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AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2006 > July > 18
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Theater of absurd
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Hold the presses! Armageddon is close at hand. The president said sh—!
Is that true?
How do we adjust?
Do we panic?
I say no!
Let’s look at the facts. I think the president said sh—! on Monday. The Dow is up 8.01 post sh—! The Nasdaq is up slightly but the S&P is down 1.71. Two out of three ain’t bad.
The post-sh—! Braves are out of control! 15-3 over the Cardinals?
Holy…uh…Cow!
Quite likely, the president probably drops the sh—! more than we think. I can’t even get through a weekend home project without a whole bunch of sh—!
Honestly, if you can’t sustain a certain level of curse words under stressful situations, I think your body is required to explode. Like the president or not, I don’t think any of us want him to explode. How do we explain that? All of the conspiracy theorist would have a field day. The guys I’d feel sorry for would be the Secret Service detail.
Your career is over when you allow the president to explode. Let’s just move on with it. It’s not that big of news.
Today is Election Day. Thank you, Lord! Please let the TV ads go away now. They have been playing the TV ads now for a while and I still don’t know what the politicians are actually going to do if they get elected.
I do know that, according to the ads, they are all evil. We’re left with varying degrees of evil to choose from. They all lie about the others, according to the ads.
Politicians lie? NO!
I’m so glad that it all ends today. There’s not much else to slander the other person with at this point. If this election was still two weeks away, you’d hear ads like this:
“Hi, I’m Cathy Cox. Mark Taylor fries small baby ants with a large magnifying glass!”
Back-to-back ads.
“Hi, I’m Mark Taylor. Cathy Cox has been seen tearing mattress tags from mattresses.”
More back-to-back ads.
“Hi, I’m Ralph Reed, my opponent Casey Cagle, hasn’t replaced his old toilet that flushes 5 gallons of water, with the new toilet that flushes only 1.5 gallons!
And finally,
“Hi. I’m Casey Cagle. Ralph Reed once recorded a Major League Baseball game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.”
Can the negative ads. I have no idea what any of these folks are going to do once elected. I want to know the facts. It’s so easy to spend the money on 30 seconds of tabloid mentality. Let me suggest that we adopt a political standard requiring the candidates to use the money and time on 30 seconds of interpretive dance together, describing what he or she will do for us in the next four years.
Sounds absurd? Look at the candidate ads now. How could it get worse?
You may not learn anything more but we would at least return the entertainment value back to politics where it belongs.
