Access Atlanta > Entertainment > Radio Talk > Archives > 2009 > February > 07
Saturday, February 7, 2009
2/9: Conan O’Brien visits Atlanta to promote future “Tonight Show” gig
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The talk show host with the coolest hair on TV ingratiated himself with business associates and staff at WXIA-TV Friday.
Conan O’Brien, current ringleader of “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” and future host of “The Tonight Show,” shook hands and kissed babies Friday afternoon, looking far taller and skinnier than he appears on TV.
Here’s his minispeech he does for the WXIA-TV staff. He got in about an hour late, delayed at the Charlotte airport:
Here’s an edited version of the 14-minute interview in video:
And here’s most of the interview I did in transcription form. He hardly answered any question seriously. Then again, most of the questions were silly. So silly in, funny out:
Is the tone of the show going to be different from your 12:30 a.m. show?
Late night we’ve been doing a lot of comedy and sketches. It’s been very silly. The tone on the Tonight Show will change. There will be serious news and local weather. We’ll talk about crops. Rainfall, production, agricultural production in the American Southwest. More informational.
How do you plan to draw a new audience at 11:30 since the expectations are higher than 12:30?
I think we’re going ot mostly appeal overseas.
The Fins love you!
Yes, the Fins love me. I want to work the Pacific Rim — Tawain North, South Vietnam. We’ll try to get a lot of people watching who haven’t seen the show. I think Guam.
Big market. You have thousands of people there!
These are markets ignored arbitrarily by the narrow-minded American market.
ABOVE: Conan mugs for a WXIA-TV camera while Dave FM’s Mara Davis looks on.
What are you going to do during your break between the end of the “Late Show” and the launch of “The Tonight Show”?
Mostly strength training. I will work on my upper body as if it needed the work. I’m going to expand the chest.
Steroids would definiteily save you time!
But steroids are great but they would shrink the genital area, which I experienced and trust me, no more shrinkage necessary. Let’s get that out on the Web. I want to expand my chest area by as much as eight inches. I want to add a lot of width to the bicep. I want stronger shoulders, those big humps on the shoulder and expand the neck so it moves fluidly into the fat head so it become son tube.
How about pectoral implants?
I’d do that if necessary. But I have no butt. That’s another problem. That’s my one weakness. The ladies notice it all the time. My back goes straight into my thigh. There’s no buttocks whatsoever. We’re thinking of a surgery in April, May which gives me enough time to recover for the start of the Tonight Show on June 1.
Any wishes on guests on your final Feb. 20 show?
I’m tired of guests. They come on and the attention is split. It’s me and the guest. So we’re probably going to go with me. Maybe there’s a technology where I interview me and throw to the band which is Conan O’Brien and the seven Conan O’Briens..
Have you tried that before?
We did and it worked pretty well. These are cost conscious times. General Electric stock not going through the roof so this way you pay one performer.
Are you going to sing a song to yourself, sort of like a Bette Midler tune on a piano?
Yes. We’re going to superimpose my head on Bette Midler’s body which is something I dreamed about when I was 14.
Any clues what the last show will be like?
Have you ever seen an awards show on Nickelodeon. It’s a lot of green goo falling from the ceiling. We’re not going to do that. I’d like the last show to be an homage to how great I am. Pretty much just be a nonstop salute to me. We’re actually working on a song called “Nonstop Salute To Me.”
I’ve heard Max Weinberg is reluctant to move to Los Angeles. Is this true?
We don’t know. Max has been invited. We want him to come. He’s a Jersey guy. He’s made noises about not wanting to leave New Jersey. [He laughs.] I can’t even say that with a straight face. He’s worried about who’s going to get custody of his mullet! Anyway - I’m sure it will be worked out in time. If not, go to Radio Shack. An electronic drumkit costs about $9.99. [He does a drum imitation.]
You can do it yourself!
I may do it myself. I just spit on your lens. I apologize. Even on the Web, that’s not good. Mmm… minty!
Do you feel you’ll have to fight for guests with Jay Leno?
I don’t think so. I’ve talked it over with Jay. Jay will have his guests at 10. I will have mine in 11:30. It’s Los Angeles. There are more celebrities than there ever were with all those reality shows. There used to be 15 celebrities around the world. Now there are 7 celebrities per square mile in America.
So you can just pick them up off the sidewalk.
Yah. I just saw Adrian Brody. I just picked him up in a van on the way to this station in Atlanta. People are everywhere. Shia LeBoeuf met me at the airport. He didn’t even know I was coming. He didn’t know I was coming. He held my bag. There are celebrities everywhere. I’m not worried about that.
Do you think this situation is better than Leno competing against you, say on ABC or Fox?
I never concern myself too much with that. I just always think if they watch me, they watch me. I’m an entity unto myself, a force of nature. I’m a hurricane, roaring towards the coast. I’m a tornado ripping up your house. I’m an earthquake destroying your village. Basically, I’m a terrible terrible thing that causes great loss of life. I’m not that worried about it. I’m glad it worked out on a personal note. I like Jay. We’re friends. I’m glad we get to be at the same network. He’s a great lead in.
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ABOVE: Conan poses with Turner employees Chip and Michael Plesnarski.
What’s a good rumor about yourself you can dispel immediately?
This thing about me being the ultimate lover has been going around and around and around. I’m hearing about it constantly. Oh, Conan, ultimate lover. The whole penis thing. The lower body.
Your wife spreading it?
