Better health

By dittohead

November 18, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this

By Marci W

November 18, 2008 8:41 AM | Link to this

You described my current situation in your introduction of this topic. My husband had a stroke this summer, and now experiencing other health issues. Balancing work and caring for him at home has been so very difficult that I am ready to find a support group to help me deal with my emotional and stress issues that I don’t want to burden my husband with.

There is no hard, fast rules on how to provide the care needed to the best of your ability and finding resources and help can be a full time job too.

Having to be a health advocate for my husband had been the most difficult thing. Doctors and nurses don’t really listen to you, they follow protocol and give just the minimum of care needed in the hospital.

You can’t really plan too far ahead on outings, or the future and at times just one day at a time is all I handle.

By bebe

November 18, 2008 9:00 AM | Link to this

Caring for parents. How can you go from looking to someone for your every need, to meeting their every need. It’s hard emotionally, because you never thought it would be that way. But once started, you realize they are suffering as much as you are. They have lost their independence, they feel like a guest in your home and they don’t have their “Things”. If there is moderate dementia, they even act childish and try to play you against other family members. But once you realize what is going on, you get over it and learn how to deal with it. The most important thing I have learned is to include and not exclude them from family matters. It is worthwhile in the long run and you get to spend time with them. Didn’t have that luxury with one parent. Passed away suddenly.

By Old School

November 18, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

My brother stepped up to look after Mom when we lost Daddy. He has literally given up having a job and life of his own to give her the 24/7 care she now needs. Mom retired at age 81 from our school system and her meager retirement income is what supports them. I work full time but provide transportation as they have no car. Scheduling can be tricky but we are fortunate to live in a small town and our church members drive when I can’t.

There has to be a special place in God’s heart for all loving caregivers. It is a monumental task that requires great sacrifice. Bless you all!

By Melissa Ingle

November 18, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

Marci W-
I totally understand! I am currently working full-time, in school, have 2 kids, have a husband that was injured in Iraq and I am the caregiver for my father. I do not know if I am coming or going somedays. My father has had a stroke and a heart attack. He is diabetic, has high blood pressure and blind in one eye. He also has seizures. My husband has seizures.

I do not have any help from outside sources. My fathers LOW income is too high for any programs.

Family outings- What that? Our family outings consist of Doctors appointments.

Everything is just one day at a time.

By Melissa Ingle

November 18, 2008 9:11 AM | Link to this

Dittohead, In the late 1900’s most women did not work. The family was a traditional family where the male worked and the female was home. Now it takes 2 incomes and most cannot afford to be home to take care of others.

By Juanita J

November 18, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this

Yes, basically, I have spent a great deal of my life caring for love ones. My biggest task was taking care of my elderly father. I had a husband,d three young children, one full time job and a part-time job. My husband was very supportive and my oldest daughter. However, there were times, when I was mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. I was able to make it through because my dad had such a wonderful attitude and was very sweet and cooperative. Also, I had God in my life to give me strenght. Additionally, my father was a WW11 Vet. And the Veterans’ programs were so helpful. My father passed several years ago, but if I had to do it over again, I would. Thank God for good parents and being able to provide for them, a reward for their faithfulness.

By THarp

November 18, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

My husband passed away at the end of February of this year with cancer and prior to that I took off work under the Family Medical Leave Act when I had to, to care for him. During the last year and a half when his cancer progressed, I did as I always did, I took care of him and didn’t ask for help because there was no one who could or was willing to assist me or who my husband would allow to assist us. My husband was a very proud person and believed that if a person wanted to do something they would, they knew the situation and would see the need and volunteer without being asked and this wasn’t the case. The love and respect I had for my husband made me take care of him by myself without complaining, without tiring, without giving up and especially moreso when I knew he was nearing the end. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life but my husband deserved the best care and I did everything in my power to give him that - I had to do what was best for him. If you are weak at heart or can’t handle stress this isn’t something I would recommend doing because it takes a physically and emotionally strong person to care for a loved one. I often look back at the last two weeks of my husband’s life and even though I know I did all I could and God had already claimed him, I still catch myself wondering if I could have done more. I miss my husband so much but I was there with him when he took his last breath and God wrapped him in His arms to carry him home where he could be whole and painfree again!! If I had to do it all over again, out of the great love and respect I had and will always have for my husband I definitely would!!

