Home > Feeding Frenzy > Archives > 2008 > October > 15 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USShould women be served first in restaurants?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A recent article in the New York Times told of a new restaurant in which the owner, a woman, decided to be gender neutral when it came to passing out menus, taking orders and delivering plates. Apparently, at most upscale restaurants there is software that notes both the position at a table to which a dish is going and whether the diner is female, so the wait-staff can present dishes in a gender-conscious sequence.
The response was decidedly negative, with comment cards returned stating, “Serve ladies first!” It seems that chivalry still rules at most upscale restaurants and traditional etiquette matters.
What do you think when you go out to dine? Do you notice who gets served first and does it matter to you? Should there be equality in the restaurant dining rooms of America?
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By never noticed...
October 15, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this
I never really noticed who gets served first and it doesn’t matter to me. Of course, I never go to fancy restaurants and don’t know the rules of upscale dining etiquette. I just figure they go around the table and take orders in sequence of seating arrangement. I’m not crazy about full-service restaurants anyway because I don’t care to be interrupted during a meal by someone doing cartwheels to get a bigger tip because their employer pays them nothing. Just my own cynical two cents worth.
By ServeItUp
October 15, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this
Of course the woman should be served first. What ever happened to chivalry? Some people consider it dead, but then again, that is why the divorce rate is sky high and domestic violence is outrageous.
Women should be respected (an equal), but more importantly respected. I respect my wife and still open doors, ladies first, and everything both my mother and father taught me.
I really wish we could go back to the days of old when men treated women with respect and marriage was not a fly by night, here today, gone tomorrow proposition. The moral fabric of America is breaking down and it all starts with the little things like this.
Just my two cents!
By reserviorDAWG
October 15, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this
Women should be served first. When we dine out I always indicate tio the server to take my wife’s order first. I also think her food should be given to her first. It’s just plain manners and the way I was raised.
By David
October 15, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this
Yes, I notice. And yes, to me it matters. I’m paying for the food and the service, and I want them both to be up to my standards of courtesy, which includes the apparently chivalrous “ladies first” gesture. Call me old fashioned, but it’s the way I’ve been raised and taught to treat a lady, and it’s how I expect a lady to be treated by all.
By Miguel
October 15, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this
Absolutely the ladies should be served first. The way I was raised by my parents, all of the ladies present at the table were to order their meal first, then the men. You were also not allowed to eat until all of the people at the table were served or if the person not having his/her meal said it was OK to start without them. It is all about manners.
By Sugar
October 15, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this
It doesn’t matter to me who gets their food first. We are all at the table together, dining, and that’s what counts!!!
By My3Kids
October 15, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this
Serveitup and reserviorDAWG, I truely wish more men were like you. Well if yall are being trueful. :)
As a women, it would be nice if more men respected women. Many think we are their personal assistants, which we are not.
Ok back to topic, I think it would be nice if women were served first if it is a small table. I have been a waitress before, and when I served larger tables or tables with kids, I tried to serve the kids first so that the parents could take care of their plates while I served the people that were harder to reach with the women first if possible(like with tables against the wall). I then would try to serve the women closer to me first.
By Jozef
October 15, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this
David already said it better than I could. I’d just like to add that I usually factor this issue into my tip as well.
By Mark B.
October 15, 2008 1:03 PM | Link to this
Yes ladies should be served first! The real question is why this only applies to “upscale” restaurants? Should we respect a woman less if she is eating at Applebees? Or, should we only show common manners for a woman if she can afford to eat at Bones? Why some woman (I will add that it is very few) are offended by anyone showing them respect, courtesy, and manners is beyond me! I’m just glad that most women in the south still act like ladies and expect us to act like gentleman! Yankees….go figure!
By Skip
October 15, 2008 1:08 PM | Link to this
It would be nice if the women were served first however I cannot control that. I can control the order in which items are ordered and make sure my wife and daughter are first.
By Lady
October 15, 2008 1:08 PM | Link to this
Well, what do you expect when all the feminists are screaming for equal rights? They are demanding equal rights, but if a man doesn’t open a door for them, they call him a chauvinist (sp). Go figure.
