Access Atlanta > The Newcomer > Archives > 2008 > May > 19 > Entry
How do you know when you fit in?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
One author’s description of a newcomer’s life in Atlanta: “A life sentence of having to sit in traffic and have to drive everywhere, even to grab a cup of coffee or a quick manicure. Of sterile strip malls and no late-night delivery options. Of mindlessly accumulating shiny, unnecessary possessions to fill the empty spaces in our sprawling home…Of still, sweltering summers…no chance of a white Christmas. Of saccharine-sweet, blond, blue-eyed Lilly Pulitzer-wearing, Bunco-playing neighbors with whom I have virtually nothing in common.”
Whew! Someone’s not adjusting so well to her new surroundings!
Maybe you read that line in a story in Sunday’s Arts & Books section about author Emily Giffin, who lives in Brookhaven. She recently published “Love the One You’re With,” which is set partially in Atlanta.
That’s her novel’s fictional narrator talking, not Giffin. But when the lawyer-turned-writer moved here in 2003, “I did have the sense that I don’t belong here…I just didn’t feel like sipping mint juleps or white wine spritzers. But I have different feelings now. That sells Atlanta short and Buckhead short.”
All right, newcomers, and long-time transplants, I’m looking at you: do you fit in here? How do you know?
And if you want to make a city work for you — our city — how do you adjust?
I dearly miss the people and places I’ve left behind, but it’s a lucky accident or a pretty sweet take on destiny that I found a comfortable neighborhood, awesome friends and exciting opportunities here.
Good thing, because I remember that feeling of not fitting in. Dallas, 2004, right out of college. Amazing co-workers, fun assignments, new experiences, absolutely the wrong city. I wanted to love Texas, and instead, just ached for Detroit. I’ve never felt more pride in the the nasal “annnnhhhs” of my Midwestern accent or more loathing for pick-up trucks. I didn’t adjust. I didn’t want to adjust. I just wanted to get out.
Giffin made the point that if her novel’s main character had moved to a different part of Atlanta, “she might have been happier.” Maybe, as Giffin suggests, I just hadn’t found the right place to live. Here, I happened to fall right into it. (And it has yet to involve a white wine spritzer.)
My perspective sold Dallas short, and a very large state, besides. Don’t care. I had six months to fit in, and never did.
Maybe we can adjust to make things work. Maybe sometimes person and place don’t mix. Maybe the optimistic flip-side of that is that we also can find our perfect place, even if it’s flawed and hard to deal with at times.
Let’s have a squishy, feelings-oriented, hand-holding talk, newcomers.
Fitting in. What do you think? How do you make it work?
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Comments
By rkm
May 19, 2008 8:38 AM | Link to this
It is waaaaay past time for high-end blue jean and T-shirt boutiques to start using burglar bars on their doors and windows.
By BPJ
May 19, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this
Most large metro areas have a variety of neighborhoods, so almost anyone can find one that fits them. (Let’s don’t have that ITP/OTP p** contest today, OK folks?)
By rptrcub
May 19, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this
Good gravy. Just accept the fact that you’re at a certain place, try to work with it, and if it doesn’t work out after a year or two, strategize a way to leave. Places don’t have to cater to you.
By Shawty
May 19, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this
*If you truly want to fit in here in Atlanta, you need to learn how to speak the local language and practice the local customs. Here is a quick tutorial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eXNClwV5AM
By crawdaddy
May 19, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this
Welcome to Atlanta, Remember that most of the people that you meet will not be from Ga. Please do not generalize. there are all types in the ATL. Also, I think for newcomers, be careful of who you first meet because there are a lot of scammers and overall bad people that will want to be your friend so they can screw you over when they get their chance. Also, be aware of your surroundings. Places can change real quick, you can find yourself in a bad situation without even realizing it. Learn an alternate route. Every place in Atlanta has three different ways to get there, learn them all. Stay off the highways during rush hours. You are better off just waiting for things to clear. You get home about the same time, without all of the stress. If you are in the far left lane of the interstate, be sure to drive as fast as possible, the drivers here do not fool around. Enjoy the local establishments, avoid the chains. Georgia is a nice place just give it a little time.
By bronxchic
May 19, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this
Well I’m a newcomer to ATL. And I am really trying to fit in here. I am realllllly trying. Just having to drive everywhere is darn right crazy. If you dive on the interstates its like the Indy 500,The trains need to be revamped, the roads need to be resurfaced, late nights stores and restaurants could use some uplifing and PEOPLE here need to be friendlier. But I’ve had good luck with obtaining a great job and my children are in an excellent school district. Thank you ATL!!!!
By PS
May 19, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this
What is wrong with blond hair and Blue eyes?
By Amy in the ATL
May 19, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this
I’m a native Atlantan, so I can’t really add much to the how to fit in discussion. But I do take exception to Emily Giffin’s commentary on Atlanta. First of all, I like intown, and I don’t know ANYONE who would be caught dead in Lilly Pulitzer. I also don’t know anyone under 65 who drinks mint juleps or wine spritzers on a regular basis. I think Ms. Giffin might actually want to meet some of her neighbors before she writes about them.
But as far as adjusting to a new locale, I have moved around a bit, and it seems like the folks with an open attitude do much better, regardless of where they are moving.
