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The Euphemism Contest
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
I’ve been dipping into the recent book “How Not To Say What You Mean: A Dictionary of Euphemisms,” by R.W. Holder (Oxford University Press). It’s an Anglo-American project, in that it was compiled by a Brit, but heavily influenced by American English slang.
It also makes me wonder: We think we know what a euphemism is — “the substitution of an inoffensive term for one considered offensively explict,” according to my American Heritage — but do we really agree?
Holder, for example, lists a lot of terms that I would not consider euphemisms. “Tart” for a promiscuous person, “joint” for a marijuana cigarette and to “string up” for to hang. In my book, (which admittedly is not published by Oxford University Press), those are just slang, not real euphemisms.
But then there are some doozies. “French ache” was a euphemism for syphilis in Elizabethan times, a “railroad Bible” was hobo slang for a deck of playing cards, and the “butler’s perk” is an unfinished bottle of wine.
Closer to home, many people have noticed the euphemisms for various jobs that have crept into the language, as well as the all-euphemistic code of people seeking dates: “curvy,” “athletic,” “adventurous,” etc.
Let’s start 2008 with a contest. Send in your best or favorite euphemism, and try to make it one that was not being used by stand-up comics in 1993. (As always, keep ‘em PG. I’m very aware of some rather fun euphemisms for a certain solitary act. Share them with your buddies instead.) We’ll leave nominations open for a week, then vote on our favorite. The winner gets my copy of “How Not To Say What You Mean.”
Permalink | Comments (38) | Categories: Contests
Comments
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By catlady
January 2, 2008 8:39 AM | Link to this
In the South, “Bless his heart” is the closest you can say to “Dahm him” that you can get and still be a lady.
By Andy
January 2, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this
Not the sharpest tool in the shed
“Bless his/her heart” isnt a call for danmantion, but rather a statement of a persons inability to execute.
By rc
January 2, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this
Hip Hop is the new euphemism for being a degenerate with no talent or class.
Example: Soulja Boy is so Hip Hop.
By Aygra
January 2, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this
creative financing = questionable loans just this side of usery
undocumented immigrant = illegal alien
Rovian = dirty political tactic
enhanced interrogation technique = state-sanctioned torture
By catlady
January 2, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this
Andy, you are right, mostly, but perhaps it depends on the context and inflection when you say it. For example, when someone pulls out in front of me, goes 10 feet, and turns, I am likely to say “Bless his heart” and I am doing a lot more than calling him unable to execute.
By Attention06
January 2, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this
Actually, “Bless his/her heart” Translates more closely to “he is a real idiot”…
“Bless his/her heart” normally follows a statement where an individual is hurt of does something they have no business doing.
“Bless your hearts” lol
By Kate
January 2, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this
“eclectic” as a euph for incomprehensible or WTF?
As in: Eclectic poet Susan Howe has once again spilled a bucket of words onto a page
Happy New Year!
By Matt
January 2, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this
“temporarily unavailable” as a euphemism for “we can’t be bothered, go away”
By Capt
January 2, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this
Oh my God….he didn’t mention African Americans…he must be a devout racist, bigot, cracker, redneck,and an all round idiot…
By RUChinadoll
January 2, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this
Along with not the sharpest tool in the shed, my favorite is “not the brightest crayon in the box”.
By Matt
January 2, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this
RU: I was thinking about submitting that, but thought too many stand up comics had already used it.
But I also like “a couple skittles short of a rainbow”
“elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor”
Oh, and in work parlance “As soon as possible” for “We don’t have a clue when it’s going to happen”
By Dru Down
January 2, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this
“she is really nice”
euph. for: she is fat
By Lily Toad
January 2, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this
Urban (ie. movie) — about African-Americans
By timmy jones
January 2, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this
mike vick rapes puppies.
By OldSchool
January 2, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this
“She’s got a great personality” translates to “RUN LIKE A SCALDED DOG!
