View from the cop: Crime & punishment
View from the Cop is moving to a new site on Wordpress. Blogger Steve Rose of the Sandy Springs Police Department gives his take on crime, offers safety tips and give his weekly picks from the police blotter. Follow Steve Rose to the new blog site.
AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2005 > November > 07 > Entry
Cerebral, yet muy macho
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I have come to the realization that I am what I am.
That may not seem all that earth-shattering, but it really is an important and defining moment in your life.
You’ll rarely live up to all the expectations given to you as a child. Very few do and the more you try the worse it gets. Of course, if your expectation as a child was to be a psychologist analyzing people who have issues about not reaching those expectations, then you’re doing quite well right now.
Admittedly, I’m not typical. Take a stereotypical image of a police officer and then look at me. It doesn’t match up. I don’t watch “COPS” and I don’t particularly have a gun interest, although I can still shoot probably in the “upper-average” percentile of my peers.
At 53 and a bit on the far-sided scale, my problem is not seeing the target but seeing the end of the barrel. This means that you have 2.5 seconds to either shoot me or get the hell out of my way because that’s how long it takes to get my reading glasses on.
I have speed-loaders for my glasses.
I’ve enjoyed most of my career but I know that I won”t go down in the Police Hall of Fame for anything I did as a street officer or detective. I’m like the Mario Mendoza of police officers. I’m the keeper of the gate to mediocrity.
I tried for several years to reach that level of superiority of my mentors and heroes, T.J. Hooker and the “Adam-12” guys.
Then I realized that police shows on TV were not real.
I have been in foot chases and car chases but never have I been on the hood of a criminal’s car driving at breakneck speed through a narrow alley filled with cardboard boxes that present a soft landing when you’re thrown off.
I’m still looking for guys from 1983 lookouts. It’s hopeless. They probably don’t even look the same.
Not once did I go into the captain’s office and slam my badge and gun on the desk and quit because the “system’s bureaucracy” prevented me from doing my job on a homicide investigation. Want to know why? Because they would have kept it, laughed and escorted me out of the building.
I never jumped the rooftops, from building to building, chasing a deranged druggie homicide suspect who then turned and tried to shoot me only to find that I was quick and accurate.
I never did that because: Criminals tend to run on the ground in order to have a better selection of places to get away to and I can’t jump. (I couldn’t even play hopscotch without pulling a hamstring.)
I never had a cool bayfront police office to work in or a cool looking hot muscle car to engage in my wild police chases.
I never had a Sgt. Friday moment when, after apprehending the bad guy, I was able to put all the words together for a 30-second dissertation on the subject of “You’re scum and I’m not.” (I did learn, however, that there are a number of Dragnet nerds who take the time between games of Dungeons and Dragons to send me ridiculous e-mails condemning my inaccurate paraphrasing of the words to whatever Sgt. Friday post-arrest speech was in that episode.)
I’ve never been to a “police bar.” Although we commandeered a few in years past. … There were a number of things we commandeered off-duty in those days, including heavy construction equipment, the 40 Watt Club in Athens, and the state of Idaho.
I never jumped in a car, flashed the badge and commandeered the car for police reasons. It works on TV, but in real life the driver panics and runs over both your feet.
Now as I head full speed into half speed and soon retirement, I am quite happy with the fact that I have gone down my own road with a very different drummer. In fact, I like NOT being everything what folks assume a police officer is. I do have problems in police-only environments and meetings with conversation.
I don’t know how many grains my bullets have. I know that if I shoot you, you’ll stop doing whatever it was I shot you for — which was probably trying to shoot me in the first place. I don’t have a subscription to “Guns and Ammo” but I do have one to Rolling Stone and AARP .
I don’t “roll out” without first stretching and I don’t say things like “Let’s take ‘em down” because, for some reason, I think I look silly trying to say something like that.
Every time I read someone their Miranda warning, which is rare, I have to refrain from that line in “Police Academy” where the officer tells the suspect, “You have a right to an attorney and you have the right to cable TV.”
