By Stan

August 5, 2008 8:58 AM | Link to this

That’s funny. I just imagine you staring at this poor teen making him all paranoid. lol

Everyone has different hygien habits. Some better, some worse, some out and out disgusting. Not using a napkin for a 16 year old boy is pretty normal I’d think. He was probably so worried about minding his P’s and Q’s that the napkin just didn’t click. Or he figured he was doing well by remembering to NOT use his sleeve.

By jennifer

August 5, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

He will feel great when he reads this blog and knows that during the entirety of his visit you were fixated on his napkin usage. Poor kid. At 16 you should be impressed that he didn’t eat with his hands.

By Mike

August 5, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

My mother has some neighbors over for lunch occasionally. In twenty years we’ve never known them to wash their hands. They bring handkerchiefs and are constantly blowing their noses, but brag about how “healthy” they are.

She’s tried offering them paper napkins, and even leaving a box of tissues on the dining table, to no avail. They’re really in the “why do we put up with these people” category by now…

By Jim

August 5, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

It’s sort of funny. My daughters, 16 and 17, have to be constantly reminded to use a napkin.

But, they don’t run around, smoke, drink or do drugs (no, I’m not hiding my head in the sand, I know this for a fact) so I don’t mind having to remind them of this.

Next time, try this-“forget” to place the napkins out. Then, as everyone is seated, suddenly “remember” to get them out. As you hand them out, unfold them slightly, so there is less chance of him pushing it to the side.

Chances are, he’ll get the point.

By ADL

August 5, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

I wouldn’t worry about him. After he reads this blog, he won’t stay with you two anymore. How anal…

By SD

August 5, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this

If it was such a concern to you, to the point of being fixated as you admit to being, why not just come out and say something to the kid. Afterall, nothing you did at that point would have been a surprise to the kid after being studied as he was by the two of you. Perhaps he grew up as a latchkey kid, always eating alone without manners being taught to him daily. To call him out on a blog and not in private speaks volumes. You sound so uptight you couldn’t pull a broomstraw out of your butt with a pickup truck.

By concerned

August 5, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

I agree with SD…..I have an extended cab version…maybe you could use mine to help remove that broomstraw. What a joke!

By bobby

August 5, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this

you and your husband need medication…relax.

By Stan

August 5, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

JB, Don’t worry about the folks being so critical of you for your being a napkin nazi (kidding). I understand that we all fixate on something not really important at times. I’m sure I have habits that some people wouldn’t think socially acceptable, and if I am ever called on it in public or private I am confident enough to know that it really doesn’t make a difference in my life. Sorry I didn’t intend to set the tone of the blog to attack mode. I just got a funny mental image of y’all around your dining room table.

By Krys

August 5, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

A women that helped to raise my husband when he was younger came to stay for the weekend. Unbeknownst to me, she brought a friend with her! And the weekend turned into 10 days!!!! Not only were they messy, they didn’t even clean up. Thank goodness they’re gone, but now my basement smells funny! Better believe my husband owes me BIG TIME!

By Andrea

August 5, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this

Once at a family dinner, I placed several dozen cookies on a cake stand for dessert. Instead of politely taking them one at a time, some young family members loaded up their plates with the cookies, leaving our daughters (the youngest family members in attendance at age 6 and 8) without any dessert. Luckily, there were more cookies in the kitchen that were handed out once everyone was gone.

By Christina

August 5, 2008 2:57 PM | Link to this

My 12-year old son has a friend who used to join us quite often for meals until I just couldn’t put up with the horrible table manners. I stopped inviting him over. Then I explained to my son how proud I was of him for his good table manners and how important it was. Next time the kid showed up at my house to eat, guess what? My son had coached him on his manners. Sometimes it takes someone in your own peer group to point it out. Otherwise you are just “uptight and old-fashioned”.

