Access Atlanta > Movies > Blog > Archives > 2005 > June > 03 > Entry
Some late-night movies just aren’t worth remembering
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dear Mr. Smithee,
Yo, do you only answer cupcake questions? I mean, some of the ones you answer are so damned easy so I shall give ya a tough one …
When I was a kid, I saw a movie on the “all night station” where the basic plot was a trial to determine if the Earth should be destroyed for its sins. On one side was the devil and an angel on the other. I am talking an old movie here, almost certainly in black and white. Got any idea?
P. Carlton Knoll, Macon
Dear P. Diddy,
Yo, gangsta. Like I’m feelin’ you wit the grade school rep ‘cause most folks don’t know from nuthin’. So, like, check this out, P.
It would be 1957. The limp “The Story of Mankind.” Vincent Price is the devil. Ronald Colman plays The Spirit of Man and speaks on behalf of you, me and all the other planetary bros.
The director was Irwin Allen, who, after he made this “Gigli” contender, later on made more garbage like “The Poseidon Adventure” and “The Towering Inferno.”
So there you go, P. You ask, you get. And the movie is in color, not black and white.
Now, be gone with you. You’re boring me.
Alan
P.S. You get a “Batman Begins” paperweight and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Dear Mr. Smithee,
I was wondering how you feel about Hayden Christensen’s acting in “Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith.” Personally, I felt that in the early “Star Wars,” Hayden seemed stiff and without expression. I thought that his acting improved immensely from his earlier appearances.
Thank you for such a stimulating and engaging commentary every Friday. I look forward to your opinions.
Bekky Strom, age 14, McDonough
Dear Girlfriend,
You can ask all you want about Mr. Christensen’s ability to perform as a thespian. But I suspect, dear Bekky, that what you really want to know is whether Hayden is as dreamy in person as you find him to be on-screen.
Shhh. It’s OK. Your secret is safe with me.
I would say that no matter how much Hayden Christensen protests against any negative commentary toward George Lucas (and, trust me, he does), his “Star Wars” director is so ill-equipped to inspire actors that the results on-screen are likely less than of what Hayden is capable.
Exhibit A - “Life as a House,” the 2001 drama in which Christensen outacted the very talented Kevin Kline.
Exhibit B - “Shattered Glass,” the 2003 film in which Christensen proved he could command a lead role.
His performance is better in “Sith” than in “Attack of the Clowns.” But he’s also got a lot more to work with in this last film.
In person, Hayden is smart, focused and open.
Bekky, I think you’d be smitten.
Alan, age 29
P.S. You get a stuffed Heffalump from “Pooh’s Heffalump Movie” and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Dear Mr. Smithee,
I look forward to your column every week. It is obvious that you are the man to help me remember a movie. I attended the University of Georgia, and the movie offerings at the student center were varied and open-minded, so I was exposed to more than a few foreign films there.
I’m sure it was there I saw a very funny French film set in a post-apocalyptic time, taking place in a cafe where, slyly, a family was practicing cannibalism on the tenants of their apartment building, which sat over the cafe. I have no idea how to find it, and I’ve done a lot of searching.
Ben Hester, Gadsden, Ala.
Dear Dinner Is Served,
Despite the subject, there are several cannibal movies worth watching. Like “Alive,” “Motel Hell,” “The Green Butchers,” “Eating Raoul,” “The Night of the Living Dead,” “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre,” “The Silence of the Lambs,” “Ravenous,” “Soylent Green” (sorry, did I just spoil an ending?), “The Time Machine,” “Wrong Turn” (it has to be seen to be believed) and your movie.
You are looking for the bizarre “Delicatessen” (1991), co-directed by the talented visual gamesman Jean Pierre-Jeunet, who also made “Amelie,” “The City of Lost Children” and, most recently, “A Very Long Engagement.”
Alan
P.S. You get a “House of Wax” T-shirt and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Have a question for Mr. Smithee?
E-mail him at alansmithee@ajc.com or go to accessAtlanta.com and click on Movies. Please include your name, city and daytime phone number. Mr. Smithee can’t reply to every request, but inquiries chosen for publication will receive movie-related prizes.
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