View from the cop: Crime & punishment
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AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2006 > August > 14 > Entry
Handymen: These guys can fix all my problems!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I won the Spanish Lotto for the third time.
What am I still doing here at work? I should be home returning that winning e-mail. All I have to do is send my account number to the official lottery guy (I know he’s official because he had a long title and some sort of letters after his name) and within two weeks, I’m $134 million richer. I asked about the two previous winnings. Apparently, they had my old address.
This really puts a crimp on my daily schedule. I was going to send my bank account number to that lawyer in Manboosa so he could transfer $33 million to my account. Seems his client was the only honest guy in Manboosa and the bad guys, the government bad guys, are trying to steal his money. I get 25 percent! I already quit my extra job and I’m not so sure I’m coming to work tomorrow. I’ll probably help him out anyway.
This money will come in quite handy. Just yesterday a couple of guys told me they were riding down the street and noticed my roof was damaged. I couldn’t see a thing but they saw it because they’re trained with a keen eyes, being experts and all.
They had business cards that said, “roof experts.” They took the time to walk with me and point to things on the roof! The $5,000 that I spend now will save me $20,000 next spring. That was a stroke of luck because while we were walking, the other guy found a chip in my driveway. Did you know that one small cement chip could spread, like a crack in the windshield, so fast that in a week’s time it could turn into a sinkhole and affect ozone?
These two guys can actually fix that when they’re not fixing roofs because they’re trained in driveway problems, too.
It was a hot day, so I invited them in for some cold refreshments. One of the guys, I don’t remember if it was Mr. Jones or Smith, said that my water tasted funny. Thankfully, I was able to buy a water filter from one of them whose uncle was in the business. What in the heck is going on here? I had no idea my house was so messed up.
Well, we were standing outside talking about all the new door-dings Mr. Smith found in my car door when my neighbor came home riding on the back of a turnip truck. I guess the truck hit a bump because my neighbor fell right off. Those two guys thanked me for the bad-tasting water, gave me a card so I could call them about the new multi-level marketing idea they wanted to bring me in on, and walked over to see if my neighbor was OK.
They began to look at his roof. He must look like a suave business guy to them. I went back in the house to check my e-mail only to find that my bank account number was messed up. Fortunately, the bank was thoughtful enough to send me a notice that I needed to send my bank account number over the Internet so they could fix it.
Good timing. I don’t want my account all messed up when I get all that money from Manboosa and Spain.
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By Jennifer
August 14, 2006 5:21 PM | Link to this
I absolutely love reading your articles. Thank you for always providing a good laugh.
By Ron
August 14, 2006 5:43 PM | Link to this
If those guys cannot help you please put your phone # in an article so I can get in touch with you re:roof and driveway. I can do it for 1/2 what they are asking.
By KJill
August 14, 2006 5:48 PM | Link to this
I’ll bet even your friend Skeet - the one who needs prayer - would find it difficult to fall for these schemes (might fall off the turnip truck though)… why do we do it Officer Steve?
By A cheat
August 14, 2006 7:23 PM | Link to this
Those guys don’t worry me. What worry me is that either my wife or kids may forget all that I’ve told them and give my good jewerly to someone to hold while they go get the cash they cannot deposit into their account because they’re illegals for one of mine to deposit into our account and take a big cut for doing them a favor. Can you say Gullible?
By Whitey Nichols
August 14, 2006 9:57 PM | Link to this
Steve: Some of your mail was sent to me by mistake. Send me your VISA card number so I can make sure it is yours. Thanks, Whitey
By steve
August 14, 2006 10:17 PM | Link to this
Oh ye of little faith..I was also lucky enough to win a lottery I did not enter, however, these people used my email address to determine their winning numbers and I won $67M from a lottery in a country I could not pronounce, but what the heck I can use the money.Since I am already filthy rich I will be happy to let someone accept my good fortune if they will simply send me $49.95(shipping/handling). I’ll let you know when I win another lottery (sometime this week) and then someone else can be as rich as I am, provided they also send me $49.95 (cash only).
By Second Story Man
August 14, 2006 10:17 PM | Link to this
Funny stuff!!
By RWB
August 14, 2006 10:21 PM | Link to this
I think you have been visited by the Irish Travelers from South Carolina.
By steve
August 14, 2006 10:46 PM | Link to this
Oh ye of little faith..I was also lucky enough to win a lottery I did not enter, however, these people used my email address to determine their winning numbers and I won $67M from a lottery in a country I could not pronounce, but what the heck I can use the money.Since I am already filthy rich I will be happy to let someone accept my good fortune if they will simply send me $49.95(shipping/handling). I’ll let you know when I win another lottery (sometime this week) and then someone else can be as rich as I am, provided they also send me $49.95 (cash only).