I don’t hate lawyers. In fact, I have several who are good friends. (I still won’t take them home to meet my parents.)
At some point, you need to find your happy place, whether it’s on the beach or inside your fort you made with the sofa cushions. You don’t have to fit the mold as long as you do what you do. It’s never too late to change it around, either. It makes things very interesting.
I am told that girls like men who are cerebral. When I’m asked what I do, I say I’m a police detective and writer. Sort of a Joseph Wambaugh thing.
Very cerebral, yet mucho machismo in a sort of AARP way.
Very tweed.
I like to quote an ancient mariner who roamed the oceans for many years and as a result, he developed the perfect personal philosophy:
“I yam what I yam.”
Very aquatic, yet very tweed.
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By Ken
November 7, 2005 8:03 AM | Link to this
Hi Steve, it’s been a long time since I touched base (pre-blog, I think), but I had to write today. I think we must be on the same wavelength, the first thing I thought about after reading your opening was the line you used to close. Stay real, and I yam what I yam, too, only I’m making cars (vans) not shooting bad guys.
By Significant Other
November 7, 2005 8:34 AM | Link to this
My significant other is a retired PO and refuses to read your column. But I find it interesting that probably 90% of what you write are things that she has expressed to me many times. I must say though that your spin on them is definitely more humorous then hers. Of course, I can only say that due to the fact that this is anonymous—after all she is a much better shot that I am. Hah!
By BA
November 7, 2005 2:32 PM | Link to this
$20 says you get asked 20 times about who Mendoza is.
By Cody
November 8, 2005 6:37 AM | Link to this
You with the google toolbar, this is for you:
The Mendoza Line is a baseball term for a .200 average.
Nice column!
By Laura
November 8, 2005 1:17 PM | Link to this
Detective Rose, Hasn’t anyone told you that the 50’s are the new 30’s?! When you get your memoirs written, I get dibs on the first one hot off the presses!! I love your column, but I just have one question…..why would you want to commandeer the state of Idaho?????
By Dave
November 8, 2005 1:32 PM | Link to this
Maybe so Steve, but thanks so much for the years of service you have given the community.
By Daryl Himes
November 8, 2005 2:19 PM | Link to this
Don’t use Mario when Minnie is the person responsible for the Mendoza Line. See Below.
“The Mendoza line is actually named after Minnie Mendoza, a career minor leaguer, who finally made it with the Minnesota Twins in 1970 At age 36. Mendoza hit .188 in sixteen games with the Twins that year. I remember seeing the term Mendoza Line first mentioned in The Sporting News in either 1970 or 1971. It mentioned that some hitters could not even get their averages above the Mendoza Line. It then stated that the term was named after the Twins light hitting infielder Minnie Mendoza. Mario did not come along until 1974. It burns me every time I hear an announcer Mention Mario instead of Minnie when referring to the Mendoza Line. Long live Minnie!”
By Joy
November 8, 2005 7:46 PM | Link to this
As always….great article - You, Det Steve, never fail to keep a smile OR laughter far from me !!! KUDOS !
By Keith
November 9, 2005 2:50 AM | Link to this
Sir, for one who is about to start a career in law enforcement your column is always great. Im 45 at dont think your too old
By Elizabeth
November 9, 2005 6:30 PM | Link to this
If you and I were both single, I’d ask you to marry me. I think your wit and sense of humor and ability to laugh at yourself is wonderful! What is Fulton County going to do without you? I know, same thing they do every day, but the guys and gals you work with won’t have nearly as much fun as they do now! Thank you for all you do!
By Mark
November 12, 2005 11:33 AM | Link to this
Sir, of all the things that you never did, you never lost your sense of humor. Keep doing what you do best, informing us while also entertaining. Thanks for all you have done.
By Peg
November 21, 2005 9:54 AM | Link to this
Thanks for putting a real face and personality under the hat, shades, cuffs and holster. I’m a retired housewife with senior discounts, but distrust for “The Man” has lingered long long past my hippie years. I laugh at your stories and email them to friends. Thanks for showing me how life looks from inside the Lincoln.