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Monday, May 26, 2008
The hardest lesson of all
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
In our house the phone and the clock are intertwined in the evening hours. Any time the phone rings after 9:30 at night raises an eyebrow. Anything after 10 better be something important. Anything after 11 is almost always not good.
So it was two weeks back when my phone vibrated on the bedside table after 11. It was our son in Indiana. His grandfather (my former father-in-law) had died, apparently in his sleep. Zach, little more than three months beyond his 21st year, learned that getting older has its advantages with this exception - everyone is your life gets older and some get closer to the end of their journey.
I once heard that we all impose an unfair pact with the people we love the most. It is a decidedly selfish pact that goes like this - no matter what our differences are in age, gender, geography or genetics I get to die first. I do not want to be the mourner.
But there he was, late at night and missing his granddaddy. Like many boys he had a strong bond with his grandfather. Zach was the first grandchild and was on the receiving end of the indulgence parents are tempted to give their kids but can’t because they have to be, well, parents.
The same rules, happily, do not apply to grandparents. As such Zach lost a dear friend.
So now it was time to learn about some grown-up things — hurried plane reservations, reworking his schedule for the week, making sure his suit was pressed and being relied on to truly pitch in. He was getting a taste of what a friend calls “Big Boy School,” where life’s harder lessons are doled out.
I have gotten those calls, too. Once in college when my sister died in an accident and 15 years later while at work I was told my father lost a long battle with cancer. I can recall both conversations in detail, as I can the days that followed. These are things one does not forget.
If we are paying attention we come through those times with a little more understanding on how fragile life is, how much it truly needs to be appreciated and too wise to buy into that “no one dies before me” foolishness.
And if we take those lessons to heart we are blessed.
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