By Steve
October 15, 2008 1:10 PM | Link to this
I have to say I’m amused that people equate chivalry with the ‘proper’ treatment of women. I think many women from more chivalrous times gone by would trade an opened door of yesterday for an open career opportunity of today. I follow some of the standards mentioned just because I was raised that way, but I don’t really think it is necessary or even correct. People are people. Treat them all with equal respect.
By Lissa
October 15, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this
It really doesn’t matter much to me. I’m often thrown off guard when a waiter asks for my drink order first when I’m in the middle of a table. I think it would make better sense to start at one end and go around.
Then again, growing up in our house, our dad always served himself first. In fact, we usually couldn’t eat until he was seated. We’d all sit at the table, waiting for him to finish whatever he was doing. My mother treated him like a king. Then again, he demanded it. To this day when we go out to eat together, he will order first - even when a waiter is looking at someone else.
By sean
October 15, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this
once again women choosing to be women when it is conveinent for the m or to their advantage.why not not use this system come draft day in the military
By New School
October 15, 2008 1:19 PM | Link to this
I truly think chilvary is overrated. Let’s face it, chilvry is simply a code that men had to abide by to impress a woman. And chilvry was offered to simply pacify the “woman” while the man did what he wanted, anyway. True respect comes when you treat someone as you would like to be treated.
I’ve been married 12years and my wife wants to see me happy, so she may say serve me first. I want to see her happy, so I say serve her first. Now, here we are arguing over who gets served first and all we want to do is enjoy a nice dinner out.
Enjoy life because it is short and don’t waste time trying to make someone happy…make them happy.
By Well Mannered Gentleman
October 15, 2008 1:20 PM | Link to this
Ladies first!
By Fred
October 15, 2008 1:22 PM | Link to this
Hell No Women gave up that right 30 years ago.
By Anti Fred
October 15, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this
No wonder Fred hasn’t been laid in 30 years.
By reservoirDAWG
October 15, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this
This has gotten off topic.
By Britt T
October 15, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this
Yes. Chivalry is not dead.
By gadawg
October 15, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this
Lets be equal across the board. Most women want to be treated equal when it benefits them equal pay etc. If women really want equality then they won’t mind not getting served first. And as far as equality goes 18 year old females should be required to register for the draft just as my sons did. Because of the miltary women receive the same freedoms and previledges as men do then why shouldn’t they have the same previledge of dying for their country.
By JT
October 15, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this
I am really fine with it either way. However, I am a female and I often take clients out to lunch or dinner at upscale restaurants. I often ask the waiter to let them go first. Sometimes this seems to take them by surprise. In the case of a business lunch or dinner, I think that the client should go first, regardless of whether they are male of female.
By reservoirDAWG
October 15, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this
I would rather die for my country than see my daughter do so.
By Pamela
October 15, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this
New School….go to Old School…..Chivalry is not a “code” to impress or pacify women…It’s a matter of manners and being respectful…Which by the way, YES does go both ways!!!! I’m just getting back out into the dating scene and am AMAZED at the lack of manners or shall I say “interest” in treating a woman. If a man has no “interest” in allowing a lady to order/be served first, opening a car door…being classy, respectful or minding your manners…DON’T DATE!!!!!
One of my most memorable dinner date experiences, after deciding on an entree, was when the waiter came to take our order and my date said…”The Lady will have…..” I was on cloud 9….He had taken it upon himself to place my order AND refer to me as a Lady…very classy and major brownie points….see guys, it’s the little things!!!
David, Miguel, Jozef & Mark B….sounds like you guys got it right!!!!! Have a great afternoon!!!!
By amanda
October 15, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this
Women should absolutely be served first! It is an act of respect and deference that is proper and should be considered a negative thing. I find it to be very respectful. For so many years and in so many cultures, women were always served last and considered the lowest members of society. So, to be served first at dinner is just a minor tip of the hat to women everywhere.