By Tara

August 5, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

I’m not so much shocked that he didn’t put it in his lap as I am that he didn’t once use it! He is plenty old enough to use a napkin instead of a sleeve or his jeans. (Out of curiosity, did he chew with his mouth open? Slurp or gulp his drink? Talk with food in his mouth? Rush through the meal? These would be far more egregious than the napkin, IMO.) I think you did the right thing not to say anything about it, though. He was a guest, after all. No need to embarrass him over something that may or may not be a big deal in his own home. Of course, the situation is different when it’s your own kid or is something blatant that makes the other diners uncomfortable (such as the above-mentioned behaviors). Then, by all means instruct or give a gentle reminder! I like Jim’s suggestion of handing out the napkins after the meal has begun… very clever!

By Stacey

August 5, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

Unless he was using the edge of the tablecloth as a napkin, I would not have said anything to him about not using his napkin. As others have said, it may not be a big deal in his home.

One hygenie pet peeve that I have is with people who don’t wash their hands. I have to get on to husband about that all of the time because he will come in from outside and go straight to the refrigerator to get a drink. I will ask someone (even another adult) if they will please wash their hands before coming to the table. I think I’m polite about it (If you’ll follow me, I will show you where you can wash you hands before dinner…) but my mother-in-law thinks it’s rude of me. She makes an announcement such as “Dinner will be ready in five minutes so if you like to wash up now, you may.” She says if the person doesn’t take the hint, I should ignore it.

By Fred

August 5, 2008 4:34 PM | Link to this

Once at a dinner party, I watched a guest retrieve filet migon with his bare hands out of serving dish. I assumed it was beacuse he bombed out of his gourd. About the child and the napkin. A gentle reminder or polite request might have been in order. I do tend to agree with other posters that it should not have been a source of fixation. Your time would have been spent better focusing on more pressing issues than a napkin.

By karia

August 5, 2008 7:19 PM | Link to this

I probably wouldn’t have been too concerned about the kid and his napkin. Some kids we’ve had over have had much worse manners than that.

Like one kid, who won’t drink anything but milk, and when you serve it to him, demands that you make it chocolate. (I don’t, unless the other kids are having it, too. My kids usually drink water or tea with meals.) Or his mother, who proves that apples don’t fall far from trees, who came over an hour late to our cookout, then demanded that we put her veggie burger on our grill. It isn’t that she’s a vegetarian. She just doesn’t like the taste of real hamburger. However, she does like hot dogs and we had plenty of those. But no, we had to fire the grill back up to appease her.

I did tell my kids later on that you don’t do that when you’re a guest at someone else’s house—the polite thing is to eat what you’re served.

Of course, she’s the same one who refused to drink out of a styrofoam cup at another party we had, insisting on real ceramic or glass. She never ceases to amaze me.

Most of my sons’ friends have no clue about things such as chewing with their mouth closed, saying please and thank you, not washing hands, peeing all over the floor in the bathroom, not asking to be excused before jumping up from the table, and yes, not using napkins. Out of all of those, the napkins bother me the least.

My biggest pet peeve with houseguests are those who don’t clean up after themselves. I’ve had friends’ kids come over and trash my son’s bedroom and the mom never offers to help them clean up. We always offer to pick up when my kids go play at another person’s house. And my sons are being taught that if they “sprinkle when they tinkle” they’d better wipe it up!

By horrified mom

August 5, 2008 7:58 PM | Link to this

Sprinkles are not so bad. My neighbor’s son clogged the upstairs toilet and neglected to let any adults know that there was a problem. As we rarely use that bathroom, you can imagine the mess a few days later when I noticed a funny smell. It seems he mentioned it to my five year old, who told him to go tell mommy. Needless to say, we’ve had a conversation about when to go and get a grown up no matter who’s house it is.

The same child and his brother are always coming over to our house and heading strait for the pantry to try out the snacks. One of my neighbors told me they even get snacks from her house before they leave with their mother. I agree with the previous poster, these guys may be headed for the “why do we put up with these people” category.

JB - It was not very nice manners to write a blog on your house guest so soon. How will you feel if your friends check out your site and see what you wrote about their son? They will be embarrassed publicly, when you should have mentioned this privately to their son. Maybe you should have encouraged him to set a good example for your son. I am sure you will find a more kind solution to your problem next time.

