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Your favorite author, as a kid
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Over in the forums for the website Something Awful, they’re having a blast with this idea: What might your favorite author, poet or songwriter have written as a child? The idea is not to write in a child-like way, but to use the adult style of the writer on a subject that a child would write about, such as a pet or a trip to grandma’s house. That was the original premise, but people just did what they wanted.
Here are a couple of examples, credited to the poster’s nom de net.
“Me and My Teddy Bear Bob” by Shirley Jackson Age 7 (submitted by Micomicona)
Me and my teddy bear are friends and we like to play together.
My teddy has soft hair and a brown tummy and his name is Bobo. He likes kittens and he likes ice cream and he doesnt like broccoli and neither do I. Bobo and me play every day. We like to play house the best.
I am the mommy and he is the daddy and my kitten Goldie is the baby. I vacuum and brush Goldie’s hair so she can be pretty. I make food in the kitchen and wait for bobo to come home from work. Every day I put yummy dinner on the table and bobo comes home.
I look at his face with buttons for eyes and his big smile and think about smashing his brains in with a hammer.
“My Weekend” By Ernest Hemingway, Age 8 (submitted by Spaceboy)
I went to my grandma’s house. Her house smells fragrant. I feel for a candy on her counter, but I cannot reach it. We go fishing.
“School Code of Conduct” by Sun Tzu (submitted by Eunuchorn)
When in line for the swings, stand to the side of both.
If the swing is in use, dare the enemy to jump.
If you find yourself on the swing, make sure to look for another place to play when you jump.
So much for swings.
When the milk and nap are required, sleep away from the one who smells. Milk will make him worse.
If one will knock down your blocks, you are to throw mud at him.
If one will throw mud at you, you will kick him in the shins.
If you are kicked in the shins you will kick back.
The kicking shall continue until one cries.
When the class is tired, you have occasion to secure the red crayon.
There’s a lot of smart, smart humor here. Here is the link to the entire forum topic.. Warning: There is some profanity throughout.
Permalink | Comments (4) | Categories: Books
Comments
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By Jimmy Etheridge
March 17, 2008 2:31 PM | Link to this
Jim Kjelgaard, Big Red.
By Kate
March 17, 2008 10:53 PM | Link to this
Lovelove this thread! I can’t even begin to hang with that group. Yet I know that LilyToad, Maria, Tim, and others could channel a favorite author. I keep coming up with a lame “I have seen the best of my glee club/muted in a hysterical reprimand…” kind of thing.
Feeling so inadequate*
By Lily Toad
March 19, 2008 1:01 AM | Link to this
Good Grandmas are Hard to Find bu Flannery O’Connor, age 7.
Grandma don’t want to go to Florida. We’re going anyway. She read us about a misfit got out of prison. All crazies are in Florida she says. Daddy’s wearing his parrot shirt and I bet Grandma’s gonna bring that dumb cat and talk about people living on roads that don’t have houses no more. With our luck we’ll see that misfit and he’ll make Grandma say her name is Grace or else he’ll kill her after killing all of us first.
By Phil
March 20, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this
Hats off to both of you, Kate and Lily. I didnt make this a contest, just wanted to call the thread to people’s attention cause there was so much wacky fun there. Dont feel inadequate, Kate. Its a funny notion.