By Scott
October 15, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this
Pamela, you sound like a spoiled, high-maintenance housewife. I guess if your highest ambition in life is to not have to make decisions for yourself then you MUST be on cloud 9! For myself, I prefer to be with women who have a little self respect. And while I try to treat everyone around me with respect and I hold the door open for everyone, I also expect people to respect me back.
By Mike D
October 15, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this
Women should be happy to be taken out at all. The usual place for a wife is at home making dinner and taking care of the kids.
By Smile
October 15, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this
Believe it or not, I am rather partial to women being served first at a restaurant. Mainly because I have been in an exculsive restaurant in the south and some women where simply out of control when the waiter or waitress asked to escort them to a table first before first escorting a male group to a table.
Finally, when I go home to New York City, the women there are a little more subtle regarding attitude; therefore, women up North need to be served first in a restaurant instead of men. In Frankfurt, Germany, the women scared me to death at an upscale restaurant. First of all, I could barely understand the language, but whatever they said to the waiter at a steak restaurant, he responded not only in tears to getting them a seat immediately, but dropped the silverware on the floor and began to weap. The question is again, should women be served first in a restaurant, well you tell me. Based on the situation in Frankfurt, Germany, I am scared to answer if women should be served first at a restaurant.
By BENNIE
October 15, 2008 2:35 PM | Link to this
The man should be served first, especially if he is paying the bill. I could care less about women, this should be of no concern if you are taking the hard earned money that I made.
By Toni
October 15, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this
Pamela, WAY TO GO GIRL…. Scott….When was the last time you were even in the presence of a Lady? Have you had “any” lately? You sound sssoooooBITTER.
By DunwooduHusband
October 15, 2008 2:54 PM | Link to this
I dont think there is software to indicate that the position (seat) is a woman, but most do allow orders to be entered from a pivot point and around the table. I always ask my wife what she will be having first, etc. When with a group, I go around the table and politely ask each female to go ahead and order and then the men and finish with myself. Just the way I was taught was right and I LIKE IT!
By JB
October 15, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this
Equality should prevail!!
By Customer Reality Check
October 15, 2008 3:03 PM | Link to this
As a server, I have been instructed to serve children first, then ladies, then gentlemen. We try, but it doesn’t always work out that way. But while we’re discussion restaurant etiquette, let’s look at customer etiquette…
It is not cute nor is it acceptable for your children to leave giant messes under and around your table. If they’re too young to eat like a civilized human being, get a babysitter or feed them before you come.
If the restaurant has a host, sit where or at least near where they’re telling you to sit- they’re putting you there for a reason.
Most servers make less than $2.50 an hour. The socially acceptable minimum tip is 15 percent NOT 10 percent! Adequate service is 15 percent, good service is 18 percent, better service is 20 percent, and great service can go up to 25 percent. We have to pay bills too or we wouldn’t be waiting tables.
If you can’t afford to eat and tip the server, go to a cheaper restaurant. It’s frustrating for someone to tell you they can only spend $60, then listen to them order $55 worth of food. It’s not okay to leave us the $2 that’s left after taxes because it’s all you have left and you wanted a special night out.
Contrary to popular belief, even if we really don’t like you, most servers don’t mess with people’s food. We just tell all the other servers about you, remember your face, and make sure you get horrible service next time so that hopefully you won’t come back.
By Mark B
October 15, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this
Scott, not only do you sound like a real jerk. But, you are also totally inconsistent. First, you call Pamela a “spoiled, high maintenance house house wife” for wanting to be treated like a lady. Then you go on to say that you treat all people with respect. All people, except for women who disagree with you huh? Where are you from man….wait, let me guess…Boston, Philly, Jersey….You reek of a low class yankee!
By Counter Point
October 15, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this
If I get terrible service, I have been know to urinate on the floor under my table.
I let my kids do what they want because I am paying for the meal. Which makes all of the people working for the restuarant - Mine.
If I think the service is bad I leave a note telling the wait staff of cooks what sucks with their restaurant and my approximate date the restuarant will close - leaving them all unemployed.
