View from the cop: Crime & punishment
View from the Cop is moving to a new site on Wordpress. Blogger Steve Rose of the Sandy Springs Police Department gives his take on crime, offers safety tips and give his weekly picks from the police blotter. Follow Steve Rose to the new blog site.
AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2006 > June > 11 > Entry
Statistics don’t lie, but they can punish you
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I’ve been in training in lovely Forsyth, Ga, at the Georgia Public Safety Training Center. Next week we’re down to the two-week countdown to opening day of the Sandy Springs Police Department on July 1. I’ll be filling you in on the stuff. For now, I’ll write about my serious training week.
Day One
I’m sitting in a hotel near downtown metropolitan Forsyth I drove down this morning to begin a week’s worth of training in crime analysis. Sandy Springs will be using analysis as part of our crime-control model to target trends and patterns we hope will lead us to some productive results. This isn’t one of those “gimme” weeks of blah, blah, blah, and no test. I’m in serious trouble here. This class requires a lot of math. The “M” word.
I was intimidated when I thought about the class and the fact that each student gets a Texas Instruments calculator just scares me. This is no ordinary calculator. Texas Instruments has model numbers assigned to each model; for instance, a common TI calculator is the TI-26X. This class is so hard the calculator assigned to it is the TI-Two-Million. The package says it’s ideal for: algebra I and II, geometry, calculus, physics and secret formulas for world domination. It’s powered by a car battery.
This thing has symbols I don’t understand, to calculate things like Boolean Logic Operations. What the (%$^) is a Boolean? I thought it was a country where the Booleanians enjoyed a simple life of fishing and doing hexadecimal conversions.
The intimidation of this course leads me to arrive early searching for “brain food.”
I heard that some foods are good for the brain and actually stimulate it. It was the perfect boost that I sorely needed. The problem was that I had no idea what kind of food stimulated the brain. I gave it a lot of thought but couldn’t think of a thing so I did what I thought might help and stopped off at the Waffle House for some scrambled eggs and cheese, hash browns smothered, covered, homogenized — whatever, with some orange juice and a cup of coffee. I waited for my brain to become mathematically enhanced, but apparently Waffle House doesn’t help with one’s math. I did notice, however, that I was somehow able to recall all the lyrics on the first George Strait’s Greatest Hits album.
Oh well, we’ll see.
Day Two
I survived a day’s lecture and although I have no idea what he said, I took good notes. I noted a lot of impressive words like collation. I had no idea it actually had nothing to do with the colon. I was relieved.
Day Three
More excitement. Calculating mean averages and then modes, medians, that sort of thing. I’ve noticed the others in the training center have noticed our calculators. You can’t help but notice. I have to carry it like luggage.
I found that there is nothing to do at night. If you’re in law enforcement and you come down to spend a week at the training facility in Forsyth, bring a bike. I spend the evenings riding for a couple of hours. While riding, I practice my Fahrenheit to centigrade conversions, pounds to kilograms, inches to centimeters and of course, gallons to liters. Then I start thinking that I need to get a life.
Day Four
I’m starting to fade. Fortunately for you in Sandy Springs, I’m not the crime analyst. We stole a smart guy we stole from Kennesaw Police who will fill that role just fine.
Today, we got into formulas. Some serious formulas.
I could feel myself falling. I had them fooled for three days but now my math-challenged mind was giving out. We got into predictions and after some chalkboard stuff I didn’t understand, we got into writing the formulas for trying to figure out when the bad guys would strike again.
I should say at this point that the instructor is a gentleman named Steven Gottlieb from California. Steven is a former police officer with the LA County Sheriff’s and the Chino Police Department. He is an excellent instructor and a very funny guy. He literally travels the planet teaching this to police departments. His methods have had much success. Our analyst will be using this method. The only thing I don’t like about him is that he’s smart. He’s teaching from the book that he wrote, so he knows it front to back. No fair.
Remember when you were in school and you were in a class and you were so totally clueless as to what the (%#^#^&) the teacher was saying and all you could think of was “Please God! I will most definitely go to church for the rest of my natural life if you will please, please not let her pick me.”
That thought of course is interrupted by the teacher saying, “Steve, would you come to the blackboard and do the next problem?”
Well, fortunately for me, Steven told us he wouldn’t do that. I was spared but I think he knows, based on my answers.
Instructor: “Class, let’s review. Based on the formula I gave you; give me answers to the following questions:
Bob, what is the sum of “Y?”
Bob: “274,458.”
Instructor: “Melissa, what is the sum of “XY?”
Melissa: “872567.”
Instructor: “Very good, Steve, what is the sum of Y squared?”
Me: “Brown.”
Oh, well.
We took some tests and then I was back to Ball Ground for the weekend.
The “Who Cares II” made its annual maiden voyage on Lake Lanier last weekend. We’ll be out again today (the 11th).
Stop by and we’ll shoot the bull about Trend-Line analysis and Standard Deviations.
Be safe, folks.
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By Dano
June 11, 2006 1:01 PM | Link to this
Steve, Reading your column is always the highlight of my week - especially when you’ve written a column after being locked in little rooms too long! “Brown” is my new favorite answer to EVERY incomprehensible question, including how to spell “incomprehensible.” Keep up the good work, and we’ll keep reading!
