Access Atlanta > Movies > Blog > Archives > 2005 > December > 16 > Entry
Sorry, John-Boy, but you’re not on my Christmas list
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dear Mr. Smithee,
At the risk of hurting your feelings, I’ve either been dreaming about you (shudder) or you had too much of “Papa’s recipe” when you made out your recent top 10 Christmas films. I am almost positive that not too long ago you acclaimed “The Homecoming,” the TV pilot for “The Waltons” starring the incomparable Patricia Neal, as a personal favorite.
It’s certainly a traditional viewing event at our house at Christmas. (I recorded it with my VCR from a special broadcast several years ago.)
For this gem not to have made your top 10 list, much less your honorable mentions, was a real surprise. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet I wouldn’t be more surprised.”
Was this a forgivable oversight? Awaiting your cold shoulder.
Lee A. Shiver, Jasper
Dear Mr. Stickler,
Consistency is for parents and presidents, certainly not for film provocateurs.
But let us examine the facts.
On May 7 of this very year I did list “The Homecoming” as being “among my favorite TV movies and miniseries.”
On Dec. 9 of this very year I provided the throngs of the faithful with a list of “the best movies” dealing in some way with Christmas.
Might I boldly ask: In what dictionary do “best” and “favorite” match up?
Now, call me a snob if you want (though I can’t fathom how), but I do lean toward preferring big-screen movies over made-for-TV movies.
That’s why on my list of all-time best Christmas movies, there is only one TV program - “A Christmas Memory” - that made my top 10 list.
I also don’t consider it a TV movie seeing as how it is an hourlong or so episode from the series “ABC Stage 67.” Thus, it could not be mentioned in the earlier column which was specifically about TV movies.
The only other TV fare I mentioned as “others I appreciate” involved “Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol,” which, dare I say, lasted 53 minutes.
So, you see, no TV movies. Trust me, while I admire the 100-minute-long “The Homecoming” and, especially, Patricia Neal, I do like “A Christmas Memory” and “Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol” more.
And don’t worry. While I’m sure your letter must now be causing you great embarrassment, my feelings regarding your attempt at character assassination remain unaffected.
There is someone greater than you or I who knows who’s been bad and who’s been good.
Alan
P.S. You get a ladies’ shirt for “Rumor Has It …” and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Dear Mr. Smithee,
Your top 10 Christmas films left an awful lot to be desired. Are you really clueless enough to pick the soulless, flashy “White Christmas” over its infinitely superior predecessor “Holiday Inn”? (I know “Holiday Inn” isn’t specifically a Christmas film, but the debut of “White Christmas” alone should secure its place as the premiere yuletide musical).
Omitting the Alastair Sim “Scrooge” just added insult to injury. Poor choices indeed.
Robert Pope, Atlanta
Dear Santa’s Helper,
I must - as I am sure your ultimate intent is to extend an invitation - send my regrets at not being able to attend yuletide festivities at your marvelous home this year.
My sense is you’ve lost the ability to party.
Why hear Irving Berlin’s song “White Christmas” once when one can enjoy it twice in just one movie?
Soulless? Trashy? Sign me up. I’m ready to sing, “Snow … snow … snow … snow … snow.”
As for your other complaint, I am a big believer that people have the privilege and right to appreciate whichever version of “A Christmas Carol” they have a mind to.
So God bless us each and every one. You too, Robert.
Alan
P.S. You get a “Madagascar” stuffed animal and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Dear Mr. Smithee,
As regards the subject of teenage suicide (in a recent column) how could you leave out “Ordinary People”?
Red Hood, Duluth
Dear Touchy-Feely,
Believe me, it was easy.
Alan
P.S. You get a “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” hat and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Have a question for Mr. Smithee?
E-mail him at alansmithee@ajc.com or go to accessAtlanta.com and click on Movies. Please include your name, city and daytime phone number. Mr. Smithee can’t reply to every request, but inquiries chosen for publication will receive movie-related prizes.
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