AJC > Sandy Springs > Blog > Archives > 2008 > May > 26 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USThe hardest lesson of all
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
In our house the phone and the clock are intertwined in the evening hours. Any time the phone rings after 9:30 at night raises an eyebrow. Anything after 10 better be something important. Anything after 11 is almost always not good.
So it was two weeks back when my phone vibrated on the bedside table after 11. It was our son in Indiana. His grandfather (my former father-in-law) had died, apparently in his sleep. Zach, little more than three months beyond his 21st year, learned that getting older has its advantages with this exception - everyone is your life gets older and some get closer to the end of their journey.
I once heard that we all impose an unfair pact with the people we love the most. It is a decidedly selfish pact that goes like this - no matter what our differences are in age, gender, geography or genetics I get to die first. I do not want to be the mourner.
But there he was, late at night and missing his granddaddy. Like many boys he had a strong bond with his grandfather. Zach was the first grandchild and was on the receiving end of the indulgence parents are tempted to give their kids but can’t because they have to be, well, parents.
The same rules, happily, do not apply to grandparents. As such Zach lost a dear friend.
So now it was time to learn about some grown-up things — hurried plane reservations, reworking his schedule for the week, making sure his suit was pressed and being relied on to truly pitch in. He was getting a taste of what a friend calls “Big Boy School,” where life’s harder lessons are doled out.
I have gotten those calls, too. Once in college when my sister died in an accident and 15 years later while at work I was told my father lost a long battle with cancer. I can recall both conversations in detail, as I can the days that followed. These are things one does not forget.
If we are paying attention we come through those times with a little more understanding on how fragile life is, how much it truly needs to be appreciated and too wise to buy into that “no one dies before me” foolishness.
And if we take those lessons to heart we are blessed.
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Comments
By gttim
May 29, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
A moving article. As my parents hit their late 60’s and 70’s, and my last grandparent gets ready to turn 88, I realize I may be a mourner soon- again. I have sadly lost a favorite uncle and a favorite aunt in the past decade. Two months ago I lost a super step-brother and a cherished dog a few days apart. Not only have I learned that life is fragile, but there are people and animals that I truly long to see again and will always miss.
By fk
May 29, 2008 1:09 PM | Link to this
Life is precious and, sadly, passes too quickly for some. I hope you recall your sister and dad with happy memories. Your son was very lucky to have known his grandfather.
Two years ago, my son, then 15, accompanied me to NY for the funeral of his 19 year old cousin. Ironically, today is actually the second anniversary of his death. That was the most adult thing I had ever done for my son. It would have been easier to leave him home, but the circumstances made me think he should witness what one poor decision can do. Then, last June, we found ourselves enroute to NY again, for the funeral of his 14 year old cousin. She lost a 5-1/2 year battle to brain cancer. I, too, can recall those long distance phone conversations. I actually had to hang up for the first. One was a total shock, the other, although expected, was still surreal. Both so very sad. You’re right. Life is fragile. Embrace it.