Home > The Book Page > Archives > 2007 > November > 09 > Entry
World’s Worst Book Title contest
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It’s contest time again, and this time we’re coming up with The World’s Worst Book Title.
I was inspired by a delightful new volume called “Bizarre Books: A Compendium of Classic Oddities” by Russell Ash and Brian Lake. They have assembled an entire book of other book titles, many of them self-published, and/or British, and/or 100 years old, but all of which the authors swear are real books. A sampling:
“Where’s Arthur’s Gerbil?”
“A Pictorial Book of Tongue Coating”
“The Fangs of Suet Pudding”
“Castration: The Advantages and Disadvantages”
“How You Can Bowl Better Using Self-Hypnosis”
“So Your Wife Came Home Speaking in Tongues! So Did Mine!”
So much more interesting than our current best-seller list, don’t you think?
Anyway, I am challenging one and all to come up with the all-time worst book title. It can be a real book, or one you make up. You don’t need to post which it is, either, which will add to the fun. It can be fiction or non-fiction. It should be no naughtier than a PG rating. You may enter more than once, but just don’t overdo it and annoy me. If you’re familiar with the annual Bulwer-Lytton contest for writing a bad opening sentence of a novel, this is in that vein, only presumably easier.
We will accept entries until midnight Nov. 15. Then I will choose what I think are the 10 best, and open up voting. Your votes will decide the winner. One winner will receive my copy of “Bizarre Books,” complete with a few page turndowns (sorry), and a book to be named later. Plus, of course, the rabid envy of the multitudes, which is not to be sneezed at.
Get titling.
Permalink | Comments (64) | Categories: Contests
Comments
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By Chris
November 9, 2007 8:27 AM | Link to this
I got a good laugh from “Cooking with Pooh”
By R Jones
November 9, 2007 8:28 AM | Link to this
Cynthia McKinney; A Biography
By Jj
November 9, 2007 8:52 AM | Link to this
IF I Did it, O.J. Simpson.
By Jen
November 9, 2007 9:02 AM | Link to this
You had to mention Bulwer-Lytton…so I have to share my favorite line ever from that contest:
“The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, not even a sharp knife, but a dull one from that set of cheap knives you received as a wedding gift in a faux wooden block; the one you told yourself you’d replace, but in the end, forgot about because your husband ran off with another man, that kind of knife.”
Lisa Lindquist 2007 Bulwer-Lytton Dishonorable Mentionist Jackson, MI
Best line - EVER!
OK, worst book title…
“Rotten Georgia Peaches: Everything you wanted to know about living in the suburbs”
Actually, that sucks…
By Not that Al
November 9, 2007 9:04 AM | Link to this
Hillary’s “Living History” - has to be the worst title ever - since when is ‘history’ fiction? Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth” - first of all, it’s not inconvenient and it’s certainly not the truth!
By Laura
November 9, 2007 9:47 AM | Link to this
How about “The Wind Done Gone”?
By Tom
November 9, 2007 10:05 AM | Link to this
Any edition of the Bible that’s labeled “God’s Word”
By Teresa
November 9, 2007 10:14 AM | Link to this
Worst book title: To Straddle a Dead Cat
By Not that Al
November 9, 2007 10:15 AM | Link to this
Tom - why did you have to say that? Just wait and see what you’ve started - now this is going to turn into another religious blog!
By Lily Toad
November 9, 2007 11:26 AM | Link to this
Who Drooled on My Shoulder? A Guide to Sleeping Well on Trans-Atlantic Flights
By Phil Kloer
November 9, 2007 11:33 AM | Link to this
Oh boy. Lily Toad, who won our Six-Word Memoir Contest, has weighed in with a strong entry! Surely you people are not gonna let her win two in a row!
By Mark
November 9, 2007 11:35 AM | Link to this
“to all the men I’ve loved before” by Rosie O’Donnell
By dep
November 9, 2007 12:10 PM | Link to this
“Do-it-yourself Hernia Surgery: A Beginner’s Guide”
And who can forget that classic by Daniel Defoe: “The Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous Moll Flanders, Etc. Who was born in Newgate, and during a life of continu’d Variety for Threescore Years, besides her Childhood, was Twelve Year a W**, five times a Wife (whereof once to her own brother), Twelve Year a Thief, Eight Year a Transported Felon in Virginia, at last grew Rich, liv’d Honest and died a Penitent. Written from her own Memorandums.”
