Access Atlanta > Movies > Blog > Archives > 2005 > July > 22 > Entry
When did Willy Wonka get all weird and spooky?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
This is LaDonna Potter, and I am writing about the horrible, sexist movie “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.”
Now, I was all excited about taking my son, Cal, to see this, because when I was a little girl I just LOVED the “Willy Wonka” movie. That song “The Candy Man” was one of my all-time favorite songs, along with that “Sing, Sing a Song” song by the Carpenters. (I just wish somebody would of made Karen EAT something!!!) They are the kind of songs that are so good they get stuck in your head for days!!!
Well, there are songs in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” which I am going to call “CATCF” from here on out because that is a lonnnng title to type, especially with nails like mine!!!! :-) But you won’t be humming any of these songs.
They’re sung by the little dwarfy Oompa Loompas who are all played by an actor called Deep Roy who has the face of a Child molester, I am serious!
But he is not half as spooky as Willy Wonka, played by Johnny Depp, who is nowhere near as charming as Sammy Davis Jr. was in the old movie. [Editor’s note: Gene Wilder played the original Willy Wonka; Sammy Davis Jr. recorded the song “The Candy Man” and did not appear in the movie.]
[LaDonna’s note: Oops!]
Well, I guess I had ought to tell the story: Willy Wonka is a famous candy Inventor, only nobody has been inside his Factory for 15 years. But then he announces there are five Golden Tickets hid in his candy bars and the people that find them will win a tour of his Factory.
Four horrible children find the tickets — a German fatty named Augustus, a spoiled rich girl named Veruca from England, Mike from Colorado who plays Video-Games all day, and a martial arts expert named Violet who chews gum nonstop and comes from Atlanta!!! (Go Atlanta!)
The fifth ticket is found by Charlie, played by Freddie Highmore, whose mother coughed herself to death in “Finding Neverland.”
Charlie is a wonderful boy that lives with his parents and grandparents in a shack. He’s got gorgeous manners. When he gets a candy bar, he tells his family, “We’ll share it.” When somebody wants to buy his Golden Ticket for $500, he tells his folks, “We need the money more than we need the chocolate.” He is so perfect he is almost like that little robot boy in “A.I.,” only you can throw him in the water and he won’t short-circuit.
But one of his grandmas tells him, “Nothing’s impossible, Charlie.” And that is a crazy and dangerous thing to tell a Child. What if Cal heard that and decided to climb up on the roof of the garage and try to fly? Luckily this grandmother has Alzheimer’s, so Charlie knows better than to listen to her.
OK, so where was I? Oh, yeah: Charlie goes to the Factory with the four kids, who all get picked off one-by-one for being brats. (That is NOT a spoiler, because anybody who saw “Willy Wonka” already KNOWS that.)
I would tell you about Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka, but he’s all pale and freaky and says things like, “Don’t touch that squirrel’s nuts, it’ll make him crazy.” I am serious!!! I don’t even want to talk about him.
But Cal had a blast watching the movie. And that’s OK, I guess. Except for one thing. In the Wonka Factory there’s like a million Oompa Loompas, all boys — even the one that cuts Willy’s hair, which explains why it is such an awful, unflattering pageboy. If Willy came to my Salon, I would give him a nice, normal cut like that sexy Mike Delfino on “Desperate Housewives.” :-O
Finally, near the end, we DO see some girl Oompa Loompas. But while all the boy Oompa Loompas get to sail boats and make candy and shoot off fireworks, guess what the ladies do? They TYPE. They’re SECRETARIES, that’s what!!!
So on the drive back home, I told Cal not to pay attention to that sexist movie. I told him that women can be Doctors, Lawyers, even Astronauts and Presidents. That’s when he blinked his beautiful, 7-year-old eyes at me and said, “Yeah, and Daddy says they’re also good for [intimate relations].”
I almost wrecked. You know what? I don’t care WHAT that family-court judge said. Letting my son stay with Ray two weekends a month is two weekends too many — am I right?
Permalink | Comments (3) | Categories: The 'B' Movie King
Comments
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By Imani
July 28, 2005 2:08 PM | Link to this
Actually, Kim, I think that Ms. Potter’s reviews are funny. Talking about her son and what he says, to me, is humorous. I think she got this job for a reason and she doesn’t need people like you who WISH that had a job like her. Ms. Potter knows what she’s doing and she’s capable of whatever she wants so back-off.
By Tim
July 28, 2005 2:45 PM | Link to this
To paraphrase Ms Kimballs post…far be it from me to interfere with someone’s right not to have a sense of humor. Go easy on her, since she obviously has never bothered to read either LaD or JRay’s reviews before. If she had, she’d know where this stuff comes from. Lighten up!
By Tina Kimball
August 3, 2005 12:37 PM | Link to this
Hmm…Lighten up and back off. Don’t you think a critic should be able to handle a little criticism?
Not to mention I didn’t criticize her humor, I criticized her grammar. I criticized her tasteless comments. I criticized the structure of her entire review. I criticized because I read this article in a newspaper that I previously thought did not let this sort of filth grace my breakfast table.
I want a professional movie review. Not a tiff between two divorcees.
And I’m not saying that movie reviews shouldn’t have humor. I believe it is essential. But not humor that interrupts the review and debases others at it’s expense.
After reading this article I was shocked. So I went back and read all the articles I could get my hands on by Mrs. Potter and Mr. Purlky. I saw no improvement what so ever. That is when I wrote this.
My point is, I don’t care where this stuff comes from. I’m not here to read about their dirty laundry. And as far as I can tell, that’s all I’m reading.
So, I DON’T think there’s a reason she has this job, and I DON’T think she knows what she’s doing.
So please, get off your damn soap box about how she’s so victimized by me and I do it just because I envy her so bad. Before you try do dissect my psychosis, turn off you’re computer and have a good look at yours.