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DEL.ICIO.USDo you come bearing gifts?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I just returned from a New England vacation with my family that included lots of trips to friends we hadn’t seen in a long time. Some visits were just quick hellos while others included a meal or even an overnight stay.
As we hit the road going north towards Vermont, I realized I didn’t have house gifts for friends we were staying with and went scurrying to pick up something. Since we started our trip from the beach in New Jersey I bought saltwater taffy - an unexpected treat for landlocked locations.
By the time we were about to leave Vermont, I remembered I hadn’t gotten anything for people we were dropping by to see on the way back down to the beach. I hurriedly picked up some local maple syrup and jam, trying to stay one step ahead of our stopovers.
All this shopping got me wondering when it’s necessary to bring a gift and when it’s not needed. With friends I dine with frequently I’ll usually bring a bottle of wine or a dessert when invited for dinner, but there are times I walk out the door and realize I’m empty handed and it’s no big deal. I try to avoid getting locked into an endless cycle of having to bring something or thinking of something unique each time you get together. Not only is it exhausting to be that creative - it gets expensive!
Do you come always come bearing gifts or do you discriminate when and where it’s appropriate? What are your favorite ways to show appreciation without going broke?
For another perspective on this question, see The Hostile Host entry in the Social Butterfly blog.
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Comments
By JJ
July 29, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this
If I am going to dinner at a very close friend’s house, I usually pick up a bottle of wine or liquor, or dessert, etc.
The crowd I run with doesn’t expect gifts. We take turns having dinners at each other’s homes. The host cooks the main dish, and everyone brings a side, or salad or dessert.
As for staying with friends, it depends. If I am visiting out of town friends, and staying a night or two, I’ll bring something from my region, that is not readily available in theirs.
By Becky
July 29, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this
I don’t stay with anyone when I go out of town except my sister & yes I usually take her a gift..She lives in VA. & as JJ said, I take her something from here that she can’t get there..As for visiting friends here, it varies on taking a gift..I’m more of the tyoe that if I see something while I’m out & I think it suits someone that I know, I’ll give it at any time..
By Sarah
July 29, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this
If asked to dine at a friends home I always bring a bottle of wine or fresh flowers unless I have agreed to bring something like a dessert. Even then I may add a bottle of wine. If I stay with out of town friends I like to give them something ‘Georgia’ as a gift, something native to this state and something my host cannot buy where they live.
By sharon
July 29, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this
I agree with Becky, I don’t stay with anyone when I go out of town, not even family. I find it less stressful to just stay in a hotel. If a person just purchased their home, I will bring something on my first visit. If I’m invited to a person’s home for a cookout/dinner I will bring the host/hostess something. I don’t know if this fits the subject matter, but I always bear gifts during times of bereavement
By Carol
July 29, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this
When visisting my granddaughter in Georgia,I stay a week.Her mother is a single mom,I feel I should buy food and contribute towards gas(who would not). When I leave I leave my tears and a thank you card with a gift to my granddaughter and her mother.
By mak_atl
July 29, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this
A lot of effort goes into hosting someone in your home for a meal, or still more for an overnight stay. A small token of appreciation (bottle of wine for dinner, art book or small decorative object for a stay) is appropriate. I always send a hand-written thank you note any time someone invites me into their home (drinks, party, dinner, or overnight.) The effort, time, and cost to do this is negligible compared to the effort, time, and cost of the host. (And you’re more likely to get invited back!)