By Tamiko

November 18, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

Melissa-

My heart goes out to you!! U are a trong women 2 juggle all of that and try and keep sane. I understand regarding low income being too high 4 programs bcuz that is what my family is going through. I have a sister that has stage4 cancer and my mom had triple bypass heart surgery as well as diabetes. She probably take about 20 pills a day. My younger sis has small kids so she can only do so much. I’m the one left that has to step in and pick up the pieces and I’m living in DC!!! I’m putting my daughter through college so everything I do is mostly via internet as well as support groups. Bills are easier and doctors appointments bcuz I have everything on a reminder on my pc. I just have 2 manage the best way I can.

By SCOOTER

November 18, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

Caregiving, I have two, my husband and my mom, plus work a fulltime job. Seven years ago, my husband was diagnosed with bone cancer, after surgery, while in the hospital, it was discovered that he had two tumors in the back of his head. After two surgeries and 45 days later, my world completely changed at home, keeping in mind that I was also, keep a full time job. Doctors told me that he had 3 to 5 years to live, well after a year of self pity, I put him in the hands of the Lord, and pray everyday, for the strenght to keep going. when my father passed away six years ago, a decision on behalf of my sister to move mom, south, well that did not work, so she turned the responsibilty over to me. my time is between my husband, mom, and my job. i have a granddaughter that will be thirteen next year, and a daughter, that i haven’t spent much time with in the last seven years. how do i do it, pray alot for strenght, don’t ask for help, because sometimes you are better off to do it yourself. May God Bless All of Us Caregivers, Give us the Strenght, and Keep Continuing to take One Day At A Time.

By SCOOTER

November 18, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

Caregiving, I have two, my husband and my mom, plus work a fulltime job. Seven years ago, my husband was diagnosed with bone cancer, after surgery, while in the hospital, it was discovered that he had two tumors in the back of his head. After two surgeries and 45 days later, my world completely changed at home, keeping in mind that I was also, keep a full time job. Doctors told me that he had 3 to 5 years to live, well after a year of self pity, I put him in the hands of the Lord, and pray everyday, for the strenght to keep going. when my father passed away six years ago, a decision on behalf of my sister to move mom, south, well that did not work, so she turned the responsibilty over to me. my time is between my husband, mom, and my job. i have a granddaughter that will be thirteen next year, and a daughter, that i haven’t spent much time with in the last seven years. how do i do it, pray alot for strenght, don’t ask for help, because sometimes you are better off to do it yourself. May God Bless All of Us Caregivers, Give us the Strenght, and Keep Continuing to take One Day At A Time.

By Frustrated

November 18, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this

Before my father died recently, my mom and I shared responsibility for taking care of him. Now that he is gone, problems my mom had ignored are showing up. I have an older brother but he is no help. His friends are more important, except when he is going to get something from us. I’m finding it quite difficult to deal with on my own. I’m still trying to handle things from my father’s passing. My mom is stubborn and doesn’t want to go to the doctor like she should and she forgets her medicine. On top of this, I have a full time job. As someone stated above, you have to take one day at a time and sometimes those days end in tears. God bless all of the caregivers because until you are one yourself, you don’t realize how much goes into it.

By A

November 18, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

My father got very sick about 6 years ago and I quit work to take care of him. It was a struggle at times but I lost him in August and I am glad we had that time together. I would not trade it for the world!

By Easy E

November 18, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

God bless all caregivers. I have been caring for Grandmother for 2 years now. And I have had to learn how to take the bitter with the sweet. (immediate family members)Bitter/(Grandmother) SWEET. Caregivers are forgotten by others, and remembered by GOD. ADVICE: Let Go and Let God. God is in control, not Us.

By j dyess calhoun

November 18, 2008 5:29 PM | Link to this

I have just published book based on 20 years of caregiving experience. The book is designed to offer caregivers ideas, lists of resources, websites and agencies that are helpful. The book also includes stories and experiences of family and friends who have been caregivers. It has been called a primer for the caregiver by 3 Ph.D.s in the field. If you need more info, visit: www.caregivingcare.com or e-mail: care4caregiver@earthlink.net. j calhoun