Access Atlanta > Movies > Blog > Archives > 2005 > April > 01 > Entry
If Your Girl Loves Hugh Grant, There’s No Helping You
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Dear Mr. Smithee, All Knowing,
I need your help. My girlfriend is in love with all things British: “AbFab,” “Changing Rooms,” “Coupling” - which is fine except that her taste in movies leans toward “Four Weddings and a Funeral” and “Bridget Jones.”
Myself, I am more partial to “Snatch” and “Shaun of the Dead.” Could you please recommend some “Brit flicks” we could both enjoy?
Doug Lemka, Columbus
Dear Bloke,
For your sake, do not - I repeat, do not - venture toward 1997’s “Mrs. Brown.” For that matter, if you even suspect Judi Dench is in the movie, skip on by.
I’m guessing she won’t watch “Zulu.” Pity.
Does your bird have to have Hugh Grant in her movie? Don’t answer that.
The answer’s a likely yes and, if so, you’re cooked. I might not be able to help you.
But let’s give this a go - take her to see “Millions.” It’s a good movie. It’s from that wild man Danny Boyle. And while it’s a well-made, nice movie with emotional nuances she’ll enjoy, it has just a touch of the inventiveness of “Trainspotting.” Just a touch.
That may be your best compromise.
Also consider great, older British films. Like 1965’s “Darling” (Julie Christie!!) and 1973’s “Don’t Look Now” (more Julie Christie!!!)
Or do this - show her Michael Powell’s 1948 ballet film “The Red Shoes.” She’ll love it. Then follow that up with a 1960 film by saying, “Hey, sweetie, here’s another movie by that English director you now love so. It’s called ‘Peeping Tom.’”
When she flips out - and, trust me, she’ll flip on you - make me the fall guy.
Maybe you should just stick to TV. Get the original “The Office.” Very funny. And since she likes “AbFab” and you like “Snatch,” be on the lookout at Oxygen.com for expected repeats of the British series “Nighty Night.” It’s bizarre, wicked fun.
Alan
P.S. You get a “Constantine” T-shirt for you, a “Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason” T-shirt for her and two “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirts for the both of you.
Dear Mr. Smithee,
You have all the answers, so I was wondering if there is a word or phrase that describes the moment in a movie where one of the characters says the title of the film. Not a person’s name - such as “Alfie,” “Annie Hall” or “Jerry Maguire” - but something like “As Good as It Gets” as a line in the movie that has that name.
Crystal Singleton, Atlanta
Dear You Said It,
Right you are that I have all the answers. And I’ve got one for you. The term is called “This movie is beginning to bore me.”
I cannot stand it when a movie goes all gooey.
Thank your lucky Godard that a great movie like Kenneth Lonergan’s “You Can Count on Me” had the respect of all of us and the gumption not to utter those words throughout the entire movie.
Alan
P.S. You get a “The Ice Princess” hoodie and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Dear Mr. Smithee,
First, let me say that my friend and I are devoted fans. We read your column every week and discuss it. Alas, we need some help pronouncing your name. Is the “i” long or short? Is “Smithee” one syllable or two?
Now for the question: Why is the sound so very loud when the trailers are played at the movie theater? It really hurts delicate ears. You’re the greatest.
Peggy Livingston, Powder Springs
Dear Cute as a Button,
First, let me say that you and your friend can always count on Mr. Smithee (pronounced Smith-ee; two syllables).
Why are movie previews so loud? Well, my dear, first off, no one will admit that they are. But the real question is: Why is everything so loud in a movie theater?
The sound is loud to grab your attention; to drown out those imbeciles sitting a few feet away who won’t shut up; to fully engulf every pore of your existence with the wondrous bull honkie of “Guess Who.”
How better would you ever get the full impact of the latest Hollywood explosion? If the sound wasn’t knocking you senseless, you might have enough faculties to realize that what you are watching is brainless junk.
So be thankful. Studios only have your best interests at heart.
Alan
P.S. You get a “Beauty Shop” smock and an “Ask Alan Smithee” T-shirt.
Have a question for Mr. Smithee?
E-mail him at alansmithee@ajc.com or go to accessAtlanta.com and click on Movies. Please include your name, city and daytime phone number. Mr. Smithee can’t reply to every request, but inquiries chosen for publication will receive movie-related prizes.
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