AJC > Sandy Springs > Blog > Archives > 2006 > January > 03
Tuesday, January 3, 2006
Some resolutions for a new city
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
There are few things more flimsy than the life expectancy of New Year’s resolutions.
If we kept all our promises to ourselves the world would be full of nothing but trim, physically fit people who are wise with their money, spend less time watching reality TV shows and more time helping those in need.
But, of course, we don’t and that’s why there is no greater eye-rolling exercise than making resolutions this time of year. However, common sense has never been a burden to me, so for my friends and neighbors in Sandy Springs, let us resolve to:
1) Drive on Roswell Road the way we drove when we were 16 and taking our driving test to secure our first-ever license. Let us always pretend that seated next to us is a dour and demanding driving examiner with a migraine, an ulcer, bad gas and a severe case of gout, just waiting for any excuse to fail us.
2) Walk around Sandy Springs as though we got paid $10 per step and a bonus of $25 for using correct pedestrian manners. That way, we’d be losing money every time we jaywalked. Further, we pledge to write our mayor and city council weekly until the traffic lights are synchronized and more crosswalks are put in. And those letters will be polite.
3) Find uses for our middle fingers that do not imply dissatisfaction with our fellows. Use the horn in our cars for true emergencies.
4) Attend public meetings, register to vote and be informed. Volunteer. Not complain about a problem without bringing a solution to the table.
5) Realize that Sandy Springs is not the refuge of the wealthy and white. The W&W may make up the majority of the people who call Sandy Springs home, but Sandy Springs is white, African-American, Hispanic, Asian, gay, lesbian, straight, tall, short, liberal, conservative, new Coke, old Coke, Jew, Catholic, Protestant, Muslim, crust-on, crust-cut-off, etc.
6) Put the sex trade out of business the old-fashioned way — starve ‘em. Let’s stop paying to watch ladies dance naked, stop paying money for “massagesâ€? that include conjugal activity and stop shelling out cash for movies, toys, costumes of an adult nature. There is nothing “adultâ€? about them. When these places can’t make payroll and pay the light bill, we’ll not have to worry about them mucking up the landscape.
Let’s get to work - whaddaya say? Good luck. Happy New Year.
