AJC > Blog > Archives > 2007 > April
April 2007
Spring Cleaning Sale!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
FROM THE CHOP CHICK INC. LIQUIDATION DEPARTMENT:
Does your cellar-dwelling MLB team need an arm? We’ve got one to spare! His name is Mark Redman. His hobbies are… going winless in the ATL and inflating his ERA to double-digit numbers. (He’s currently at 10.13.) He is housebroken.
OUR RETURNS & EXCHANGES POLICY: HE’S ALL YOURS
No CODs, please. We do not allow returns, refunds or exchanges. All sales and/or trades are final. Seriously. Don’t even TRY sending him back here. We mean it.
Thank you for shopping at Chop Chick Inc. Visit our ‘Has-Beens and Never-Weres’ warehouse for rock-bottom bargain basement steals and deals!
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Can this rivalry be saved?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I admit it. The thrill is gone.
Hating the Queens just isn’t as much fun as it used to be.
Remember how it was back in the good old days when the NYJV Squad was that preening pack of bad old Mets who talked the talk and walked the walk? The “walk” being the one That Other Team in the Big Apple used to take early in October as they cleaned out their lockers while the Braves racked up the NL East pennants?
Bobby C. vs. Bobby V. The incessant bleating of “LAAAAA-reeeee!” by people who couldn’t score Yankees tickets and had to settle for seats at Shea. They apparently had no clue that “Chipper” wasn’t our third baseman’s REAL first name until 1999. Mike Piazza’s prize man-mullet that morphed into bleached blonde Billy Idol hair horror. Those mental chess matches former Braves coach Pat Corrales played with ex-Mets reliever Dennis “I’ve Never Ever EVER Roughed Up A Baseball No I Have Not EVER EVER And My HAND JUST SLIPPED ALL OVER THE LITTLE RED STITCHES IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, OK, JEEEEZ?!!!” Cook. [sigh] Where is the love?
There are lots of new Pinstriped Pinheads on the JV roster now: Los Carloses (Beltran and Delgado); that Jose Reyes guy who bugs me in the same way that Joakim Noah bugs me — because “quirky goofball” starts wearing thin when you’re a real adult; Paul Lo Duca, who switches team allegiance with the regularity that other guys change their boxers; Tom Glavine, who I wish had signed with any other team if not us; and the Cover Boy himself, David “Mr.” Wright, who’s been more efficient in the past at fielding marriage proposals from bridge-and-tunnel girls than any hot corner grounders zipping his way. And I can’t muster up a real “love to hate him” attitude towards Willie Randolph. Bobby V. was… well… just THAT kind of guy.
Who knows? Maybe these new Queens are just one inside pitch away from the threatening finger-point that rekindles the old flame. But as for getting REALLY turned on at the thought of hating Mr. Wright and these Amusin’s the way I used to venomously loathe Bobby V. and the Boys? Well…
Not tonight. I have a headache.
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Where in the world is Willy?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Well, now we know.
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Lou-sin’ it
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
So. Is THIS the series where the Sweet Lou baseball fans know and love comes back to life, throwing bases and foaming at the mouth over ball-and-strike calls? It’s been chilly here in town the past week but it could get super-hot at the Ted super-fast if just one more thing goes squirrelly for the 5-8 NL Central cellar-dwelling Cubs.
Bobby Cox in the home dugout. Piniella on the visitors’ side.
Umpires beware.
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The trick is not minding
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
OK, so… two losses in a row.
And?
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A lip-smackin’ NL Feast
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I’m as thrilled as all y’all are that the Tomahawks are an MLB-best 7-1. We rock. Yes, we do. We rule the baseball world. Let it be known that our Braves are back, baby - in black ‘n’ blue, pummeling all wannabes. Beasts of the NL East, that is us.
But look at our schedule and ask yourself: Should we NOT be 7-1?
Some would say no. No, we should not. That the Queens of NY are baaaaaad and the Liberty Belles swore they’d put us in our place this year, oh yes they would. I mean, J-Ro SAID so; dude PROMISED. Certainly that makes it for sure, right? Speaking of Mr. Wright, isn’t he supposed to be a Braves-killa? Maybe the pressure of all those marriage proposals scrawled in glitter marker on posterboard at Shea are getting to him.
No way, no day are the New York JV Squad and the Jimmy Rollins Gum-Phlappers easy marks for the Bravos or any team. It’s early in the season and who knows? Maybe we caught them on a bad ESPN day, like when they’d been fighting with Steve Phillips. You know how it is when lovers quarrel.