By Surprised
October 15, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this
BENNIE - if you could care less about women, why are you dining with one? And if you are so worried about spending YOUR hard earned money why are you out at all - STAY HOME!! PLEASE!!
Customer Reality Check No one asked for your opinion as a lowly waitperson. Get a real job making real money and you wont have to complain as much. Grow UP!!
By Noelle
October 15, 2008 3:26 PM | Link to this
I’m a woman, and I don’t care who gets served first in a restaurant, as long as the service is prompt and efficient. I certainly don’t want the man ordering for me! I appreciate gestures of chivalry from men when I’m on a date or in similar social situations. But otherwise, I want to be treated as an equal, not like a wilting flower who can’t open a door for herself if she happens to get to it first. I expect courtesy, not special treatment.
By Tipper
October 15, 2008 3:27 PM | Link to this
“Customer Reality Check” - I am a very good tipper - but, you sound like a whiny, spoiled child. It’s not my fault you are stuck in a job of carrying other people’s food and sweeping floors for a living. Go do something else if you don’t want to deal with my children or allow me, the customer, to sit where I want while spending money to keep you in a job.
If you’re so fed up with dealing with other people’s charity for your living - go back to school and find another line of work!
YOU chose to work for 2.50 an hour and gamble the rest of your wages on tips….nobody made you do that….stop biting the hand that feeds you with your silly, ignorant rant. Keep my tea full….get me my food while it’s still hot….wipe the tables clean when I leave and you’ll do just fine financially. It’s really a very simple job!
By Becky
October 15, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this
I’ve never really thought about it..It doesn’t bother me if I ‘m served first or if my husband is..All I care about is that the food they bring me is cooked how I ordered it..When we are at home, if it’s on weekends, I fix the grandkids plates, his, then mine..
Pamela, I have never wnated a man to order food for me..Unless, I’ve told him what I wanted because I had to leave the table..
Reality Check, I never leave a mess that my grandkids make, I always clean it up.. I have had bad service though from waitstaff when they see me sitting at a table with two 6 year olds..Then when I complained to the manager, another waitress actually told me that the other person was upset because I had kids & that they didn’t want to wait on us..I’ve been a waitress before & I always tip according to service..I don’t care how much my bill is, I base my tip on how good my service was..I even allow for the server being given to many tabes at one time..I can overlook a certain amount of things & still give good tip…
By EC Sedgwick
October 15, 2008 3:44 PM | Link to this
The woman I live with has tolerated me since nineteen seventy three. She is always first. her farm family in central North Carolina had differnt ideas. At family functions the men and children always ate first. I miss it!
By Mrs. Jones
October 15, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this
I think its incredibly romantic for a man to order for me. My husband does it all the time. He starts with “The lady will have….”. Oh it just makes my heart melt.
My husband did that for me on our very first date. He knew exactly what I wanted, scary, but he even knew how I wanted my steak cooked. Our first date was at Steak & Ale back in 1985. The food was PERFECT….so I married him. We just celebrated 21 years of marriage.
By Stacey
October 15, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this
I honestly never paid attention so I guess it doesn’t bother me. My husband usually tells me what he wants and I order for everyone. We usually eat at casual dining restaurants such as Longhorn’s or Applebee’s. The person bringing the food out is usually not the person who took the order so they often have to ask “Who ordered the …”.
By KJ
October 15, 2008 4:08 PM | Link to this
The lady will have a water… nah, it’s her birthday, bring her a Sprite.
By Whammo
October 15, 2008 4:16 PM | Link to this
I usually eat alone, or with other women. So I have really never paid much attention. Also I tend to send my food back to the kitchen so it never seems like I get my food first. It goes missing.
By Fire Guy
October 15, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this
You know it is small things such as this that, when compounded on top of other things, ends up causing civility to disappear in our society. Of course the lady should be served first…that is good manners…wheather you are from the South of the Northwest. From small leaks come floods…lets all watch the small things.
By reggie
October 15, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this
yes i do think women should be served first, just like the women should be seated first.