By John
June 11, 2006 1:41 PM | Link to this
Whatever happened to “Freeze, dirtbag?”
By Amy
June 11, 2006 7:19 PM | Link to this
I have a handy-dandy math tip for you: pi=3.14-ish…hope that helps! Also try Excedrin, if the math gets really hairy.. :)
By bill
June 11, 2006 8:30 PM | Link to this
Steve, Here is a simple formula to help you remember all the other formulas: E=MC Tripled plus the division of the Hampster plus the square root of your foot size quadrupled and added to the tenth degree of the relative degree of celcius when your Mother-in Law disagrees with you times how many times you want to bash some egg-head with a sock full of Zuccini. Rotten zuccini at that. Ha!!!!!!!!!!1
By irene
June 11, 2006 9:05 PM | Link to this
Did you have a brother named Lewis that went to the University of Georgia?
By JJMB
June 11, 2006 11:13 PM | Link to this
When is the last time you personally arrested a felon?
By Bill Hester
June 12, 2006 4:44 AM | Link to this
Steve, Any adult that voluntarily allows themselves to be taught and tested on statistics deserves a medal for bravery.
By ROD BRIM
June 12, 2006 6:40 AM | Link to this
Just wondering if Steve’s email address is still correct. It appears to be a Fulton County email but he now works for Sandy Springs?
By OhGodNotMath
June 12, 2006 7:57 AM | Link to this
Hmmm. And I thought being a cop was easy. Riding around in an air-conditioned car, filling my face with jelly doughnuts, talking to my girlfriends on a city cell phone, and shooting hip hop punks to death all day long. That sounds pretty easy.
Now that they’ve introduced statistics and math to police work, I’ll give up on law enforcement as a potential career. I can cope with calculating that a driver going 70 in a 55 MPH zone is going 11 miles over the speed limit, but don’t ask me to compute trends. That’s what my Ouija Board is for.
You have my sympathy, Mr. Math Whiz. I hate math with a passion. Bet most police PC software includes built-in statistics support which computes stats and trends from the database data you guys have entered.
By Natalie
June 12, 2006 8:53 AM | Link to this
Steve Rose, you are so damn funny! Here it is, a Monday morning,(blah) following a boring weekend,(blah) and I am busting my gut over your latest column! Thanks for the pick-me-up and keep ‘em coming!
By Luke
June 12, 2006 9:25 AM | Link to this
I wonder how much more successful we’d be as a nation if being good at science and math was “cool” instead of being the subject of ridicule?
By CoachRick
June 12, 2006 12:09 PM | Link to this
Just remember what Pythagoras, the famous Indian witch doctor told us about triangles: “The sons of the squaw on the hippopotamus are equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.”. And I don’t remember if it was Mark Twain or Mark Trail who told us: “There are lies, damned lies, and there are statistics!”.
By dawg
June 12, 2006 3:53 PM | Link to this
Liars figure and figures lie.
By Bruce Van Camp
June 12, 2006 10:37 PM | Link to this
Steve,
It was great reading your column .Very Funny ! A Booleian is a neighbor who “stumbles” home after a night of partying in Willow Creek ! Sharon,Jaclyn and Christian say hello !
Bookem’ Dano !
Bruce V.C.
By witchywoman176
June 13, 2006 9:09 AM | Link to this
I took the same class about 2 months ago. The best part was definatley the instructors antics…I’ve never known an instructor to do magic tricks!!! The class is very helpful!! I am a Crime Analyst for Gwinnett PD and that class was the meat and potatoes of what I do! Thanks for sharing your experience.
By Foots
June 13, 2006 4:34 PM | Link to this
RE: OhGodNotMath’s comment “Riding around in an air-conditioned car, filling my face with jelly doughnuts, talking to my girlfriends on a city cell phone, and shooting hip hop punks to death all day long. That sounds pretty easy”? Wow! Sounds kind of hateful as a response to your funny column, Steve…
By Andy
June 13, 2006 11:49 PM | Link to this
Steve, I am a Sgt. in Alabama. I used to work with David Bert Bertrand in DeKalb and also Chief Wilson…..Give Bert my e mail address….I understand he will be working with Sandy Springs.
By Why Lie?
June 18, 2006 6:58 AM | Link to this
why does sandy springs keep saying that they are going to double their police force and make sure there is less crime in the middle of the night……..here is the truth…..on the overnight watches……fulton county would have 8-9 cars out at night….definitly undersized for a huge area such as sandy springs is…….well after 2 am…..when the evening watch is done…..the overnight watch will only have a total of 6 cars out on the roads, till the next days shift starts……this makes no sense, as far as safety……you have incorporated the 7th biggest city in georgia and only having 6 cars in the field between 2-7 or 8 am……how does that make anything safer then what fulton county had on the roads already???? the more this city council lies and bends things to their will the more i question what we have done to put them in power…….they have no idea how to even conduct a council meeting and have no clue as to parliamentary procedure, in even its most basic form….i feel badly right now for the police chief and the city attorney who serve at the councils request, and will have to bend to their “we know whats best for all of you” wills…….they are going to have the most thankless jobs on the planet, not being able to make rational and honest decisions for themselves for fear of losing their jobs