my next pub destination.
By Blackberry
December 28, 2006 1:15 PM | Link to this
Ah yes, another example of one of our fine members of the law enforcement community speaking lowly of the general public. After all, civilians are nothing more than a bunch of morons who give those honest cops such a hard time.
And cops have never been known to drink heavily. No. Never. Unless they are all at the bar together and decide they should get free drinks and spend the night intimidating “civilians”.
Amazing.
AJC - Get this guy off your payroll. It is neither a novel nor a good bit.
Snore……
By Dano
December 28, 2006 1:46 PM | Link to this
Sounds like “Blackberry” has spent a little time in handcuffs, and I don’t mean in a Discipline Chamber! LOL
I suspect if I spent a few months as a policeman, I would probably have a low opinion of the general public, too! Police have to deal with the lowest common denominator of the public - not the classy folks - and they don’t want to arrest you any more than YOU want to be arrested.
Funniest comedy routine EVER about excessive drinking is Larry Miller’s “Five Stages of Drinking.” You can Google it and laugh a LOT!
Keep up the GREAT work, Det. Rose, and we’ll keep reading! Happy Safe New Year!
By Kat
December 28, 2006 2:21 PM | Link to this
Once we went camping with a group of friends on New Year’s Eve. Yep, it was cold, but at the end of the evening no one had to drive anywhere, and no one was exposed to the drunk drivers on the road. Also, no one in our circle of friends had to clean up their homes before OR after a party. If you’re into camping at all, I highly recommend it as a New’Year’s eve strategy.
By Capt
December 28, 2006 4:08 PM | Link to this
Hey Blackberry…you read it and I read it often.Just how many times have you been cuffed? I work public safety and you are correct…after a lot of drinks the general public acts like a moron. The normally “good citizens” become combative in some situations and just plain unruly in others. The point here is…don’t drink and drive, however in your case please do. Drink all you can…drink a lot…drink until you fall down and can’t crawl to the car. But let it be known…..if you are caught driving under the influence you will be arrested and you will go to jail without passing go. I have made one too many trips the the front door of our “good citizens” to notify the wife, girlfriend, daughter, son, father, mother…you pick it…that their loved one is either critical in the hospital or dead on the morgue slab. So….go ahead and degrate the very people that try to keep you and yours safe… it really makes you a big man.
By Political Foreskin
December 29, 2006 7:33 AM | Link to this
I’m no cop, but I made a citizen’s arrest once when my girlfriend asked me to pay for her dinner if I wanted sex later. That’s solicitation. She got probation. Funny thing is, I haven’t been laid since. What did I do wrong? I’m a law abiding citizen who can dance. It’s not fair.
By ron
December 29, 2006 9:49 AM | Link to this
On New Years Eve I stay sober,I stay home,I go to bed early.I've never seen a policeman on New Years Eve and I don't intend to.My advice is for everyone to do the same.Don't give the police any reason to be near you and you'll live a lot happier.By Border Bandit
December 29, 2006 10:30 AM | Link to this
Steve,
Another funny article.
To Blackberry,
I am a member of the law enforcement community in southern Arizona. I have lost count on the number of times I’ve had to clean up the mess after somebody thought they could drive after having “just a few”. I have also been the victim in 2 cases where I was involved in motor vehicle accidents with persons who were under the influence of narcotics and alcohol. I spent a total of five weeks on light duty recovering from back injuries in these cases (Its not fun being in so much pain).
The point Lt. Rose is trying to make, is to be a responsible adult. Make plans before the night starts, or be prepared to face the consequences when you get caught.
By Dave Armstrong
December 30, 2006 4:10 PM | Link to this
I have been celebrating New Years Eve in the same way for decades. I stay home, cook a great dinner, watch a movie, record the New Years Eve countdown, and go to bed by 9:30. My wife loves it and I wake up the next day revved for football and brunch. Oh, and don’t forget the Mimosas at the brunch …
By Swangirl
December 30, 2006 8:59 PM | Link to this
*After all, civilians are nothing more than a bunch of morons…)
I’d have to agree with that one, much of the time. And Blackberry proves it.
I agree with Gttim. New Year’s Eve is amateur night and a lot of those morons mentioned earlier think they are invincible. Better to stay home than be out among the nutjobs.
By Mike
December 31, 2006 12:49 AM | Link to this
Here’s more great advice: No matter how pretty she is, someone, somewhere, is sick of her crap!
By Pablo
December 31, 2006 11:41 AM | Link to this
Thats Hilarious!!!
By @@
December 31, 2006 6:07 PM | Link to this
Entertaining read ;P
By MsRottie
January 1, 2007 2:09 AM | Link to this
Steve, keep up the good work in print and on the job. You lay it on the line and tell it like it is.
Sad that people like Blackberry are clueless as to what goes on in the real world…but that’s just the way it is. At least people like him/her allow cops solid job security.
Happy New Year!!
By Patriotic Foreskin
January 2, 2007 8:42 PM | Link to this
substance abuse is no joking matter.
Driving drunk is the unfunniest thing of all.
But it forces me to relate a true story about the justice system in Gwinnett county in 1981.
My judge in a dui trial also handled my lawsuit with a gwinnett county school bus who crashed into me, giving me a whiplash injury that bothers me to this day.
That judge was an employee of Gwinnett County and should have disqualified himself from representing me against the Gwinnett County’s Insurance company that he got a settlement from for my injury. It was minimal and a clear ethical violation is obvious.
I was young and stupid as we all are in legal matters. But that judge is corrupt and he seemed like such a nice guy.
And I think its a damn shame that my fellow man, no matter how greatly he’s blessed, is a jackal at heart.