By Aquarius
August 15, 2006 7:56 AM | Link to this
A good laugh was just what I needed this morning and your article was too funny! Thanks for giving me a great jump start to the day.
By Ray
August 15, 2006 8:11 AM | Link to this
That’s really funny, sad but true. I had two guys come by my house in loganville with the same pitch. They pointed out flaws in my roof (which I couldn’t see)and proceeded to explained to me how it needed to be fixed right away or it would cost me a fortune in the next couple of years. They also said that it wouldn’t cost me a dime bc they would bill the insurance company directly. I told them I just moved in and the house was inspected the week before (which is true)and they quickly went next door. Unfortunately I saw a very elderly gentlemen’s roof being fixed the next week and low and behold a sign advertising the two scam artist’s company was in his yard.
By Jezebelle
August 15, 2006 8:53 AM | Link to this
As always, your articles ALWAYS make me laugh to the point where I discover I do have more than three ribs coz they hurt so much from laughing….and a smile in my face all day !!!
Keep up !
By Brett
August 15, 2006 9:46 AM | Link to this
I get those e-mails from Momalukabubu in Zaire all the time! Apparently I am the only next of kin to his wealthy lawyer/philanthropist client with no name! Wow! How do I tell my parents that one? Mom, Dad…I am somehow related to someone of an entirely different race from a country that no one in my family, or entire ancestry, has ever visited! How did you two manage to pull that one off!?!
What really irks me is that if I am the only next of kin, why am I not entitled to the entire inheritance? Why do I only get 25%? Give me all or nothing!
By SexyLeggs
August 15, 2006 9:47 AM | Link to this
As I have already told you, your style of writing is funny and so soothing. Keep it up….when you write a book I’ll send you my visa account number and you can ship me a copy (yeah right).
By Nicole
August 15, 2006 10:16 AM | Link to this
Hey I get these things all the time, must be something about titling my email address under the name GRANNY! I guess it makes them think I am some old person sitting at home waiting to hit the lottery or invest in a logging company that my family in another country owns! Either way, I enjoyed your article!
By Reg
August 15, 2006 11:08 AM | Link to this
I hope that 134 million isn’t in Manboosa currency. That amounts to about $2.34 US
By Fuzzy
August 15, 2006 2:49 PM | Link to this
I also received an email from Nigeria offering me $17 million for helping to transfer some cash out of the country. I wrote back and called him a scamster and a fraud. He ACTUALLY replied that he was greatly offended and insulted..but he would still go ahead with the offer as he wanted to clear his good name and prove me wrong! Talk about some big KAHONIES!!!!!
By Sara
August 15, 2006 7:01 PM | Link to this
:sigh: This is my favourite blog. For the longest time, it was the only one in my bookmarks.
Whenever I see a Sandy Springs squad car, I try to slow down and see if it’s Officer Steve…or at least I manage the ‘slow down’ part.
I don’t care what anyone says, Officer Steve is Teh Man, yo. And not the one that keeps us down, at least not during weekdays from 9-6. Besides, he gives awesomely tongue-in-cheek entries to help us avoid needless ‘standin’ there lookin’ real stupid’ moments. Kinda like a parent, but with an actual sense of innate coolness.
Rock on, Lieutenant Master Steve. You were born on a day, but it warn’t yesterday, yo.
By Chris
August 15, 2006 9:26 PM | Link to this
When they ask me for my contact information I always give them the number for the FBI headquarters.
By Carl G
August 16, 2006 2:46 AM | Link to this
I live in London most of the time, which is a haven for Nigerian scammers. When I was offered a deal, I proposed that they send a representative to the UK to be held as security. I never heard from them again.
By Nana
August 16, 2006 9:39 AM | Link to this
I love your column. Don’t ever stop. When you write that book I will the first to buy it.
By Sara
August 16, 2006 9:50 AM | Link to this
Chris, I’m lovin’ the idea to use the FBI digits to give the scammers the slip. A step better than the number to the city police, even. :thumbs up:
By Lt. Steve
August 16, 2006 2:50 PM | Link to this
Why do we fall for this Kjill? Dunno….I think the power of the mind is too much sometimes. You want to be rich so bad that you convince yourself it is legit?? I worked several Pigeon-Drops and the victim’s had put up money, up to over fifty-thousand, to someone they didn’t know becuase they thought they were going to split three million later. The scam wasn’t even that smooth. I think everyone is gullable to some degree.
By Officer Mancuso
August 17, 2006 6:21 PM | Link to this
Dang Steve. I wish you had flashed your badge to those ripoff artists just to see them soil their bloomers. By the way, Officer Mancuso is a character in “A Confederacy of Dunces,” so I’m not really impersonating an officer.