Access Atlanta > Movies > Blog > Archives > 2005 > October > 28 > Entry
Would you like fries with that movie remake?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dear Mr. Smithee,
There seems to be a rash of remakes of hit movies these days. Some are equal to the original. Most are a waste of money and talent. With that, three questions come to mind:
What has been the best remake to date?
Was there a remake that surpassed the original?
What movie would you like to see remade?
Greg Ware, Atlanta
Dear Extreme Makeover: Movie Edition,
It is no rash, sir. It is a pandemic.
Hollywood is a nest of ridiculously overpaid pinheads who don’t really love movies. They love money. And they simply cannot stand risk.
So, like McDonald’s, they make prepackaged, safe, filling (but not necessarily healthy) products and sell them to you with a smile.
Do you know anyone who, while on a road trip, would select an unknown mom and pop cafe over Cracker Barrel?
Not that Cracker Barrel is bad. Everybody can use a little biscuit and gravy from time to time. But it is simply not the best prepared, most delicious, most mouth-exploding food anyone has ever eaten.
It’s just like that in the movie biz. Remakes are known entities.
They say, “Planet of the Apes.” You say, “Hey, that was a fun movie. And, look, Marge, this new one will be directed by Tim Burton. This should be wild.” Well, it wasn’t. It was dreck.
So they say, “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” And you say, “Hey, ‘Willy Wonka’ was a fun movie. And, look, Marge, this new one will be directed by Tim Burton. He used to make inventive movies. This should be wild.”
But … I digress.
The answers to your queries might seem simple enough to come up with, but the whole issue is complex.
You know, it depends on my mood.
I can think of several great remakes. “The Wizard of Oz” (1939; there were multiple earlier versions, including a 1921 silent film) is likely the best.
I am also a huge fan of “The Magnificent Seven” (1960). It’s an excellent remake, although it pales next to Akira Kurosawa’s original “Seven Samurai” (1954). And Kurosawa’s stupendous “Ran” (1985) is a great reimagining of multiple earlier versions of “King Lear.”
I immensely prefer Robert De Niro’s “Cape Fear” (1991) to Robert Mitchum’s (1962). Franco Zeffirelli’s “Romeo and Juliet” (1968) is superior to the 1936 version (besides, Leslie Howard’s namby-pamby acting has always nauseated me). Al Pacino’s over-the-top “Scarface” (1983) is lots more fun than the 1932 version. David Cronenberg’s “The Fly” (1986) was much better - and had much more ick - than the 1958 original.
And I can say with the utmost confidence that Steven Soderbergh’s “Ocean’s Eleven” (2001), which I don’t care too much for, far exceeds the Rat Pack original (1960). The latter may have moments that ring-a-ding, but it’s a complete bore.
- Why would I want to see a movie remade?
I will accept that I will see Peter Jackson’s “King Kong” in December because, after “The Lord of the Rings” movies, I trust the dear soul to do a respectable job.
And after having seen Mel Brooks’ musical version of “The Producers” onstage, I believe he has the goods to adequately remake his own original, 1968 nonmusical movie.
But do I want to see a movie made over?
The odds are against it being a sound move.
If you doubt me, go rent Neil Diamond’s “The Jazz Singer” (1980).
Alan
P.S. You get a “Lilo and Stitch 2” ukulele and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Dear Mr. Smithee,
Can you tell me if Boris Kodjoe actually sang in “The Gospel”?
Also, what did you think of this film? I was surprised that it actually had a story line. I thought it would be a lot of shouting and whatnot.
Latasha Gilmore, Marietta
Dear Sing-Along,
Though Boris Kodjoe can sing, his songs in “The Gospel” were sung by the artist known as Greg Kirkland.
I am not a huge fan of all of “The Gospel” (I do like Yolanda Adams’ song “Victory”), but I am thrilled that many people who simply stopped going to the movies have returned to see this special film.
And “The Gospel” has had impact. It was the No. 1 movie in metro Atlanta for two recent weeks.
Alan
P.S. You get a “The Warriors” T-shirt and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Have a question for Mr. Smithee?
E-mail him at alansmithee@ajc.com or go to accessAtlanta.com and click on Movies. Please include your name, city and daytime phone number. Mr. Smithee can’t reply to every request, but inquiries chosen for publication will receive movie-related prizes.
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