AJC > Sandy Springs > Blog > Archives > 2005 > October > 17
Monday, October 17, 2005
When did we forget our manners?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
When did we forget our manners?
We seem to have crossed a line at some juncture into a place where the simple proprieties are no longer a factor. Anything resembling he most common of courtesies is now treated as a dangerous curiosity.
You wouldn’t believe the trouble I have found myself in when I used the expression “ma’am.â€? A woman from Los Angeles, who I have known professionally for several years, took great umbrage when I recently used that term while answering a question.
“Do I look like your grandmother!â€? she shrieked. “Don’t call me that!â€?
I explained that I was taught “ma’amâ€? was a term of respect, and not a sly way to infer one was in her advanced years.
I was in New York City several years ago and fell into conversation with some women in a neighborhood pub. When I referred to one of them as “ma’amâ€? they blushed and reacted like it was the greatest thing since bikini wax.
“You have to be from out of town,â€? I was told. “Men in New York never say ma’am.â€?
And that’s just the tip of the ill-mannered iceberg.
When did men stop standing when a woman approached or left the table in a restaurant? We might remember to open the door to the restaurant, but do we remember to open the car door for her?
When did men and women decide it was acceptable to dine in a fine restaurant in jeans, t-shirts and other casual attire? And by “fineâ€? I mean any establishment that requires reservations, has a maitre d’, a wine list that is more than half a page, pressed linen napkins and doesn’t offer drinks named after acts of sexual congress.
When did we forget that in a social setting, no one begins to eat until everyone at the table has been served?
Napkins go in the lap?
Elbows stay off the table?
No talking with food in our mouths?
I don’t care if you have to take a mobile phone call during dinner, but would you please find a quiet place to have the conversation? Or if you insist on having it loud enough for all nearby to hear it, not wonder why it might draw the attention of all in earshot?
And, please, take the wireless earpiece off before you sit down at the table. It makes you look like a Star Trek wannabe with that thing protruding from the side of your head.
One other word about mobile phones, specifically those that have the PDA capability. I know you may get a text message while we’re talking face to face. Please don’t break eye contact with me to read your messages. If you’re that in demand, let’s re-schedule.
When did we decide a written dinner-party invitation with a RSVP request could be ignored? Are we so busy we can’t pick up the phone and make a two-minute call to offer confirmation or regrets?
I was pleasantly surprised a few years back when my wife and I sent out invitations on a Friday for a party. The following Monday one recipient called to say they were sorry but they would be out of town. A day later there was a note — handwritten on embossed stationary — thanking us for the consideration and again, expressing regret. I considered offering it to the Smithsonian.
I could on with other examples but how do we get to a place where we’ve forgotten how to be nice to each other? Did we stop caring? Did we get too busy? Or did we merely think we’re too busy?
And I guess the most important question is, how do we find our way back?
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