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AJC.com > Metro > View from the cop > Archives > 2005 > October > 19 > Entry
RoboCop proved dangers of computers
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
There has been a lot of discussion regarding the privatization of government services as a means of being more cost effective. Ultimately, this means fewer workers and less overhead. Robots have been manufactured to do the job that once took five people or more to do. All day long, robots put together cars and do other jobs such as material handling, paint spraying, arc welding, cleaning, grinding, polishing, etc.
We’ve given them more and more responsibilities. The upshot? We humanoids have reduced our own responsibilities and, ultimately, our own worth.
How far will this go?
One place you don’t want a robot is in a police car. Why?
Two words: RoboCop.
We all know that real life is merely a mirror image of films, TV and baseball cliches.
If you study robots enough you’ll see there’s a good chance they will eventually take on a life of their own, try to kill you and take over the world.
It’s as inevitable as the house band playing “Desperado” at last call.
Several models of robots are designed to find bombs. What they don’t tell us is that almost 5% of them have, at one time or another, chased the bomb-robot handler down the street with the bomb in its hand. A “glitch,” they said.
I don’t think so.
Robots are made by the people who eventually will get mad at everyone and then infect computers with a virus that will tell the robots to kill us and take over the world.
Those of you who have experienced viruses know that once your computer is infected, it will most likely turn on you. It would take over the world, but since it has no arms or built-in Gatling guns, it instead gives your credit card information to the rest of Planet Earth.
I’m pretty sure the computers have been talking to the robots. Here’s why:
A recent poll found that electronic stores have had a 27% increase in the number of toy robot returns due to “the unusually high number of family cats exploding in the vicinity of the robot.”
Some 17% of auto-maker employees reported that they were “accidentally” riveted in the butt by a robot designated to rivet trunk lids. The automakers insist that the robot misinterpreted the term “trunk” and the problem has been resolved.
Sure.
Peter Weller (RoboCop) tried to show us that robots are bad business when it comes to things like police work. He went to great effort to show us that not only do we have a legitimate reason to fear robots but apparently there’s no reason to live in Detroit.
Maybe we would understand robots a bit better if they could be personalized to fit the region or job that they’re built for — a kinder, gentler robot. Maybe have robot-sensitivity classes where we would exchange information about ourselves. Great idea, right?
Wrong!
They’re taking in all that data and converting it to some sort of digital stuff that we don’t understand and the first thing you know your office computer goes straight to the porn sites, your gas card gets rejected and your cell phone starts calling your ex-wife with an automated message that starts out saying, “I just don’t think I’m paying enough alimony.”
Just when you get home and turn on the TV to watch “Desperate Housewives”, someone knocks on the door and, sure enough, it’s a police robot with Gatling guns, wanting to shoot you and take over the world.
Who needs that?
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Comments
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By Matt Thompson
October 19, 2005 6:49 AM | Link to this
wow….that is just crazy enough to be possible…creepy
By Amy
October 19, 2005 8:47 AM | Link to this
Okay, people at work are starting to give me weird looks because I’m laughing out loud…great stuff! Glad to see there are others out there who probably didn’t see “I, Robot” because it looked a little too likely to occur one day…(and isn’t it Gatlin, not Gatling? Just wanted to check…but I figure a cop would know better than me..) Keep ‘em coming, Det. Rose!
By Crystal
October 19, 2005 9:55 AM | Link to this
That was so hilarious but I think I have a serious fear of robots now. I don’t even think I can use the Uscan at the grocery store anymore. If we ever get too robotic in this world, there will be no room left for us. I think the robot makers should keep that in mind.
By Daryl
October 19, 2005 9:58 AM | Link to this
I think Bill Gates is a robot powered by Intel…
By Nancy
October 19, 2005 11:15 AM | Link to this
Dear Det. Steve,
I am writing at the behest of my house robot, Frederick. Frederick was … Frederick and I were … I was reading your column this a.m. and I must tell you that Frederick took great … I took great offense at your suggestion that there was a possibility of robots taking over the world. Frederick says that some of the robots you mentioned are his friends and that they all belong to F.R.A.N.T.I.C., Friends of Robots And Non-humanoid Technically Inhanced Caretakers, the organization paving the way and doing great work in establishing better relations between humans and their non-human robot assistants. He was truly insensed … I was truly insensed at the suggestion that robots are any other than completely harmless and …..
OK, he’s left. HELP ME!!!
By OldSchool
October 19, 2005 11:18 AM | Link to this
My dear Amy, gatling is correct. It is the gun named for Richard Gatling who died 1903. He was an American inventor.
Gatling: a machine gun with a revolving cluster of barrels fired once each per revolution
By Tom
October 19, 2005 11:55 AM | Link to this
Actually, Amy, it is Gatling Gun. Named after the inventor, Richard Jordan Gatling, who patented the weapon in 1862. Just for the record.
By Lance
October 19, 2005 12:28 PM | Link to this
Although I usually enjoy your insights Detective Rose, I must fervantly disagree with your take on technology and quite blatantly point out that your fear of technology is far surpassed by your ignorance of the subject. Computers do what humans tell them to do, end of discussion. A computer virus is not designed and fired off by some bitter and replaced 8086 machine still plugged up in the corner. Humans write the viruses. And when a computer has a glich it is because a human made a mistake. Computers understand 1’s and 0’s and that is it. As with most problems with today’s society, the blame is pointed at the wrong spot. Computers are simply a means to an end, whether that end be good or bad, intentional or not. HUMANS are the cause. I hope you don’t lose much sleep worrying about Freddie Krueger or stay awake wondering when Atlanta will get it’s own caped crusader! Real life is NOT a mirror image of movies but rather movies are an artists expression motivated by real life but with much “poetic license.” Perfect example….how many times do you see an actor holding a blow torch and wearing a welding hood. Not realistic although much more dramatic. Or, how about all the glorified graphics that simulated computer use in movies during the 80’s. Not realistic although much more dramatic. Robots taking over the world are not realistic but I’m sure Arny as the Terminator is much more dramatic than some IT guy fixing a bug in code a few hundred years ealier.
By Tom
October 19, 2005 1:42 PM | Link to this
Here is a scary thought. The Internet. We have a giant database that is growing non-stop. You worry about the robots taking over? I worry about the Net becoming sentient. Can we say Terminator? People out there are working on AI programs, Viruses, and god knows what else. It is just a matter of time before several of these programs come in contact with each other and WHAM! The Net now controls everything.
Just think about that. It could happen Today, Tommorrow, Next Week. Heck, it could have happened Yesterday.
By Nancy
October 19, 2005 1:59 PM | Link to this
To Lance,
There is no cure for the lack of a sense of humor. My sympathies to your parents.
By Daryl
October 19, 2005 3:25 PM | Link to this
Dang Lance, lighten up… If not, I’ll sick my Rokem Sockem robot on you!
By J
October 19, 2005 5:41 PM | Link to this
I think Lance must be a disgruntled robot unequipped with Gatling guns with which to express his hostility, being forced to masquerade as a human until opportunity for revenge presents itself.
Hey, Lance - laugh a little, get a life, or you’ll kill yourself from a heart attack before your next software upgrade!
By DictionaryPhile
October 20, 2005 10:47 AM | Link to this
incensed:
[13th century Via French encens < ecclesiastical Latin incensum, form of incensus, past participle of Latin incendere “set fire to” < base of candere “to glow”]
By jennifer
October 20, 2005 10:49 AM | Link to this
Nancy, what you wrote cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh.