Access Atlanta > Movies > Blog > Archives > 2007 > February > 09 > Entry
What Oscar needs is a touch of ‘Smackdown’
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dear Mr. Smithee,
The Golden Globes telecast gives awards to both TV shows and movies in the same amount of time (or less) as the Oscars. What do you think about the length of the Oscar telecast? What could be done about it?
KATHARINE GILSTRAP, Warner Robins
Dear Party Pooper,
First, we should stress the need for full disclosure.
The Golden Globes bestow 26 honors, including the long-winded Cecil B. DeMille award so that Warren Beatty can natter on about nothing of any importance.
The Oscars this year will bestow 26 honors, including an honorary Oscar and the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award, which requires a rather lengthy explanation as to why we sitting at home should care when we clearly will not. Plus, some lucky B-list star with a new movie to plug will be allowed to come forward to announce - to no one listening - the many winners of the untelevised awards in science, engineering and technology.
That’s when you, Katharine, will learn of the very deserved honor for Peter Litwinowicz and Pierre Jasmin for “the design and development of the RE: Vision Effects family of software tools for optical flow-based image manipulation.”
Honestly, I can’t imagine how we’ve survived any summer film seasons without it.
The Golden Globes show is usually three hours. The Oscars, on the other hand, are required to continue until the last American has finally dozed off.
I don’t think the length of the show is the problem. It’s the content, especially this year when the expected winners are so expected it’s hard not to imagine the last American dozing off somewhere around the time of best cinematography.
Now, the AJC Channel Serf (a nice young woman who lately refers to me in public as “Little Mr. Sunshine”) has promised to divulge her own thoughts as television critic on the subject in the Sunday Arts & Books section on Oscar day, Feb. 25.
I, however, cannot wait that long.
The Oscar show should take a hint from its own movies - like “Glengarry Glen Ross.”
“We’re adding a little something to this month’s sales contest,” Ellen DeGeneres might say. “As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize?
“Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is, you’re fired.”
We could then dispense with all the pretense of “it’s an honor just to be nominated,” drop the idiotic veil of civility and get down to what Hollywood really is at its most watchable - a free-for-all wrestling mud pit of human depravity, bloated egos and self-worship.
ALAN
.P.S. You get a “Because I Said So” apron and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Dear Mr. Smithee,
Due to the colossal emptiness of the Hollywood creativity department, I am now addicted to renting movies from online (i.e., Netflix) because there are so many terrific films from Europe, Asia and other countries both old and new that most Americans never even hear about. What movies are some of your personal favorites from the other side of our world?
SCOTT FORESTER, Marietta
Dear Snob,
Of course, there are the myriad of films I mention fairly often - “Seven Samurai,” “Fanny and Alexander,” “The 400 Blows,” “La Dolce Vita.”
But looking just a little deeper, I have found solace in these in recent times: Akira Kurosawa’s “High and Low,” Christoffer Boe’s “Reconstruction,” Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck’s “The Lives of Others” (which finally arrives in Atlanta on March 2), Hirokazu Koreeda’s “Nobody Knows,” Yoji Yamada’s “Twilight Samurai,” Vittorio de Sica’s “Umberto D,” Lars von Trier’s “The Element of Crime” and Nimrod Antal’s “Kontroll.”
That’s a good start.
ALAN
P.S. You get a “Children of Men” T-shirt and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Dear Mr. Smithee,
Your column on Friday is about the best thing in the paper anymore. I’ve noticed, however, that Jordy “Ray” Purlky seems to miss more Fridays than he’s in there, and always for frivolous reasons. Why does he get more time off than you?
DONNA SPRINKLE, Woodstock
Dear Observant,
When I was a child, I talked like a child, and I thought like a child.
Master Purlky, dare we say, is unaware of grown-up ways.
ALAN
P.S. You get a “Smokin’ Aces” T-shirt and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
HAVE A QUESTION FOR MR. SMITHEE?
E-mail him at alansmithee@ajc.com or go to accessAtlanta.com and click on Movies. Please include your name, city and daytime phone number. Mr. Smithee can’t reply to every request but inquiries chosen for publication will receive movie-related prizes.
Permalink | Comments (2) | Categories: Alan Smithee
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By war eagle
February 9, 2007 12:10 PM | Link to this
The Oscars need to get body slammed for all the wind they blow. To me, it’s just three hours of ET and everyone thanking themselves-kind of like a Democratic congress. I’d rather they show this on Pay tv and put on the regular shows. Perhaps having DX, Steve Austin and the Undertaker show up and give them “stunners” would put some life into the “Blow your own Horn” show.
By marilyn
February 10, 2007 5:08 PM | Link to this
why are some vhs/dvd’s remain so exspensive even though they are several years old? ex: “Becket” with richard burton and peter o’toole.i would love to have it but not at 100.00+!