By Matt

August 5, 2008 8:01 PM | Link to this

You remind me of a Home Ec teacher I once had who made my entire class watch a video that explained how to “properly” hold eating utensils. For heaven’s sake, grow up and realize that this is 2008, not 1960. Propriety at the dinner table is not high on most folks’ priority list, and while the majority of folks do place their napkins in their laps, others don’t. Does it really make that much of a difference if their napkin is in their lap? In my opinion, one of the most rudimentary dinnertime habits. As long as the kid didn’t make a huge mess on the floor (and at 16, I would assume he knew how to eat without doing so), don’t worry about it. Having a napkin in your lap while eating does not make the slightest bit of difference in character or hygiene. I can appreciate the fact that that may be the way things are done in your household, but in my opinion, it is a very trivial thing to worry about, and the kid certainly didn’t deserve to be called out on a public blog! Live and let live.

By JJ

August 5, 2008 9:39 PM | Link to this

I think the most pertinent question is whether the teenager needed a napkin. Many people are capable of eating a meal without making any mess at all, and these individuals simply don’t need a napkin placed in their lap. Maybe we should pay more attention to the way our teenagers treat eachother than how they fold their napkin at the table.

By SC

August 6, 2008 1:11 AM | Link to this

Perhaps Ben’s oblivious neglect of the napkin is only a symptom of a slightly more fundamental issue. As a week-long guest in your house, I’d expect him to honor the table customs of your family. Your notice of his disregard is understandable no matter what some of the paleolithic responders might opine. However, I wouldn’t expect every 16 year old boy to socially aware.

By JJ (someone stole my name)

August 6, 2008 7:51 AM | Link to this

I wouldn’t have a problem with a 16 year old not using a napkin. He is a guest in my house, and I don’t expect him to have the same manners we do. Every household is different. That fact that he was very polite, and minded his Ps & Q’s speaks volumes about how he was raised. No need to dwell on napkin useage.

“Napkin-gate” seems like you were looking for a flaw, found it and fixated on it. Let it go. It’s not that big of a deal.

By me

August 6, 2008 8:16 AM | Link to this

The topic of whether or not a person chooses to use a napkin is the focus of this discussion? Please tell me this is a joke.

By Mommie Dearest

August 6, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Once my child took two cookies instead of the one which is the rule and she had to sit on the porch all night when it was 19 degress and I had my son spray water on her from the hose once an hour to teach her a lesson. She never did that again! Frostbite hurts, ask her first hand. Speaking of hand, she did end up losing one, the other seems fine. Then there was the time my son didn’t say ” Thank-you Mommie Dearest” when I gave him water. He will never do that again. Ask him how a hot iron on his tongue feels next time you see him. To this day all his words sound as if they begin with a ‘P’. If that kid had been a guest at my house, well they’d still be looking for his little body; this is Amercia…. a big country, lot’s of places to hide a body, especially a small one.

By lea

August 6, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

This was a very unkind blog from you. i would never want to be a guest in your uptight house. Poor kid

By FCM

August 6, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

Propriety at the dinner table is not high on most folks’ priority list That is one of the many problems facing us today….when did we stop holding people accountable to back social standards….that swing to the far left (where anything goes) has got to come back toward center where some common ground manners and beliefs should live.

By Becky

August 6, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

Did he make a hugh mess at the table? That would be my first question..If he was polite & well mannered for the rest of the time, this would be the least of my concerns…As others have posted, it shows a lack of manners on your part for having a bog about this..

By Jess

August 6, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this

It depends on the meals…were they messy? Did you serve corn on the cob or ribs? Probably not. Sometimes I place the napkin in my lap, other times not, it just depends on what we are eating. i can usually manage not to get food all over my face and hands…but even if I do, there is a napkin at the ready next to my plate. Not a big deal.

By Tyler

October 28, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

I went to my friend’s house for dinner a few weeks ago and his parents made us tuck a paper napkin in our shirt collars. I am 16 years old. My parents stopped making me do that when I was about 11 or 12. It was a little embarrassing but I did it anyway. The good news is that nothing got on my clothes.