By FCM
November 9, 2007 12:11 PM | Link to this
well I am not sure about dumb the titles
But if we go with Mark’s book idea is but if were doing Titles from authors that are funny I would submit
“Dog Obedience” by M. Vick (Yes I know I will get slammed for that….but its what came to mind).
Politcal Books: “Word Ennuciation” by G. W. Bush (I know that is BAD of me).
“Back Again” by Ru Paul (although that might be PG - 13).
I am afraid to go on as I will probably get worse……
Seriously: Lily Toad is good! Ok I will stop thinking of titles by authors that just don’t mix and go for stupid ones now…….
By FCM
November 9, 2007 12:14 PM | Link to this
Wait: I would actually buy Lily Toads book title (or at least glance through it)…..
In that vain I have one more:
“Coming Out: A Transexual Debutante Surprise to the South” (Although….I mean no disrespect to anyone with that title)
By Mark
November 9, 2007 12:34 PM | Link to this
“The guide to transcontinental flight” by Amelia Earhart
By Anon
November 9, 2007 12:56 PM | Link to this
Yellow River, by I.P. Freely;
Under the Bleachers, by Seymore Butts…
By Amercian Freedom
November 9, 2007 1:04 PM | Link to this
The Koran.
By Burdell
November 9, 2007 1:55 PM | Link to this
“That Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts”
By Mary
November 9, 2007 1:55 PM | Link to this
Dies the fire
By Matt
November 9, 2007 1:57 PM | Link to this
“Letting It Go: a History of American Incontinence”
By Matt
November 9, 2007 2:06 PM | Link to this
“The History of Tape: So Riveting that once you pick it up, you can’t put it down…ever”
By Alexis
November 9, 2007 2:27 PM | Link to this
The worst book title ever is “The Gay Bible” — it is an insult to Christians everywhere that these homosexuals would even try to associate their deviant behavior and immoral sins against nature with The Lord and The Word Of God. Anyone who would think that is a good idea should be severely punished, and will surely suffer the wrath of The All Mighty come judgement day. Homosexuals use many tools to push their agenda on America, but to use the name of the Holy Book to do it is pure evil.
By JustMe
November 9, 2007 2:33 PM | Link to this
WAR: What is it Good For?
Which, as any good Seinfeld fan knows, is the original working title of Tolstoy’s “War and Peace”!
By Matt
November 9, 2007 2:38 PM | Link to this
“W: A biography of an American President” by Coo D. Tat
By Wood dweller
November 9, 2007 2:45 PM | Link to this
the worst title (but actually an informative and serious book on the subject) was “How to sh*t in the woods” - without the asterisk - it’s a real title, spelt out on the cover in full, with a picture of a hiker in shorts with a shovel in one hand and bathroom tissue roll in the other.
By Diogenes
November 9, 2007 3:27 PM | Link to this
“Hide In The Oval Office, Monica … Bill Can’t Corner You There”
By cara
November 9, 2007 3:28 PM | Link to this
Blood Done Signed Your Name
By Tim
November 9, 2007 3:49 PM | Link to this
Worst cook book title has to be a Disney book for kids called: Cooking with Pooh!
By Resa
November 9, 2007 3:49 PM | Link to this
White Men Can’t Hump As Good As Black Men Vol I & Vol II by Todd Wooten
By Matt
November 9, 2007 4:10 PM | Link to this
“A Difference of Opinion” by I. M. Rite
By Matt
November 9, 2007 4:18 PM | Link to this
“Are We There Yet? A look at the top 1000 restrooms”
By Christopher Cook
November 9, 2007 6:43 PM | Link to this
Hillary’s “Living History” - has to be the worst title ever - since when is ‘history’ fiction?
If you’re confusing non-fiction as fiction, you have issues.
Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth” - first of all, it’s not inconvenient and it’s certainly not the truth!
And you know this how? Just knee-jerk demo-bashing.