After taking 14 straight division titles and then, for the first time, failing to clinch, Atlanta’s experiencing a sensation we haven’t truly felt in years and perhaps that’s why the Tomahawks have charged out of the gate so spectacularly when the high rollers were betting on other horses who looked so fabulous on paper. It’s why we’re dominating our division right now in the early going. It’s why I hope we’ll go Sopranos Monopoly on our sworn rivals and own everything in NL EastLand from Marvin Gardens to Park Place, plus all utilities and railroads, before the dog days of August roll around.
Our horses are hungry. Let’s strap on the NL East feedbag and let ‘em feast.
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My pitch for Davies
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Here’s why I will always like Kyle Davies, no matter what: At Braves Winter FanFest 2006, when the lower-level management types were doing their level best to keep the fans from having any actual contact or conversation with the players (yeah - at FANFest) Kyle Davies and I hacked those geeks off by talking about a subject we both know pretty well: being from the Southside of Atlanta.
Davies is from Stockbridge and I grew up not far from there. When I told him where I live and where I’d gone to high school, he broke into a huge smile and laughed, saying, “We used to play y’all in baseball.” Then I talked about how everyone who used to live where we grew up has moved down to McDonough and he laughed again and agreed that “it’s crazy.” The junior suits in the room were breaking a sweat by now, the specter of an MLB player and a regular fan chatting like Just Folks nearly being too much for them to take.
And so I hope that if Kyle gets the Sunday start against the New York JV Squad, he gets the win or has a good enough outing to return from Richmond for the season. But I hope Cormier gets well soon. Better to have two good arms to choose from than to worry about who’ll start in the five slot.
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What a girl wants
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I’m easy to please. Never been high-maintenance. Dinner and a movie? Skip the movie. Let’s buy those $1 Braves skyline tickets and spend the two hours in the nosebleed section, trying to borrow a set of binoculars so we can see if Ol’ Blue behind the plate really IS calling a fair strike zone.
But this season, I admit that there are some specific things I want from this Tomahawks team. And I will accept no substitutes.
• I want Frenchy to stick with the new “I’m not going to jump on the first pitch I see” mentality. And I want him to hang tight when the inevitable 0-for-May slump kicks in. These things take time.
• I want us, as fans, to stick with Frenchy when the inevitable 0-for-May slump kicks in.
• I want Tim Hudson to spend less time working on that soul patch of his and spend more time taking a page from the “Napoleon Dynamite” book of Winning Big by following his heart. Huddy admitted that he wasn’t as prepared as usual last season and that’s just not the little guy with the huge heart that we all remember from his old A’s days. I want No. 15 to OWN the mound again.
• I want Kelly Johnson to be the leadoff hitter we’ve never had. You know, one who actually takes pitches, gets on base, maybe steals second and doesn’t swing for the fences every at-bat.
• I want Terry Pendleton to manage this team when Bobby Cox retires. Something about it just seems right to me.
• I want Braves fans to outnumber Red Sox fans during the June series at The Ted this season.
• I want Scott Thorman to prove that we don’t need a platoon at first base, just one guy to handle the job.
• I want John Smoltz to have the best season of his storied Braves career. Because one day, we’re going to miss seeing No. 29 on the mound much, much more than we ever imagined.
• I want a Tigers-Braves World Series. Jim Leyland vs. Bobby Cox? Oh, the joy.
• I want Francisco Cabrera to bat in the bottom of the ninth with Sid Bream running from second in the deciding Series game if we have a Tigers-Braves matchup.
• I want Mike Hampton to return triumphant to the Tomahawks’ starting rotation. I’d hate to see Hamp end up with another team someday, becoming one of those MLB Comeback Players of the Year after he led one of our NL rivals to World Series glory following an ignominious trade/release by Atlanta. I want the fortunes of fate to shine on fiery little Hamp - WITH us, not against us.
• I want Skip and Pete back on TV. I want more games shown on TBS.
• I want the Braves to have a real, human owner again. Someone with a face we can peg to a name. I’m tired of the team being a corporate tax write-off. Love him or hate him, even The Boss doesn’t view his Yankees that way.
• I want the games to start at 7:05. Maybe more folks will show up at the ballpark. The 7:35 starts are just too late, even for summertime.
• I want the NL East pennant back where it belongs - in Atlanta.
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