By Lee
January 2, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this
I like: “You could gaze deep into her eyes, and see the back of her skull”
By Dee
January 2, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this
How about:
Inapprorpriate His conduct was inappropriate
Intelligent Design
Happy Holidays (Holiday comes from Holy Day, so this one is an ironic euphemism).
Executive privelidge
By RUChinadoll
January 2, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this
Matt -
I don’t pay attention to comics, so I wouldn’t know. Sorry!
But I love the skittles one, I’m going to have to start using it!
By catlady
January 2, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this
Well built—no brains, but tight buns
Well endowed (woman)—big chest, but ugly
well endowed (man)—seems to have lots of money
good eater—soooeeeey oink oink
By Kat
January 2, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this
My grandmother always refered to the Civil War as “Our recent unpleasantness”.
BTW, most of the posts so far aren’t euphemisms at all.
By GeekNot
January 2, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this
Technical (or computer) glitch = someone screwed up
Bowl game = a good excuse to play another college football game so a bunch of TV execs and/or city execs can make a bundle of $$
By catlady
January 2, 2008 12:53 PM | Link to this
I’ve always loved the euphemisms John Clese uses in the parrot sketch in place of “dead”: kicked the bucket, a stiff, bereft of life, gone to meet his Maker, rung down the curtain, ceased to be, joined the choir invisible, pushing up the daisies, etc.
Thanks, Kat, for pointed out that euphemisms are not the same as simile and metaphor.
By Phil Kloer
January 2, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this
Well, I provided a definition. I’m not sure “Bless his heart” qualifies as a euphemism. Maybe a semi-euphemism. I lile “a couple Skittles short of a rainbow,” which is a true euphemism. I’m surprised there haven’t been more pulled from dating classified ads. Anyway, keep ‘em coming!
By Lesa
January 2, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this
How about “he’s a few fries short of a happy meal.
By Suzanna
January 2, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this
“I’ve seen dead people move faster” = if you were any slower, I’d check your pulse to see if you ARE dead “put a mirror under it” = check to see if he’s breathing, b/c there are no signs of life “She’s a hard worker and tries hard” = your child is so dumb, if breathing weren’t involuntary she’d suffocate
By catlady
January 2, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this
Underachieving=lazy Bored=lazy
By catlady
January 2, 2008 2:02 PM | Link to this
NCLB= Let’s milk the taxpayers for every cent they are not paying to Halliburton
By Suzanna
January 2, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this
“the hit dog hollers” = the one that immediately protests when a general statement is made to a group
By jimmy k
January 2, 2008 3:11 PM | Link to this
Hmm…some personal faves:
“Puerto Rican Luggage” for trash bags with clothes in it…
“He was given new opportunities for personal advancement” or “He was released” for He was fired!
By Lily Toad
January 2, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this
Full-figured. Makes me wonder, if I’m not full-figured, am I half-figured?
By Matt
January 2, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this
Jimmy k: Another euphemism for being fired “participating in the exciting ‘rejoin the work force’ program”
By Lily Toad
January 2, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this
“pursuing other opportunities” is what my company says when someone “gets the boot.” Hey, that’s another one!
By Matt
January 2, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this
Lily: Something along the same vein as yours. “Complete idiot” If I’m not a complete idiot, am I an incomplete idiot?
By KA
January 2, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this
Peter Sellers in his brilliant film “Being There” proclaimed my favorite euphemism when he said, “I understand.”
By Kat
January 3, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this
Well, years ago my aunt worked at Rich’s downtown. She was just a teenager at the time, and was totally baffled when an older, female shopper asked her where the “foundations” were located. My aunt replied, “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t sell construction materials here.” Fortunately a manager overheard the exchange and pointed the woman toward the girdles, and managed to control a fit of howling laughter until the shopper was out of earshot.
By Lily Toad
January 3, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this
Gardening catalog euphemism: Vigorous grower (really an invasive plant that will take over your entire yard)
By Kat
January 3, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this
How about “pre-owned car”. Do dealers & advertisers really think we won’t realize that this means USED?
By teyyh
January 11, 2008 7:31 PM | Link to this
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