View from the cop: Crime & punishment
View from the Cop is moving to a new site on Wordpress. Blogger Steve Rose of the Sandy Springs Police Department gives his take on crime, offers safety tips and give his weekly picks from the police blotter. Follow Steve Rose to the new blog site.
AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2006 > February > 10
Friday, February 10, 2006
Neck braces, Bibles and long-lost pals
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
As an officer of the law, one who crushes crime, one who walks the asphalt jungle — not me but others who I know — one of the things that I truly dislike and yet am constantly amused by is the inevitable phone call from the long-lost friend who, up to now, hasn’t given me the time of day in many moons.
“Hi, Steve. Hey, it’s Bob. I know it’s been a long time, whew … let’s see, uh, about 25 years? Wow. Anyway, I was just thinking about all the good times we had in school and wanted to give you a call and catch up. Uh, how’z it going?
“Bob?”
“Yeah, don’t play like you don’t know who is it, you crazy nut! Remember that time we skipped school and, you know, did all that crazy ‘skipping school’ stuff? Wow, those were good times huh?”
“Bob who?”
“How’s your mom and dad? Uh, hey listen man. I’m in jail for murder. Think you could talk to the judge for me?”
Police officers always connect with long-lost friends because long-lost friends keep connecting with them because they keep connecting with trouble. They call looking for the magic wand that makes the bad stuff go away. Some of the calls I received over the years were made from people whom I know, knew, knew of, friends of people I knew of, and just plain strangers.
They call for problems with:
— Parking tickets
— Handicapped parking tickets
— Impounded car that was parked under the big “No Parking-Tow Away Zone” sign.
Non-moving violations that include:
— No tag
— No insurance
— No license
— Having someone else’s license / fake license
— Suspended license
— License under revocation. (It’s like a suspended license on steroids.)
Moving violations including:
— Not stopping for: Red lights, stop signs, officers directing traffic, people.
Driving under the influence of:
— Drugs
— Alcohol
— Household cleaning products
— Airplane glue
They call after they get into trouble for little acts of irresponsibility such as shoplifting, running out on a bar tab and not paying the drug dealer or massage girl tab.
One guy called, asking if I still had any buddies with the DEA. Seems he got into trouble when the cops found a few kilos of cocaine in his trunk. He thought maybe I could put in the good word. (see Bible mention below)
There are two things that officers see more in court than anything else:
— Neck braces
— Bibles
The neck brace, of course, is the traditional visual support of one’s pain and suffering in traffic court. In most cases it’s legit — but in some, well … let’s say if I could get a permit to sell them outside the courtroom, I’d make a million bucks. The neck-brace ratio, however, has to be within range of the reason the “wear-ee” is in the courtroom in the first place.
The Bible is a non-verbal signal in the courtroom that the defendant is totally beyond any other kind of defense that anyone would believe. Lawyers representing them, at this point, try to have most of the fee in hand.
Judge: “Mr. Wilson, you’ve heard the testimony by the two-dozen witnesses who saw you with the gun, the smoking gun, which you had in your hand at the time you robbed the bank of the money they were keeping for the orphanage, run by the nuns who, without the money, would not be able to pay the rent and therefore, face certain eviction during the inevitable oncoming snowstorm. How do you plead?”
Wilson: “I’d rather not say, but I do have a Bible.”
As a rule, I am quick to tell those who ask for me to help out with their ticket that I can’t help them.
Why? Simple. I have kids who drive.
I save any favors or pleadings or begging for my kids. I have two older kids, both who drive, and both who, well, have driven badly at times. Badly enough to have been noticed and cited.
Beware of your children who call for no reason.
Daughter: “Dad? Hi. I just wanted to call to say hello.”
Dad: “Are you pregnant?”
Daughter: “No …”
Dad: ” Are you in a gang?”
Daughter: “No, I just called to see how you are.”
Dad: “Are you on drugs, a cult?
Daughter: “No.”
Dad: “Did you join Amway?
Daughter: “No, really, I’m fine.. I did get a ticket for speeding. The cop was reallymean. He told me that I was driving in a dangerous manner, or something like that. I couldn’t hear him too well with my I-Pod on and everything.”
Dad: “How many times have you gotten a speeding ticket?
Daughter: “Well, three if you count that one where I was driving my friend’s car. It shouldn’t count if you’re not driving your own car. That’s so unfair.”
Dad: “How many times did I go to court with you?
Daughter: “All of them if you count that time you fell to the floor in front of the judge and cried for him to strike you down now before your insurance rates went up again. That was really embarrassing. He did let me go to driving school, although it was really boring. I just need some help with the fine. Can you mail me something?”
Dad: “OK, I’ll send it tomorrow.”
Two days later:
Daughter: “Dad, I got the package but I don’t understand it.”
Dad: “What do you mean?”
Daughter: “I was hoping you’d send me some money to pay the fine.”
Dad: “Oh…”
Daughter: “What’s the deal with the neck brace and the Bible?”
With Sandy Springs PD starting today
This is the last installment of the weekly report until I get the new one set up. I’ll add all of the same contacts from the e-mail list.
The reports will cover the Sandy Springs area. It will take a little bit of time to get it going but I will continue the column and other bits of crime info as well as the normal amount of mindless entertainment.
Thanks for making this Fulton County project so productive and so much fun. Don’t forget that you can reach me through steverose14@yahoo.com and through this blog.
Stay in touch!
