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Friday, September 28, 2007
Where have all the Sean Connerys gone?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dear Mr. Smithee,
Where have all the Real Men in movies gone?
I’m talking about guys like John Wayne, Kirk Douglas, Clint Eastwood (OK, let’s pretend “Bridges of Madison County” was never made) and Charlton Heston.
I don’t want to hear James Bond. He’s too smooth with the ladies. Actors today are wimps!
MIKE ANDERSON, Royal Palm Beach, Fla.
Dear When You Eat Meat, It Must Moo,
In days of yore, Grandpa Smithee had a vasectomy and, for whatever reason I have yet to fathom, decided to have it done without anesthesia.
I suppose that’s what you’re talking about. Grit one’s teeth and, in the words of another wise American, git ‘er done.
Just wondering, Mike, but where were you when “300” played in every theater on the planet? That movie had tons of over-abbed guys strutting around and knocking heads.
Russell Crowe is still amongst us in “3:10 to Yuma.” Tommy Lee Jones is in “In the Valley of Elah.” And surely Jason Statham is lurking around some opening weekend corner. You still have Kurt Russell. Maybe even Vince Vaughn. And, certainly, that big ape in Peter Jackson’s “King Kong” (the Real Man in that movie certainly was not Adrien Brody).
Plus, there’s always Denzel Washington. And get ready, Mike, because come Nov. 2 Mr. Washington will butt heads with Mr. Crowe in “American Gangster.”
But I do also feel your pain. And I know where to place the blame.
- A popular film. “The Revenge of the Nerds.”
Sorry to be the one to break it to you, pal, but the meek have already inherited the Earth. Geek is in. Geek is in control. The computer crowd has taken over.
They marched forward with their pocket protectors and now control the planet. Bill Gates is just one of them.
They control the summer box office. They watch horror films all year long.
This, ultimately, is why an underwear-wearing, bad-beat singing Marky Mark can emerge as Mark Wahlberg. It is why Mark Hamill was George Lucas’ vision of Luke Skywalker. It is why Shia LaBeouf is now Hollywood’s newest rising star.
It’s Shia who now gets the girl. And you better accept it.
Take my advice. Just keep chanting to yourself, “I’m a lumberjack, and I’m OK.”
ALAN
P.S. You get a “Heartbreak Kid” pillow bearing the face of Ben Stiller (I am not making this up) and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Dear Mr. Smithee,
“Con game” movies may be my favorite genre.
Some of the ones I enjoy most are “Matchstick Men,” “House of Games,” “The Spanish Prisoner,” “The Sting” and the first “Oceans” movie.
I, like many others, think you are a guru in all things movie-related and would enjoy seeing your top 10 con-game movies.
MARK AMUDEO, Smyrna
Dear Mr. Soze,
Sorry, but the bouncy “The Sting” won’t make my list. And my list, instead of strictly following a specific con, involves the art of the con and those who dwell in it.
1. “The Usual Suspects” (1995) - This was my once-wee son Cecil B.’s favorite movie when he was 12. Smart kid.
*2. “The Grifters” *(1990) - The ending is particularly awesome.
3. “Vertigo” (1958) - It might not be a traditional con movie, but the psychological power it wields is amazing.
4. “Nine Queens” (2000) - Classic con carried out in classic fashion.
5. “Wag the Dog” (1997) - This is what politics is all about. Very funny.
6. “House of Games” (1987) - Mysterious, complicated and all David Mamet.
7. “The Lady Eve” (1941) - Smart comedy. And I love cards.
8. “Six Degrees of Separation” (1993) - Our first proof that Will Smith is an excellent actor.
9. “Catch Me If You Can” (2002) - I just like it. And I’m generally not that big a fan of Leonardo DiCaprio.
10. “Paper Moon” (1973) - A lot better than the book - and the hillside confrontation scene between Trixie Delight (Madeline Kahn) and Addie (Tatum O’Neal) is dynamite.
ALAN
P.S. You get an “Ocean’s Thirteen” T-shirt and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
HAVE A QUESTION FOR MR. SMITHEE?
E-mail him at alansmithee@ajc.com or go to accessAtlanta.com and click on Movies. Please include your name, city and daytime phone number. Mr. Smithee can’t reply to every request, but inquiries chosen for publication will receive movie-related prizes.
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Tyler Perry unleashes ‘Why Did I Get Married?’
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Tyler Perry’s new comedy/drama “Why Did I Get Married?” might require a warning label: Prolonged audience laughter can cause moviegoers to miss some dialogue.
That’s a problem many Hollywood-made comedies only wish they had.
“Married,” filmed partially in Atlanta and opening in theaters nationwide Oct. 12, had its first of several advance screenings here Thursday night. Perry introduced the film and, in his best Madea voice, cracked wise at a couple of standing audience members: “Sit down, sit down! The show’s gettin’ ready to start! Sit down, sit down!”
The film, rated PG-13 and starring Perry, Janet Jackson, Malik Yoba, Sharon Leal and Jill Scott, is based on Perry’s stage play of the same name. It’s a boisterous look at the institution of marriage centering on four couples at a snow-covered mountain retreat. Their secrets, lies, cutting quips and psychological pain flow in emotional tidal waves.
Thursday night’s audience, many decidedly pro-Perry fans, often erupted in raucous laughter. Several threw their hands into the air amid audience screams upon hearing some of the film’s many shocking verbal revelations.
Here’s what moviegoers will likely be talking about once “Married” opens in theaters:
Tasha Smith: As sassy, brassy Angela, the character in everybody’s face and business, she steals every scene she’s in. Few should be surprised. Smith was the most powerful force in “ATL” where she played the cantankerous mother of rollerskating girls.
The dinner: The film’s centerpiece, with the main cast seated at a large dining table, is a meal where the final course is an eruption of dramatic and comedic tell-all-secrets. Nearly every character is hit with a verbal bombshell.
The female drama: Jackson and Scott each have important, prolonged scenes where their characters’ emotionally break down into heaps of grief.
“80-20”: In real-life commerce it means 80 percent of one’s business comes from 20 percent of the clients. In Perry’s “Married,” the principle is applied to adultery and a marital breakup with the perpetrator unwittingly losing more to gain less.
The tracking shot: This cinematic feat is becoming a Perry trademark in his films. In “Married,” Perry and Leal conduct a heated discussion involving their married characters while the camera follows them through various rooms of their stylish home.
The real-life issues: “Marriage” delves into adultery, obesity, verbal cruelty, loss of a child, dealing with ex-spouses and sexually transmitted diseases. But it also explores prayer, forgiveness, personal power and recovery.
The jokes: They come fast and furious. And at least one would give singer Al Green a jarring mental flashback. That’s because amid one barrage of quips at a group breakfast, one male character warns another: “You better handle that. She’s cookin’ grits.”
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