By BENNIE
October 15, 2008 4:37 PM | Link to this
Hey Surprised, first I am dining with a woman because I can, more importantly, I am simply stating that to assume that I want my lady to be served first is incredibly Presumptuous. This makes the simple act of serving food incredibly convoluted. Serving is not brain surgery as noted by the salaries that servers make.
and second, B-T- ME!
By Magenta
October 15, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this
I don’t care either, as long as EVERYBODY GETS SERVED AT THE SAME TIME. Tacky-tacky-tacky to have to sit there and watch your co-diner enjoy the entree when your empty salad bowl was taken away long ago, or having to sit and “be polite” while your food gets cold. Argh!
By Staci
October 15, 2008 4:43 PM | Link to this
I haven’t eaten at an ‘upscale’ restaurent in ages… My take is kids should be served first, then adults. Other than that it does not matter to me as long as the food is hot and fresh.
By Gram
October 15, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this
To ServeItUp: I totally agree. The whole marriage structure means nothing to people anymore. Get married. Have a fight. Get a divorce! It’s too easy. Make it like it used to be…used to take a year or more for a divorce to be final. Now it’s immediate, and it gives people no time to think it over and work on their problems. And to the subject…women first has always been the way it is. Sure, we want equality, but we want our men to act like MEN.
By Staci
October 15, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this
To ‘Customer Reality Check’:
Its your employer’s responsibility to make sure you’re paid at least minimum wage. In the event your tips don’t add up sufficiently they must increase your wages for the week to compensate. As a customer, I tip for good service. Lack of good service results in a lack of tip. If your tips are suffering, look to yourself as the cause.
Beyond that, if you’re not happy with your earnings then look for another line of work.
By Il Sung Il
October 15, 2008 4:53 PM | Link to this
I prefer the Korean style, women serve and stand while the men eat, then they can have whatever’s left.
By Mr. Wilson
October 15, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this
Stupid spoiled women-cretins and whiny bass-ackward waiters are bad enough, but the WORST thing about restaurants are the g.d. run-amuck kids. They should not be served their food; they should be served AS food.
By Butch Gaddy
October 15, 2008 5:11 PM | Link to this
As a 61 year old male, I have always opened doors for women and put them first, whether in line or being served. Is there any other way???? Didn’t your parents teach you the same??? Thanks
By diva diver
October 15, 2008 5:13 PM | Link to this
I send my kids out to bother other people eating just for the #ell of it. It is way to funny watching other people trying to act reserved while my kids let loose in the restaurant.
By Sarah Palin
October 15, 2008 5:15 PM | Link to this
I can tell that most the people who are bloggin’ here are right thinkin’ just folks who will vote for me for president (john will die soon after the election). I am a lady who enjoys a good brontosaurus steak (had one just 6000 years ago) while readin’ my bible. I also demand that my stud-hubby orders it for me. That is, when he’s sober and not zonked out on pot. Of course, I can’t really condemn my dude since I’m partial to the whackky tabakky myself. It’s God’s Will that we win, so all you Obama-sama terrorists can just crawl back in your hidey-holes and get set for more of the same from God’s chosen people: the Caucasians!
By Mr. Chivalry
October 15, 2008 5:16 PM | Link to this
It depends. If there are ladies present, then they should be served before gentlemen. But if there are no ladies present, then all bets are off. Notice I said “ladies” as not all women qualify for this title. Same goes for the gents.
Reminds me of the line from one of the “Dirty Harry” movies when a biker-chick was in a fight and asked Clint Eastwood “You wouldn’t hit a lady, would you?”. He says “No”, then knocks her lights out. Asked, and answered. If you want to be treated like you live in a civilized society, then act like it. This goes for your children too. Otherwise, hopefully one day, you will get what you deserve.
By Get Real
October 15, 2008 5:31 PM | Link to this
There are so many mixed messages that women give. I was raised to open doors, serve the women first, offer a chair on a crowded bus or in a crowded room, and treat women with respect. However, the same women that you hold a door open fail to say thank you, will never let you into the flow of traffic, or open a door when a man has his hands full. It is not a man/woman thing it is common courtesy. Perhaps some kindness is needed from both sexes and realize that there are no hard and fast rules.By jess
October 15, 2008 5:32 PM | Link to this
All over this country, and even in the nether regions of the world, a lady should be served first. It’s the polite thing to do. It shows respect for the lady. In the South a trus Southerner over the age of 50 would never consider slighting a lady, regardless of her age or position.The shame is that younger persons in the South are not being taught the genteel mannerisms of their seniors and the culture is suffering.