By marwhal
November 9, 2007 7:41 PM | Link to this
“The Joy of Uncircumcising!” (2nd ed.) Jim Bigelow, PhD
By Reader & Writer
November 9, 2007 9:13 PM | Link to this
Italic: The Pacifist Arm Wrestler
By Political Mongrel
November 9, 2007 10:17 PM | Link to this
Everybody Poops
By wirelessg
November 9, 2007 10:41 PM | Link to this
Gone With The Wind: The Story Of Farts
By marwhal
November 10, 2007 12:47 AM | Link to this
“Hammer of the Gods: The Led Zeppelin Saga”
By Mona Limn
November 10, 2007 1:10 AM | Link to this
Void Where Prohibited: Rest Breaks and the Right to Urinate on Company Time
by Prof Marc Linder and Ingrid Nygaard M.D.
By Willy
November 10, 2007 7:06 AM | Link to this
“The Case of the Inebrated Owl and the Insubordinate Tea Cup.”
By sansho1
November 10, 2007 11:31 AM | Link to this
“Everyone Stop Having Fun Right Now! (How I Won the Phil Kloer Worst Book Title Contest)” by Alexis
By Chris Broe
November 10, 2007 12:08 PM | Link to this
“Death to America - and So Can You” by Osama Bin Laden
By Chris Broe
November 10, 2007 12:14 PM | Link to this
“Flush, Brush, and Wash Tush: How Proper Morning Bathroom Routine Sequences Can Save Your Bad Hair Day.”
By Chris Broe
November 10, 2007 12:19 PM | Link to this
“Murder by Diaper: One Astronaut’s O.J. Moment”
By Va. lady
November 10, 2007 6:00 PM | Link to this
I would like to offer the weird title of a college course that I took years and years ago: “Organismic Consistency and Existential Theories of Personality.”
By Ben
November 10, 2007 8:48 PM | Link to this
My choice would be, “Sex on the steppes” by Egnau Tzgertitzoff
By Danny
November 10, 2007 9:42 PM | Link to this
The Gas we Pass—a history of Farts by Shinta Cho
By CB
November 11, 2007 1:16 AM | Link to this
“Read Me”
By Bill
November 11, 2007 8:32 AM | Link to this
Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Bi-curious George
By Mike
November 11, 2007 10:20 AM | Link to this
Aren’t these supposed to be real books?
Wasn’t “The Gas We Pass” the sequel to “Everybody Poops?”
There is also a series of children’s books about “Walter The Farting Dog.” There’s even a Christmas story…
By catlady
November 11, 2007 6:17 PM | Link to this
I Didn’t Know She Was Your Mama by Ima Letch
A Conniseur’s Guide to Vomit by C.U Puke
By L.
November 11, 2007 7:00 PM | Link to this
“I Don’t Like Green Eggs and Ham” by Dr. Seuss
By dave
November 11, 2007 10:30 PM | Link to this
“Curious George and the High Voltage Fence”
By Malcolm
November 11, 2007 10:52 PM | Link to this
1,001 Proven Scientific Methods 4 Picking YOUR Winning Lottery Numbers
By Malcolm
November 11, 2007 10:55 PM | Link to this
The Ten Best-kept Secrets for Growing Kudzu in the Southeast
By chris broe
November 12, 2007 5:32 AM | Link to this
“If I kilt Nicole” by OJ Simpson
“If my matress could talk” by Madonna
“Nice Bedlice” by Alice Cooper
“Without War, Mankind would die” by Donald Rumsfeld
By MOT
November 12, 2007 7:24 AM | Link to this
He Don’t Lick My Toe Jam Anymore
By Katie
November 12, 2007 7:25 AM | Link to this
The Bible
By Katie
November 12, 2007 7:26 AM | Link to this
The Bible
By MOT
November 12, 2007 7:41 AM | Link to this
“Stop Body Odor the Natural Way- Without Using Chemicals”
“How To Clip Nose Hairs”
“Finding Your Feng Shui in Your Closet”
“Now Where Did I Put My False Teeth and Other Issues With Aging”
By MOT
November 12, 2007 7:55 AM | Link to this
“The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification”
“People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It”
By Kate
November 12, 2007 8:16 AM | Link to this
Ennui for Dummies
By Matt
November 12, 2007 12:03 PM | Link to this
“Everything You’ll Need to Remember About Alzheimer’s”
“Alzheimer’s for Dummies”
“23 Minutes in Hell: Dinner With my In-Laws”
By Andrea
November 12, 2007 4:35 PM | Link to this
Horse-and-buggy Mennonites: hoofbeats of humility in a postmodern world