No she’s denying it. I’m tired of it. I’m a B-plus, A-minus lover. All this A-plus off the charts, I saw stars, he’s a mutant. Stop it. True though it may be rumors hurt.
TMZ is going to ask you next time they see you.
You know it. They have actual footage of me at work.
What do you know about Atlanta? You don’t come here that often.
That’s not true. Atlanta - I’m here all the time. lI had an amazing appletini once. I was sitting at a bar. A waiter comes over with an appletini. It’s from the gentleman at the bar - Charles Barkley. We shared an appletini. Then we moved to a mocha-tini. Before long we were in a horseless carriage going around the park and around and around.
Horseless carriage?
It’s an old term for automobile. You kids don’t know anything, punks with your webcasts. Please let me be on your Web cast. 14 people will see it. Tune in! Press control-alt-delete and it rewinds! What happened to just a plain old interview. You punks. You’re probably going to text your friend, Twitter your friend. He’s all that and a bag of chips. You’re probably watching something on a DVR in your mind while playing some weird videogame. You kids sicken me. All of you!
Which do you prefer: grits or collard greens?
I like grits. I like saying, ‘I want some grits. Or kiss my grits.’ Remember that? From the show “Alice.”
Yes. I’m not that young!
You’re clearly in your late 50s. I like cheddar grits. I like grits with M&Ms in them. Grits mixed with Booberry. That’s amazing. Put molasses on top pf that, put it in the oven for four hours and your house will burn down. I don’t think I’ve said one thing that’s made sense during this webcast. Is this even going to run?
Do you have to dye your hair now?
My entire hair body has been dipped and waxed. It’s all different colors.
You don’t want to do what Jay Leno does and let his hair go white.
That’s not his hair. It’s his actual skull. He’s shaved his skull to look like that. It’s true because I’ve met the man.
What’s considered a bad hair day for Conan O’Brien?
When it gets moisture in the air. Humidity causes it to curl and turn back and it attacks me. Too dry and it fall down. I like a little moisture. It gives me the height and the lift. It gives me the tensile strength of each hair without overdoing it. Not that I’ve given it a lot of thought.
You have given it a lot of thought.
About a .3 percent humidity.
What effect do you think the Los Angeles sun will have on your supple skin?
I think it will catch fire instantly the minute I step out of the car.
How will you shield yourself?
I won’t. I will catch fire. Each monologue will begin with me in flames while a stagehand will put it out with a blanket. The rest of the show will be me slowly recovering.
I’m sure it will smell good.
It will be a good almondy smell.
What Irish stereotype do you most exemplify?
We’re loud boorish people, that we drink a lot and slap each on the back and don’t think before we speak. That’s what I exemplify. And I keep a little pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Have you ever referred to yourself in the third person in interviews?
Yes. I do. I often do. Conan does that from time to time. Conan thinks that’s a cool thing to do. Conan thinks so much about himself that he often talks about Conan.
Like Bob Dole and Prince.
Yes, Bob Dole. Prince. Those two names always go together in an interview. What kind of interview is this? This is either the best interview I’ve ever done or worst!
I’m trying for both.
That’s good, that’s good.
Is there a guest you absolutely hated and am willing to say so on air because you don’t ever want them to be on The Tonight Show?*
I can’t do it. I don’t like spreading the bad karma. But you know, whatever, I’m sure William Defoe will get over it. I just picked him at random. Seems like a nice guy but man he is a bastard. Never interview William Defoe. He’s got a chip on his shoulder.
The masturbating bear. Will he have to finally retire his act at 11:35 p.m.?
I don’t think so. Jay may use him at 10. I think the masturbating bear should be on the Today Show. There’s a big window there with people watching. That’s what he’s into. I think the days of “ooh, in this time slot, you can’t do this.’ We’re on the Internet man. Chill out. I’m naked in this interview. They just pixilated clothes on me.
Ryan Seacrest is from Atlanta. Are you worried he’ll be gunning for your job in 2025?
It hadn’t occurred to me but it’s possible. That guy takes good care of himself. He will never age. He sleeps like 18 hours a day and moisturizes his body constantly. He bathes in moisturizer. I’ve walked into the bathroom and he’s sitting in a big tub of Ponds hand cream. So I think I will age rapidly. That’s my genetic curse. I’m like a cheap junk tree. I will fall apart in five years. You’ll find pieces of me on the floor. Ryan Seacrest is like Benjamin Button. He gets younger. Do you remember when he started American Idol? He was an old baby in a wheelchair. Now he’s this young guy, getting younger and younger. Soon, there will be a five year old Ryan Seacrest running around pretending he likes girls.
What sort of advice do you have for Jimmy Fallon?
Look what I did and do the other thing. I did it the wrong way. It’s God and providence saving my skin. They shouldn’t have my hair like me,. They shouldn’t talk like me. It’s a huge mistake.
A couple more questions.
No. not enough. Quesiton 120. That’s okay. We’ll get to naming all the stars in the solar system.
If you and James Lipton had a love child, what would that look like?
I think it would be a small baby with a weird beard that asks pretentious questions.
Anything you’d like to say to alienate Atlanta?
I’d never do that. I love this town. It’s as fantastic town. I will walk the streets of Atlanta tonight. I just want to meet people. Get close to them and press my body against theirs. My point is- Atlanta nice to see you. God bless. We’re in this together. I don’t’ know what that means. I’ll be walking your fair streets tonight. Look for me!
Thank you.
You are going to use five seconds of that, right?
At least eight seconds maybe.
I hope you can use all that nonsense!