By JT
October 15, 2008 5:42 PM | Link to this
Who cares who’s served first in the restaurant? The food is going to arrive rather simultaneously ANYway. And who amongst us southern gents didn’t grow up in the household where during holidays, the men ate first because the women fixed their plates, and the kids ate last. What’s the point of chivalry in the public and the wife can’t get a glass of water at home? All i’m saying is LIVE IT, whatever you do.
By Napoleon
October 15, 2008 5:59 PM | Link to this
When the Old Pharts die, the “chivalry” nonsense perishes with them. Do us all a favor and croak soon. (right after you vote for McCain and his unqualified skirt.)
By Sam P
October 15, 2008 6:12 PM | Link to this
It’s standard practice at upscale establishments. I used to work at the Atlanta Athletic Club and a local establishment that was mid to upper scale. If I recall each person is assigned a seat number, starting with 6 o’clock being seat 1. Women are circled and to be served first when the meals arrive.
By GA in TX
October 15, 2008 6:32 PM | Link to this
As a 36-year-old Southerner who is as Progressive as they come, I wholeheartedly support this continued practice of common courtesy.
Political and societal notions of equality and parity are not in contradiction with simple manners and etiquette. I was brought up to stand when a woman enters the room, to offer my chair if one is not available, to open doors, etc. Whatever the origins of these behaviors, they are (or at least were) ingrained into Western culture. They are a glimmer of civility in a largely uncivil world.
That said, I will also hold doors for ANYONE behind me. I will always let people into traffic ahead of me, regardless of their gender. I will ALWAYS yield a seat to an elder, regardless of gender. It is simply a matter of politeness.
In a world where civility has been replaced by a “Get mine first” mentality, there are still those of us who try to create some degree of kindness in the world.
By southern girl
October 15, 2008 6:59 PM | Link to this
Yes women should be served first. What would our society be without some type of etiquette? My husband of 25 years still opens the car door and other doors for me, he holds my chair while I sit, and always helps me put my coat on. I love him for taking the time to do these little things for me and showing he still cares. If only more people would have some training in etiquette. I hope the people refuse to go to the restaurant…I imagine Emily Post would have a few words to say!
By catlady
October 15, 2008 7:10 PM | Link to this
Served first to whom? Oh, you don’t mean she is cooked and then served. You mean,should she be waited on first.
By Mike D
October 15, 2008 7:15 PM | Link to this
I would like to end women’s sufferage.
By Lynne
October 15, 2008 7:23 PM | Link to this
I don’t care if I am served first. What drives me crazy is this strange elevator etiquette I’ve noticed. I work in a very large office building in Midtown, and men always allow the women to exit the elevator first. If there are 5 men in the front of the elevator and one woman in the back, they will all move to let the woman off first. It takes more time than if they just got off to begin with!
By Willie G
October 15, 2008 7:46 PM | Link to this
NO. WHY?
By MrsCarter
October 15, 2008 8:19 PM | Link to this
My husband leaves a terrible tip if I’m not served first…
By Leigh
October 17, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this
Ladies first…equal rights should not mean a dissolution of manners and etiquette!
By nan
October 17, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this
Duh! It’s a restaurant. Whichever plate the waiter picks up first should be served first. It really doesn’t matter as long as everyone gets served their food at the same time. That’s too stressing for the waiter
By Nobody
March 16, 2009 9:30 PM | Link to this
It doesn’t even matter really. We will all get served one way or another. If everyone wants to waste time on unnecessary matters then go right ahead.
By Nobody
March 16, 2009 9:30 PM | Link to this
It doesn’t even matter really. We will all get served one way or another. If everyone wants to waste time on unnecessary matters then go right ahead.