By Tiffany
May 19, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this
Moving here almost 5 years ago from NYC, I had no idea what to expect. The people here are nice enough, it’s a beautiful city with tons to do and suprisingly I feel safer on Marta than I do on NYC transit(go figure) Dating is a different story. If the men here arent gay then they are playing for both sides—if they arent married, then they have a girlfriend whom they accidentially “forgot” to mention. LOL. Dating and the nite life here is different to say the least but I think it just takes some adjusting to as it would in any city…
By Amy in the ATL
May 19, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this
And one other thing on Ms. Giffin: most Southerners have never even heard of bunco, let alone play it. I first learned about it from friends of mine who had moved down from the Midwest.
By BPJ
May 19, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this
True. I grew up in Buckhead (back when it was a much smaller area, and I have never seen anyone play bunco, nor do I know anyone who plays bunco.
By MLM
May 19, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this
If you have to drive to get coffee you live in the wrong neighborhood.
By Jen
May 19, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this
Well…first I had to figure out what I REALLY wanted in a place to live. When I first moved the the Alanta Metro area I decided I really wanted my own house…my first house. And I wanted it in an area with good schools and convenient to work. And that’s what I got near the Mall of Georgia. For a while.
Then I changed jobs and my new job was near downtown where as the old one was in Duluth.
My spouse was still working towards Athens so we stayed near the Mall of Georgia. But, it stopped being what we wanted.
For one, we were only there at night and on the weekends. The weekends were busy taking care of the house and yard. So, we never really got a chance to know anyone but one neighbor. Perhaps that would have changed once our son started school but…the thought of having to juggle strict schools schedules with long commutes just made us tired.
In the meantime, my spouse found a job near downtown, too.
So, we sold our nice big house near the Mall of Georgia and moved to a neighborhood not far from downtown.
We’ve been here 2 years and we’ve finally found what we REALLY like.
Living in a situation where we and most of the people we know don’t have crazy long commutes means we all get home earlier, we all have more time for recreation and therefore we all have got to know our neighbor.
So, now I live in a tiny house with almost no land. In fact, I turned what lawn I had into a garden so I wouldn’t have to mow. When I get home from work there are still hours before dark so I putter around in the yard and talk to neighbors who walk by on their way to the park or to the store or to a restaurant.
I bike to work now and have lost 30lbs.
So, for us to fit in it was all about maximizing our time by minimizing our commutes. Since we’ve done that we’ve felt like Atlanta is home.
By PBR
May 19, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this
Ummm, I hate to tear down anyone’s stereotypes, bu no one actually drinks mint juleps.
By Blondie
May 19, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this
I get compliments on my blonde hair and blue eyes all the time. I guess it’s a good thing I’m already taken, since Ms. Griffin thinks there is something wrong with my look.
By Constance
May 19, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this
I agree with the poster who said you have to work with the place you live, and if you don’t like it, strategize a way to leave. Moving around the country (and the world) is much easier than people give it credit for. There’s no reason for a person to stay in a place they don’t like, besides a general lack of creativity. Then again, it’s creativity that makes you enjoy a place - ANY place. And a lack thereof will just make you miserable, no matter where you are. That’s not to say that some places aren’t a better fit than others; that’s undoubtably true. But no one can trap an adult in any one location, which is why endless complaining about where one lives gets a bit tiresome.
By DeKalb Voter
May 19, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this
We moved here from Austin, Texas almost thirteen years ago and we had some adjusting to do when we first arrived. The traffic we kind of expected, we managed to live with it and do what others do, get a book on compact disc or find a good radio station and deal with it. It was the lack of outdoor activities and parks that took us by surprise. We were use to miles and miles of walking trails and the water and all the outdoor fun we had in Austin. We’ve found some of that here, just not as much and you have to seek it out. We’ve settled into a fantastic mid-century contemporary neighborhood and we’ve grown to really like the area we live in and our neighbors. We’ll probably retire back to Austin someday but we’re making it fine for now.
By DeKalb Voter
May 19, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this
We moved here from Austin, Texas almost thirteen years ago and we had some adjusting to do when we first arrived. The traffic we kind of expected, we managed to live with it and do what others do, get a book on compact disc or find a good radio station and deal with it. It was the lack of outdoor activities and parks that took us by surprise. We were use to miles and miles of walking trails and the water and all the outdoor fun we had in Austin. We’ve found some of that here, just not as much and you have to seek it out. We’ve settled into a fantastic mid-century contemporary neighborhood and we’ve grown to really like the area we live in and our neighbors. We’ll probably retire back to Austin someday but we’re making it fine for now.
By jgumbrecht_0508aa
May 19, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this
Have to appreciate that the author was writing from the perspective of a character that wasn’t comfortable here; when that happens, we tend to only see the things we don’t like. And yet…I get hung up on the mint julep thing, too. I’ve never seen anybody drinking them outside a Kentucky Derby celebration. In fact, I think they ought only be sipped on that first Saturday in May. Speaking strictly of taste — ugh — I don’t know why you’d waste good bourbon.
By Tom E.
May 19, 2008 10:28 PM | Link to this
Although I’ve been gone for nearly a decade, I still love Atlanta. It has a wonderful combination of bravado and insecurity that I’ve always found charming, sometimes in a weird sort of way. My favorite line: “If Atlanta could suck as hard as it can blow, it would be on the coast.”
And you’re right, Jamie. Mint juleps are a waste of good bourbon.